Why I Don’t Like Ike

Posted by Jennie | September 12, 2008 | 23 Comments

I live in Central Texas and in case you live under a rock and hadn’t heard, there’s a storm a-brewin’. Hurricane Ike isn’t expected to have a huge impact on this part of Texas since we’re a four hour drive from the coast. Mostly a bunch of wind and rain. Maybe a tornado. The hurricane does impact us in other ways, though. Residents of coastal Texas will begin arriving for shelter at my children’s middle school today, possibly for a weekend stay.

Our Stake President has been canvassing the members to see who would be willing to host displaced families. At first I told my husband that we could probably fit a few people. But then I got to thinking, “who would these people be? Am I really going to let complete strangers live in my house just a few feet away from my children?” Mormon or not, a stranger in my house is a stranger in my house.

Mentally, this is torture. I feel like a dog chasing its tail. Love thy neighbor as thyself! Do unto others! The Good Samaritan! This is Living the Gospel 101.

But there is a lot of filth out there. This same Stake President announced in our last conference that if you have three sons, one of them is addicted to pornography. That’s how much of an epidemic it is. And what if that person is addicted to child pornography? And that person is being evacuated right this minute and needs someplace to stay? And here I am with a house full of young children who don’t sleep anywhere near me? I can count on one hand the number of my friends who haven’t been molested. Do I want to potentially invite that situation to occur under my own roof? Can you see where my mind is going with this?

Am I supposed to trust in the Lord that nothing bad will happen if I am charitable? I think that seems just plain foolish. Like not fastening my seatbelt because the Lord will keep me safe from a car crash if he wants to. But I also don’t want to be some spoiled, worldly Pharisee; someone who’ll do anything for the Lord—until it makes them uncomfortable, then forget it.

I mean, if I do it unto the least of these, I’m doing it unto the Lord. Who doesn’t want to help the Lord? But I’m genuinely concerned about my family. Does He understand, or is this some sort of Divine Test to see just how dedicated I am to being Christ-like? Or does this all boil down to me being abnormally paranoid?

If I help clean up wreckage after the storm, will that exonerate me from not having refugees stay at my house? What about donating blood? Surely that shows some sort of dedication. Honestly, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. All I know is that every scenario makes me extremely nervous. For now, I think I just won’t answer the phone. What if it’s the Stake President?

Category: Daily Special

Comments

23 Responses to “Why I Don’t Like Ike”

Ginger
September 12th, 2008 @ 6:18 am

Maybe this is the Lord’s way of telling you that hosting a family isn’t for you. Really, this is one of those things that needs to be put to prayer.

I do wonder about your comment about the number of friends you have that haven’t been molested. Does that mean all the rest of your friends have been? I just ask because no one that I know of has been, and I have lots of friends. Not to say that they haven’t been, just that I don’t know about it if they have, but your statement makes it seem as though you know lots who HAVE been. Can you give us any clarity on that?
wendy
September 12th, 2008 @ 6:46 am

Jennie, I think I’d be having the exact same fears, and I don’t think it’s necessarily being abnormally paranoid. I like Ginger’s suggestion to pray about it. It may not be right for you, and if it’s not, there’s no need for guilt (and hopefully your Stake President would get that).

On the other hand, satan may be playing up your fears to prevent your family from having a really good experience. Only God knows the answer to that. And if the answer is to house somebody, there is nothing wrong with having a big family sleepover on one end of the house, with guests on the other end.

I know that even though there are many many good people in the world, I would be extreeeemely cautious.

Ginger, I’m so surprised that you don’t know anybody who’s been molested. The stats for that (including rape) are one in three women, if I have it right. I know of more of it than I care to think about, that’s for sure.
wendy
September 12th, 2008 @ 6:48 am

oh . . . by hopefully your SP would get it, I meant he has no right to try to guilt you into anything, and if he does, you have no obligation to do what he asks.
Jennie
September 12th, 2008 @ 7:01 am

Ginger–Out of my close friends (people that I would have had that sort of conversation with) and relatives, way more have been molested than not.

I’m also the kind of person that’s more of a listener. For some reason people tend to confide in me. I’ve heard a lot of tragic stories.
lyn
September 12th, 2008 @ 7:07 am

I live down in Houston. In ~18 hours, Ike will be bearing down my door and I will be comforting scared children. I’m on the other side of your door (so to speak). This go around, many neighbors I know have decided to stay. Our experiences 3 years ago was scarier than staying home.

