When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Grateful

Posted by Guest | November 20, 2009 | 18 Comments

Perhaps you’ve noticed Sue Anderson’s wise and insightful comments here on Segullah. She is a gifted poet and author who devotes her real passion to her children and grandchildren. You can catch up with her at Sue’s News, Views ‘n Muse.

I’ve spent 2009 feeling uncharacteristically sorry for myself and can’t quite put my finger on the why of it. A few pesky health problems? Sure. Worries about adult children? Here and there. The endless supply of alone time every bishop’s wife experiences? You bet. Still, I’ve faced far more challenging years than this one (and handled them far better).

My first impulse was to chalk it all up to a neurochemical blip on this magical mystery tour called menopause, but while mid-life hormones may be part of the picture, the overriding factor behind my year of the living doldrums has been my own attitude. I’ve ignored the best coping mechanism my survivor-of-the-Great-Depression grandma ever taught me…gratitude.

Of course, some gifts attract attention––and gratitude––more readily than others. Who can overlook the burst of wonder that accompanies a desert sunset in all its orange and purple glory? What mopey mood could fully eclipse the crimson splendor of autumn leaves framed against blue sky? My wise, wonderful grandma was a world-class appreciator of such beauty, as am I, yet nature comprised only a small part of her gratitude list. Each humble prayer was filled with thanksgiving for quiet gifts many of us take for granted. Having lived without them, she valued the simple bounty of warm beds and full stomachs. I, on the other hand, have taken too casual an attitude lately toward things Grandma regarded as privilege, receiving the basic blessings necessary to survival as simply my due, much as if the world (and Heavenly Father) owed me a living––or, at least, a stipend.

Surely my happiness, especially in difficult times, lies in acknowledging God’s every gift, including those carelessly received as entitlements rather than endowments. Entitlement has no place in a relationship with Heavenly Father, for our dependence upon His goodness and the Savior’s grace is as complete as our unworthiness. Under Father’s direction, Christ created the earth and all things therein. Without Him, the world would cease to function––from the tiniest, seemingly insignificant detail to the most spectacular wonder of the universe. The small miracles we blithely accept as fundamental workings of nature are, in reality, unrecognized blessings from God.

Do we ever stop and appreciate not only the colors of the sunrise but the fact that the sun rises at all? In lifting our hands to swat a persistent mosquito, are we mindful of the complex neurological ballet being performed in our bodies? Does celebrating our ability to make such intricate connections even occur to us? Probably not, unless circumstances deprive us of that blessing. Christopher Reeve, once a great athlete, learned to revere the freedom of movement most people take for granted. Shortly before his death, he spoke with joy and heartfelt gratitude of a newly acquired ability, after eight years of intensive work, to move––ever so slightly––his finger. Increasing appreciation for the things we have requires our taking notice of them, and I intend to open my eyes a little wider.

One last thought. My grandmother was thankful for everything she had, but her secret weapon was being equally thankful for what she didn’t have. If she had aching feet, she was grateful that she didn’t have an aching back as well. This “cup-half-full” approach to thanksgiving served Grandma well and is certainly worth a try. For instance, when struggling with financial problems, we can appreciate the fact that we are not struggling with joblessness. If joblessness becomes an issue, as it has for so many in this economy, we can be grateful that we do not have a disability that precludes our capacity to work at all. You get the idea.

When the going gets tough, the tough get grateful. They get creative, too, and this cup-half-full strategy for thanksgiving is one creation that really works. By the way, my personal variation on Grandma’s strategy is this: “If you can’t be grateful for what you have, be grateful for what you have left!”

Good advice. I think I’ll take it. (Which means I’ll be kissing the doldrums good-bye for 2010, menopausal malaise notwithstanding.)

What do YOU have that makes you grateful? What DON’T you have that makes you grateful? And what are you grateful to have left?

Comments

18 Responses to “When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Grateful”

Justine
November 20th, 2009 @ 8:55 am

Sue, you made my day. I am grateful for testimonies shared. I am grateful that the Lord loves me in all my imperfection, and that He sends that love precisely when I most need it.

I am grateful that I have the day ahead of me, I’m grateful I don’t have anyone else’s troubles – just my own.

Thanks for this cheery and beautiful start to my day!
Natasha
November 20th, 2009 @ 9:43 am

Our sacrament talks were about gratitude on Sunday, so I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I have been keeping a gratitude journal and have come to realize that as I am more grateful for things, the more things I have to be grateful for.

I recognize things in my life that I am grateful for because I miss them, such as the gift of being able to see with contacts/glasses- I realized how much I miss it when I take them out; Or the ability to walk after watching someone in a wheelchair; Or how I can taste and smell food (one of my roommate’s sisters can’t taste or smell). I’m grateful that Heavenly Father loves us enough to know exactly what we need in our lives and blesses us accordingly.

