Wielding Power

Posted by Leslie | February 21, 2010 | 17 Comments

That I may live to be one of the best women, who make others glad that they were born.
-George Eliot’s Daniel Deronda

Power conjures up images of the conquering Alexander the Great, Donald Trump’s boardroom, or Bill Gates’ bank account. But that is not my power. While I may lack political power, star power, or excess capital, I still feel pretty powerful. Yes, me, an obscure, stay-at-home, artist mom in small-town New England.

I was reflecting and questioning why I felt powerful despite my obvious lack of power in any recognizable domain—other than my ability to deliver a mean high kick. I came up with an unusual answer. I feel powerful because I see potential; I can influence; I can connect; I make things better; I can use positive means to create good things in the world. It’s the power that George Eliot speaks of: personal power. This brand of power is one I learned from women, from sisterhood—not that I didn’t learn it from men, too, but I will save my ”I Love Men” post, which is in the works, for another day. It’s a style of power not often appreciated in the traditional power arenas, but one with profound ramifications in the workplace, in the political arena, even in the realm of finance.

Few things have shaped my life like powerful women. Yes, anytime I use the words “smart,” “sharp,” “great,” or “powerful” to describe women—I use those terms interchangeably—people think I am being elitist. But I realize they may not share my perspective. So I’ll explain. I don’t mean famous women. I don’t mean only women with high IQs or laundry-list accomplishments. Some of the women on my list are accomplished; others never went to college or worked jobs of any notoriety. They may or may not fit traditional social definitions of being attractive, yet I believe they are all beautiful.

I’m talking about women who bring to the table a sense of purpose, a sense of self. I don’t mean a 1980′s, fakey, “high-self-esteem” self, but an authentic sense of where they fit. They just get it; they are comfortable in bringing their own talents to the party. I love that each woman is her own flavor—like Baskin Robbins. They are totally cool with being butter pecan, even if chocolate fudge brownie is still the most popular. It was while growing up seeing just such women that helped me find my own footing.

I appreciate women who choose to emanate great energy and love (yes, choose). In a world of critics and insult, I admire women who choose to build and nurture friendship. This doesn’t mean cookie-cutter similarity; it means connecting despite differences. I draw strength from women who have integrity, who are resilient, who take life and ride it no matter how many times they get bucked around. I love women who tell their stories, who aren’t afraid to get real, personal, and emotional, sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I appreciate those who take the time and make the effort to leave you better than they found you, to change your day with something as simple as a compliment. What a benefit is the great sociality and company of women! In my life, it has been women who have taught me how to paint, taught me how to make bread, mentored me in my profession, encouraged me in business, wept with me, served me, and served with me. They are the most common group that I engage with in daily discussions of art, politics, or social issues. They commiserate in parenting woes, spark thoughts, and leave peace with spiritual insights.

Sisterhood comes, in some sense, from shared biology and shared experience. However varied the lives of women may be—young, old, attatched, unattached—the experiences of sisterhood shape and strengthen us and bind us.

My own sister is one with whom I shared my growing up years, a bedroom, and strawberry shortcake dolls. She is the person I squabbled with over where to take the canoe when we went out on the lake in the summer, and the person who was my wing-man whenever we moved to a new place.

My like-a-sister, best friend of seventeen years gives me stand-up support and sent packages when I had miscarriages. She is someone whose porch I can sit and cry on, someone who will critique my paintings, someone to call when I have to talk something out, someone who will appreciate the really kitschy vintage plate I found at salvation army commemorating the New Jersey Turnpike.

My art teacher is one who always watched out for me and really encouraged me in my talents and still sends a personal note every Christmas. She even tried to set me up with boys I flirted with in class (what woman can’t appreciate a good crush?).

My former visiting teaching companion, who is old enough to be my mother, still stays up on the details of my life, sends the most personal notes, prays for me, shares her seminary files, and even comes to me (her far less wise junior) for advice.

I appreciate the woman I met at a conference and quickly bonded with over the course of a few days due to our shared passion for our professions, our faith, and our families.

I love the very emotional Morrocan mother I met on a medical mission, who explained she was just so worried about her child who was in surgery. I pulled a picture from my backpack of my own son, the same age. She immediately embraced me and wept, knowing I could appreciate as a mother her depth of concern.

So here you get it today: my shout out, pom-poms, rah-rah and so on for all the great women I have known. I truly am a composite of sisterhood experiences, of women’s influences and power.

Where do you find your strength in sisterhood? Do you feel powerful? How do your relationships with other women enrich your life?

Comments

17 Responses to “Wielding Power”

anita
February 21st, 2010 @ 8:27 am

great post! i love how you put it. i remember making a list, as a new wife, of women i wanted to emulate: aunt J for her hostessing, L for her enthusiasm and quest for knowledge, etc, and taking inspiration in the lives around us. my sisters and my sisters-in-law are truly my network and my support system. i love monthly brunches with all the female members of my mom’s family who are in town, and our email group, and the connection there; i love visiting teaching and serving in the relief society. i feel like the church is a wonderful place to be female, to feel that power and potential in every flavor around
Thanks!
Steph @ Diapers and Divinity
February 21st, 2010 @ 10:18 am

I’ve been thinking about this lately in context of a talk I heard Sister Julie Beck give recently, where she emphasized that a woman’s power is her INFLUENCE. It truly is a world-changing power when we can persuade those around us to choose righteousness through our example, our love, and our teaching. This influence, perhaps, was the wisdom that Eve used to set the plan of salvation in motion.
Tasha
February 21st, 2010 @ 12:38 pm

Thank you for that! It is just what I needed to start me off right on a difficult day. You are a powerful woman who has influenced me. Thank you again.
Angela T.
February 21st, 2010 @ 1:11 pm

“They are totally cool with being butter pecan, even if chocolate fudge brownie is still the most popular.”