The Lord will bless us whenever and however we give service. You may not be comfortable opening your home and that’s okay. As a potential evacuee, my plan is to stay with friends if I have to leave. So I’m not unlike you … I don’t want to stay with people I don’t know. There are many ways to serve. Do remember that for every creep out there, 2 or 3 good people need help.
Les
September 12th, 2008 @ 7:19 am

I think sometimes the test is “are you willing” to help, usually they don’t wind up needing you, but i would think for a few days you could make it safe for your family.
lee
September 12th, 2008 @ 7:26 am

You are right to be torn both ways.

Have you considered telling them you would welcome women and children only? No men, no teenage boys, –it seems like a commonsense measure for a family like yours.

I realize child molesters can be women, but I think you’d be vastly improving your odds.

With hurricanes, of course, you never know. Maybe you won’t end up being involved.
Researcher
September 12th, 2008 @ 7:31 am

The line of thought in your post sounds very familiar. I proposed inviting a member of the church from another state to our house last winter. She was going to be seeking medical treatment in our area for her baby and my husband went through all your lines of thought and many more that I won’t repeat because I don’t want to introduce additional possible concerns (some of which I found absurd). Finally he talked to the members of her ward that had introduced us and they were positive about the woman and he prayed about it and she stayed with us and we had a marvelous and interesting time and are still frequently in contact.

Bottom line: you don’t have to just worry about things. You can ask questions and do a little research and pray about it and make a decision.

Also, if you really want to help but can’t deal with the anxiety of having someone in your home, perhaps you could help provide meals for people staying at someone elses’ house.
Matt W.
September 12th, 2008 @ 7:47 am

If you want to help, help, but have your kids sleep in your room while your guests are there, and keep them with you.(If your kids are so young they can’t take care of themselves). As someone who lived through child abuse, I want to say that you can’t let your fears dictate the rest of your life.

It’s interesting, because I’m in San Antonio, and this hasn’t come up. I guess it s because we have major facilities for housing the displaced via the government.

Here’s hoping no one gets displaced and this all becomes a moot point.
Julie M. Smith
September 12th, 2008 @ 8:18 am

Jennie, do I know you IRL?

Anyway, I’m with Matt W. I signed up to host people as needed. (Our stake center is the designated evacuation point for missionaries from one of the Houston missions.) I would put guests in the upstairs bedrooms and have my kids camp in my room–they’d probably love it and it is only a minor inconvenience for me.

Never risk your children’s safety. For anything.
mormonhermitmom
September 12th, 2008 @ 10:17 am

I like those suggestions about saying who you could take on, and putting all your kids with you for the duration. If you decide to open your home to others, you could have a little sit down meeting with everyone explaining expectations: Who may go in what rooms etc, bathroom rotation, etc. Any precautions should be considered. I happen to know four people who were molested as children, and of course, it’s not something that most people mention casually. There may be many more people I know that have had that happen to them and I’ll never know.
Tiffany
September 12th, 2008 @ 11:27 am

I don’t think your fears are invalid or irrational. Pedofiles can and do take advantage of any situation.

I thought there were a number of excellent suggestions and haven’t anything to add.
rebecca
September 12th, 2008 @ 12:18 pm

Fears are fears, and I like how the woman pointed out that as a potential evacuee..she didn’t want to stay with people she didn’t know either.

If you are coming at this from a fear of molestaion standpoint, would you be more comfortable if you had just a woman? Small kids? I am sure that among the evacuee’s that cannot find family to stay with will be many single mothers and their children. Possibly even another LDS family? Just a thought.