Perspective definitely makes a difference. Thanks for the post!
Kari
November 20th, 2009 @ 10:01 am

What do YOU have that makes you grateful?

- Children that constantly teach me new things and make me laugh daily.
- A husband that loves me unconditionally and tolerates my quirks.
- A cozy little home and plenty of basic needs met.
- Good health.
- A family income that meets our needs and occasionally fulfills some wants.
- The legal right and ability to educate my children ourselves without involving a school district.
- The legal right and ability to birth my children in our home.
- Our labyrinth of square foot raised garden beds.
- Our apple trees, blueberry bushes, raspberry patch, and strawberry patch.
- Good neighbors and true friends.
- The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
- Talents
- Knowledge
- A husband who can hunt and brings home fresh venison.
- A van that runs well and has a working heater.
- The strength and ability to maintain our home.
- The knowledge and ability to preserve the food we grow.
- The knowledge and ability to live a simple lifestyle.

What DON’T you have that makes you grateful?

- A job that takes my husband away from us. We elected to give up more money to have him home with us in the evenings and on weekends.
- A large house that would take too much of my time and efforts to maintain or keep clean.
- A need to keep up with the Joneses.

And what are you grateful to have left?

- My career. Our family is so much more content with me at home.
Amira
November 20th, 2009 @ 10:52 am

Thanks for the great post, Sue.

I’m grateful for a husband who loves Central Asia as much as I do. There really wouldn’t be any way for me to spend much time there if he didn’t.

I’m grateful I don’t have to follow anyone else’s schedule for my children. Homeschooling simplifies my life and lets our family be in control of what we do.

And, even though I miss our beautiful house in Boise with the roses and vegetable garden and perfectly-planned pantry, I’m grateful to have left it. The things we’ve done in the ensuing 5 years have been so much better than what we could have done in that house. And I’m glad we don’t feel the need to own a home anymore.

But on a day-to-day basis, I’m most grateful that my husband’s back and nerve damage don’t control our lives anymore. They’re always there, ready to strike, but he’s so much healthier than he was a few years ago.
Tiffany W.
November 20th, 2009 @ 12:11 pm

Thank you for this great post. Today I had a very similar conversation with myself. The last two years have been filled with challenges. I haven’t felt settled in New York, even though we’ve lived there for two years. I’ve decided my attitude is to blame and that I must have more gratitude and seek to find all the wonderful things about New York. Likewise, I need to actively think about all the great things that have happened to me this year.
jenny
November 20th, 2009 @ 12:35 pm

Sue,
I always love your comments here at Segullah.
I completely agree with your beautiful post. As one who is not a natural optimist, I wholy subsrcibe to the “cheat” or “secret weapon” method. It keeps me positive and moving forward with a grateful heart. Thanks for this today! It was perfect.
Karen N.
November 20th, 2009 @ 12:49 pm

You’ve hit it on the head Sue! Many times when I’ve bemoaned my physical condition or the symptoms I experience, I have to stop and realize that there are those with the same disease who are not only a little achey (like me) – they are literally unable to walk. I may not ever feel perfect, but I’m able to move around, do what I need to do (and more!), and still give service to my family. I may not have as much in any department as I want, but I have so much more than many people do. I want to start being more conscious of that every day, and be more appreciative, as well as more generous in sharing my time, talents, and temporal blessings. Your message is timely!
sharon lds in Tennessee
November 20th, 2009 @ 2:04 pm

Gratitude is the souffle rising from the omelette of “THANKS”.
Thanks for the great reminders about it.
Sue
November 20th, 2009 @ 5:30 pm

I had forgotten that the best part about guest posting at Segullah would be getting to respond to your comments, all of which I really enjoyed reading.

Justine- I’ve always been grateful not to have to experience first-hand the troubles of others, too. Better the troubles you know than the troubles you don’t, right? I’m glad the post gave a cheery start to your day. (It gave a LATE start to mine, because I overslept due to staying up into the wee hours getting it done..)

Natasha- The kind of gratitude that comes from missing something is one of my favorites. I like being able to feel its importance in my life because of that little empty space it leaves. And best of all, I like filling that space up again!

Kari- I liked reading your thoughtful answer. I was hoping the post would prompt the kind of introspection you obviously did. Oh, how I love the deep thinkers of the world. (Have you ever noticed how so many of them seem to flock to Segullah?)