Here here!
Jenny
February 21st, 2010 @ 3:56 pm

What do you mean, your lack of power in any recognizable domain? There I was watching ice dancing (the olympics) and a tall, beautiful blonde woman glides out on the ice with a black backless number on, and our mutual red-headed friend says “hey, is that Leslie?” It was then that we knew your medical mission was a front. The Olympics!!

Actually, your influence in my life has been huge, so may I add my appreciation for the diversity in sisterhood; we enrich and encourage each other in a way that only women can. It’s a beautiful thing.
Laura
February 21st, 2010 @ 5:14 pm

“you are too powerful to babysit our daughter” so says my husband. It’s the HIGH roundhouse kicks that make you powerful
You are a good woman Leslie!!!
My relationships with women most definately enrich my life, it’s like free therapy when you have a great girlfriend!
Carol
February 21st, 2010 @ 5:19 pm

What a beautiful celebration of sisterhood! As we respect and appreciate one another’s strengths and differences, we grow in love for our sisters. I love the visiting teachers program; since I have no siblings, it has provided me with a rich array of priceless and wonderful friends and sisters.

Thanks for this amazing post!
Rebecca
February 21st, 2010 @ 7:09 pm

My mom passed away 17 years ago, and with such a void, I feel like each woman I’ve met like those you’ve described are a tender mercy in my life. When I normally would call my mom, I’ve got stellar sisters and girlfriends I can call who would be just the kind of influence my mom prayed/(s) for.

Loved this post!
Julia
February 21st, 2010 @ 9:39 pm

You are an inspiration Les!! I am one of those people who can open up – sometimes I feel like I open up too much. But I feel like if someone doesn’t know the real me how can we really connect and create synergy? Thank you for validating that in me.
Leslie
February 21st, 2010 @ 10:37 pm

anita-I love the list- i have one of those in my head!

Steph- influence is considered so traditional, and is undervalued but it’s power is very real.

Hang in tasha-go get em!

angela- butter pecan all the way!

jenny and laura- you know my secret powerful alter egos!

carol and rebecca- it is great how others can fill in the sisterhood family voids we may lack.

Julia- yes- opening up- letting ourselves connect and share, it’s where the power is…
marintha
February 21st, 2010 @ 11:01 pm

Awesome post Leslie.
m&m
February 22nd, 2010 @ 12:35 am

Leslie, I love love love this post.

There is such POWER in womanhood and sisterhood. I think the adversary knows it, too. I love posts like this that can help us call that bluff in a big way.
Melissa
February 22nd, 2010 @ 2:12 am

Thank you for this beautiful post. I am so happy to read your words. I have recently been reflecting on the talent’s I do NOT possess, but looking at the ones that I DO possess. Many of my strengths are those that you mentioned, and I am finally getting the big picture that this kind of strength is truly an asset. I am butter pecan all the way. Thank you for celebrating this flavor!
jendoop
February 22nd, 2010 @ 8:00 am

There was a time in my adult life when I didn’t have a clue about who I was. The way I eventually worked it out was by looking at women I knew initimately that I admired and I strove to emulate them. I needed a IRL working example in my life, not a far removed charicature of the “perfect” woman. I imagined being those women in 20 years and thought about what I needed to do to get there.

Through the example of awesome women I’ve come to know who I am as an individual, empowered with a tangible vision.
dalene
February 22nd, 2010 @ 10:14 am

great post leslie. i experience many of these same feelings–almost to the point the sense of power and empowerment is tangible.

cjane posted along these same lines today, wondering what the world could be like if women (and this is not just a wordly thing, i see it happen in the church and even in some of the comments on this blog) could stop tearing one another down and embrace one another with respect and love. the power and good that brings about when it happens is amazing and wonderful. i believe it is a gift from God.
Rose
February 22nd, 2010 @ 11:37 am

I have 4 sisters and they are my best friends. I know that as strong determined women, working together, we can accomplish just about anything. I find strength in that. I find power in knowing that we choose how, when, where, and why. But I also feel frustration that too often we sit and we don’t.
Angie f
February 22nd, 2010 @ 10:08 pm

I just spent the weekend with my mom and my four sisters, celebrating my 40th birthday–a surprise present from my dear husband. He knows that they are my best friends, that living far away from all of them is difficult. But doing so teaches me to find sisterhood in those around me. We just had a sister in our ward who passed away after serving as VT coordinator the entire 9 years we have lived in the area. She knew what sisterhood meant and how true sisterhood knits hearts together. I think it’s that power used to knit our hearts, to create Zion where we stand, that helps us lead each other HOME. That is power and we all have it. Thanks for this lovely post.