My children are all good writers. I saw it even in elementary school. I had something to do with that.

They are creative, interested, interesting people. I had a little to do with that.

They are happy healthy, forward-moving, God-and-fellow-human-being-loving adults. I have nothing to do with that.
Whatever I gave or “invested” I knew that, once given, it was no longer mine; nor, once grown, were they.

I like it when people compliment me as a mother via my children. I understand what they mean. And it’s nice to be honored for what I gave and gave up to provide the best possible environment with my limited emotional, financial, physical single-working-sometimes-negligent-mom resources.

What Rynell said.

I’m sitting here watching my 2 1/2 yr. old drama queen thrash around on the floor in a raging tantrum like one of those blooming flower fireworks, (there is shrieking, fist pounding, tears- the whole nine yards)all because of today’s outfit choice. *I* picked out a lovely pastel t-shirt with adorable polka dotted capri pants and those overpriced hot pink jelly sandals we should never have been guilted into. *She* picked out a wife beater tank top with a tacky fish print (which she grew out of LAST summer) and a dirty pair of pajama stretch pants which she dug out of the laundry pile. She has managed to wrestle out of the tasteful outfit and is now down to her underthings shrieking “I HATE those clothes!”

I lose.

There she goes- out to play with the big kids- tacky fish print, dirty pants and bare feet. I look at her through one eye and think ‘I’m in big, big trouble.’ Then I close that eye and look at her through the other and think ‘She’s happy and she knows what she wants. I should be happy too.’

I know I have just started the long journey of parenthood and I know the battles will just get bigger. But, maybe if I can learn to let go of a few things now it will be a few degrees easier in the long run. -sigh-

This post has put a lot of things into perspective for me. Even before reading this, I’ve begun to learn that, even at this young age, he needs to try his strengths and weaknesses a little and just be his own little person with me standing in the background ready to help when necessary. Though I feel like I need to continue giving him every opportunity to grow and be nourished in the Gospel, I know I need to chill out a little and trust that he will learn, grow and be blessed according to his own choices. A lot easier said than done!

I also have to admit that I worry about what others think of me as a parent. In reality, I know it is none of their business. I have been ill recently and my husband took over the reins for nearly 2 weeks. This meant that a couple of days my son went to school in very dirty t-shirts, neither my husband nor my son cared about this. I worried that it showed I was a bad mother.

My kids are great, except when they are not!! I love them. I try hard. Some days I am proud of their achievements, others I want to jump off a cliff. I do wish I could be more relaxed about it all and not worry so much. I do find it incredibly tough to let go and watch them make choices. Maybe a control freak doesn’t make the best kind of mother.

This is a wonderful post. And great comments. Katie said it well, we are responsible for our own choices as parents just as our kids are responsible for theirs.

We are told in the scriptures that we are accountable for what we teach our children, not how they turn out.

It is scary as a parent seeing that this little being you love and helped create could become anything. I get glimpses sometimes of where they may go if they continue with certain behaviors and I do my best to help them see the effect of their choices.

I also recognize my children came a lot easier than some of my friends.

I just have to do my best to love them, and I can thank them for their help in developing who I am as I learn not to lose my temper or any of the hundreds of other challenges parenting gives me to become a more Christ-like person.

Then I will pray for the Atonement to help my kids as it has helped me.

I know from experience how hard it can be to have parents who don’t care, but I can no more abdicate my responsibility for my actions by blaming my parents than good parents can claim responsibility for their children’s good choices. Parenting makes a HUGE difference, but it doesn’t make my choices for me.

Realizing this helps me be a better parent. When I focus on MY choices instead of controlling my children’s choices life is happier for all of us. If my 2 year old chooses to throw the mother of all tantrums in the grocery store I am not responsible for her choice – however, I am responsible for my choice to take her to the store when I should have put her down for nap, or I am responsible if I lose my temper with her. I cannot control her choices, but I can control mine and I will be held accountable for those choices no matter what my children do.

Children need good enough parents and most of us do our best to provide that. I love how you point out that you are still a good mother even when your children make poor choices or choices that you’d rather they not make.

Great post Dalene.

Even if it all “turns out okay in the end” (ie, in heaven), in the meantime, they can make horrible decisions that can negatively affect them for the rest of their mortality, and also affecting generations after. Mortality is terrifying… not because we don’t know any better, of course we do, we have the gospel, we know it all works out in the end. But in the meantime life is hard, and painful, and unfair…anyone who tries to paint those realities away is hiding in a bubble that will eventually be popped. The gospel doesn’t take the pain out of life.