Amira – Having a diminution of chronic pain is always something to be thankful for, and I’m so glad your husband’s situation has improved to the degree that it has. Sounds like you are a mutually supportive couple, another thing to be grateful for, right? And time in Central Asia sounds fascinating! I have several relatives that live in China (not quite Kyrgyzstan, but right next door), and I always love to hear their experiences. Maybe you should write a guest post and fill us all in!

Tiffany W. – Sounds as if you and I are on the same wavelength this year. I have just been too lazy about keeping my thoughts and attitude squared away, and the difference in my enjoyment of life has been pretty remarkable. Many more grey days than I’m used to, and it’s just not worth it! So onward and upward, right? :::jumpin’ on that gratitude train::: =)

Jenny – Thanks for your kind words. I love your posts and comments as well. And I’m glad you have put the seal of approval on my little gratitude cheats. (Or maybe I should say, my grandma’s…) They do work! So much in life depends upon what we choose to think and how we choose to view our circumstances. As I just told Tiffany, I’ve been too lazy about emotional and spiritual self care this year, and it has taken a toll that I’m no longer willing to pay.

Karen- You are such a good blog friend…even jumping over here to support me with this guest post. And you know what that makes ME? Grateful!! For…YOU. =)
(Hope you are feeling better. Hugs to you.)

Sharon- Love that image! (Except that it made me hungry, and I’m on a really boring diet right now.) However, to use my grandma’s gratitude strategy, at least I only have to do this little regimen for five more days, and then I am going to enjoy Thanksgiving all the more.

Thanks again, to all of you, for your responses. And yes, I appreciate them!
Melissa Y.
November 20th, 2009 @ 5:52 pm

This was lovely, Sue. I’m always amazed at people like your grandmother. Sometimes it seems like those with the least are the most able to see what they do have. I also like the idea of remembering what you’re grateful for NOT having. I haven’t looked at gratitude that way before.
Sue
November 20th, 2009 @ 7:17 pm

Melissa- Yep, my grandma was the best, and she didn’t have much, that’s for sure. What she did have was a big heart and great life skills. BTW, I’m glad you’ve signed on to the “being grateful for what you DON’T have” way of thinking. It’s a winner.
Melissa M.
November 20th, 2009 @ 11:58 pm

Thank you, Sue for this timely and lovely post. I definitely need to be more mindful of the blessings in my life. Tonight I am grateful for children safely tucked in bed (or soon to be tucked in bed, I hope), a warm, peaceful home, and a comfortable bed to sleep in. And I’m grateful for the prospect of a good night’s rest; it’s been a busy week and I am tired!
Sharlee
November 21st, 2009 @ 12:57 am

Beautiful post, Sue. Your grandmother reminds me of my mother. She had a remarkable ability to find the silver lining in almost situation. My mom had to have emergency back surgery just days after her last chemo session when she was battling cancer. We brought her to our home to convalesce in a hospital bed set up in our daughter’s room. One day while I was feeding her, she remarked: “You know, I’m so grateful that I don’t have any hair. Can you imagine how snarled and matted it would get with me just lying around like this all day!” And she really meant it!
m&m
November 21st, 2009 @ 3:30 am

Thanks for this, Sue. It’s been a hard year for me, too, but I have learned a lot and am learning all the more to be willing to step back from the hard to try to see what wonders God will work in my life. It’s amazing to have my eyes opened, when I will let them be, to His hand in SO many ways.
Sue
November 21st, 2009 @ 10:45 am

Sharlee- Your mom sounds delightful and highly reminiscent of my grandma. I can just imagine her saying exactly those words about her hair…and meaning it! What a great person she always was to be around. I’ll bet your mother is, too. =)

m&m- I’m looking forward to a better year for both of us! You’d think by now I’d be more accomplished at stepping back from the hard to see the wonders and keeping my eyes opened to His hand, but it seems to be a lesson I have to learn over and over again. The good news is that the road is more familiar every time, and I travel it with a little more faith.
jenny
November 22nd, 2009 @ 2:38 pm

(Hi Sue, this is jenny {#6, from above}. I think you have me confused with Jenny who does post here. I like her posts and comments, too, by the way. I haven’t been clever enough to distinguish myself from the ten-thousand other Jennys except to post my comments with my diminuitive little lower-case “j” enny. Still love your post, just didn’t want you to think I was someone else…)
Sue
November 22nd, 2009 @ 5:58 pm

Oh, thanks for the heads up, Jenny. You’re right…There are a couple of Jennys over here, aren’t there? Gets a bit confusing. =)

Anyway, I’m glad you like my comments, and I will be watching more carefully to discern yours!

=)
Crusty
December 18th, 2009 @ 11:38 pm

Sharon LDS in Tennessee, I’m intrigued by your comments. I would really like to ask you some questions. Please e-mail me at CrustyAmbulanceDriver@Gmail.com