Service is voluntary. No one is forcing you to do this. If you don’t want people, then don’t have them. Simple. We all bypass service opportunies each day while we attend to the business of life. I don’t think that the Lord expects us to take EVERY service opportunity that comes our way, but rest assured that there will be many other ways of helping out. I like to think of service as an opportunity to do a little good, teach or learn and contribute to the greater good of society. Not like a scorecard system.
Kathy
September 12th, 2008 @ 2:03 pm

I remember these feelings when we were asked to volunteer for Katrina victims. I want to help, but I want to protect my kids… how do you do that. It is a tough choice. I do believe that when we surrender our will to Heavenly Father, He will take care of us. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. That’s the great thing… the Lord knows your heart and knows what you are able to do.
Fairchild
September 12th, 2008 @ 2:45 pm

I’m in the Dallas area and already have 5 relatives from Houston here, so I’m full. Luckily, there are plenty of public shelters here like downtown at the Convention Center. For Rita, I had 2 families staying with me but my sil’s family members showed up at the temple asking for help. I thought that was weird considering they weren’t even under mandatory evacuation. Some church members took them in. We vacationed on the west end of Galveston last year, so it’s strange looking at the video now. I was a child when Alicia hit and remember my dad taking us out in the eye and telling us not to flap our arms too hard or we might fly away. I believed him.
La Yen
September 12th, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

Kind of along the same vein–I live 20 minutes from the Mexico border, and our violence is BAD there–armed border guards, major shooting, serious kidnapping, etc. Unfortunately, that is where our temple is. My husband is not allowed to go–he will lose his job if he is found crossing the border–so that leaves me to be the one attending that temple. And we have had SO MANY SP talks telling us to just have faith and go anyway.

So do I go, have faith, and hope I don’t get shot? Or serially killed? Because I don’t have time for that right now. After many months of feeling like it was not good for me and mine, I have been praying to know when t was the right time to go, and I got an answer. I went, attended, and came home safely. Will I go next month? If I feel the Spirit telling me, I will.

So, if you keep your heart open, and feel the prompting, be a host. If not, take care of your family first.
john willis
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:10 pm

You have a tough choice. Keep in mind that most child molesters are known to their victims,typically they are friends and relatives not strangers
Emily M.
September 12th, 2008 @ 4:29 pm

You know, I think there is a time to open your home and a time not to. This may not be your season for it; if your kids were older, maybe it would be, but it may not be right now. If the suggestions given (having your kids in your room and having clear rules about who goes where) don’t work for you, do not beat yourself up over it. Just let it go and find other ways to help. Your concerns are legitimate, IMO.
Dalene
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:40 pm

I understand your concerns–it’s your job to protect your family–and it’s hard enough to know whom to trust when it’s people you know, let alone complete strangers. I think there are some great suggestions being offered in the comments.

I know this wasn’t your point, but I mostly piped in to take issue with people struggling w/ pornography being labeled as “filth.” I know and love some good, loving, kind people who suffer from this heartbreaking addiction and I’ll be honest here, my heart breaks double when I hear them judged them so harshly (not the molester types–judge away). I feel the same way about the drug addicts I know, too. Call me crazy, but except for a few of my friends’ ex-husbands, I take any one of them in.
Maddison
September 12th, 2008 @ 5:50 pm

I see where you’re coming from and understand your concerns. I too would be fretting over this. But I think there have been some excellent suggestions about what you can do. The one thing that I will say because I would need to be reminded of this in that situation is that you are the boss of your house. Like others have said, you set the rules for who does what, when and where. That is if you even decide to let people in. As someone else already mentioned, it could blow over, so to speak, or you could decide to help in another way.
But in no way do I think you’re being irrational or self-centered, or even un-Christ-like. It is wise of you to be careful and take care of your family. God helps those who help themselves. I think we were given reason for a reason.
anon
September 12th, 2008 @ 9:53 pm

I was molested as a teenager by a stranger. I would not take a strange man into my home with my small children. There it is. I’m with you, Jennie. It’s a risk you can not afford to take. I would, however, welcome women and other children, donate food to the cause, provide a blow up beds for the stake centers, or even donate cash for a hotel room before I would have a strange man in my home with my kids. Sorry, I’m paranoid. Sue me.
Arianne
September 12th, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

I believe, as the scriptures say, that there is a time and a season for all things. The Lord doesn’t ask all people to be all things for him at all times. And it doesn’t seem like this is the right time for you right now to do that specific service. I wouldn’t compromise my children’s safety for anything, and I don’t think the Lord would ever ask you to. So I think your line of thought was good, that you might be able to help in other ways: making meals, donating blood, etc. Ask your stake or your local Red Cross what they are in need of besides homes for evacuees.
Kellie
September 15th, 2008 @ 9:26 am

I competely agree with Emily. There is a season for everything. The Lord does not expect you to do everything all the time.