Comments on: “You live in Utah now, put on some clothes”

By: Jennie

Jennie — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:24:43 +0000

I’m just the opposite of you, Shelah. I hated my chilly Utah neighbors and moved to Texas for some friendliness. Sounds like you totally lucked out!

By: Shelah

Shelah — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 14:42:02 +0000

Sage– You’re right, no one is telling me to put on clothes but me and my own guilty conscience. It’s just something I notice more now that my neighbors are LDS, not necessarily pressure I feel because anyone is putting on me.

I’m also glad I’m not the only one who apologizes when I don’t need to or shouldn’t. I think “sorry” is one of the words that comes out of my mouth the most frequently. And I agree with Miller that apologizing constantly in some ways takes the power out of an apology. Is that something else I should feel guilty about?

By: Sage

Sage — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:50:16 +0000

The best part of your post was that no one actually said the title of it to you! That said, the point you were making, I think, is that you said that to yourself and that made you feel just as bad as if someone had said it! I like what others have said about using that voice to make a change, but to be more motivated by your relationship with God than by a sense that you have to live up to your neighbors’ expectations. I think the Lord put us on earth with other people, though, so we would have some of tha social pressure to be the best we can be. We have to watch carefully so that pleasing the crowd isn’t our motivation or a source of pride, but just a nudge to help us reach for where we want to be. I grew up feeling a bit proud that I didn’t care what others thought of me, but as I’ve “matured” I think that this attitude prevented me from creating lasting friendships (but that’s another story).

By: FoxyJ

FoxyJ — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:07:16 +0000

I’ve actually lived in Utah for a number of years and never felt much judgement in any of the wards I’ve been in. If nothing else, they’ve mostly been like this ward I just moved into–a little standoffish at first. I think so much depends on your neighborhood or area that you are in. Utah is a pretty diverse place and there are many types of people here.

By: Josi

Josi — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:23:48 +0000

It was so nice to hear that your experience was so nice! I’ve lived in Utah all my life, there are quirks, but I get tired of people moving here and then being so critical of us. There’s so much talk about utah mormon’s being ‘judgemental’ but aren’t us Utah mormons being ‘judged’ but those same people? We’re good people and we do try, but we’re not perfect. We sometimes fall into the herd mentality like any other predominant group in any area, we get a lot of turnover in our wards and it’s hard to keep up or remember who is new this month–but we’re not horrible judgmental people, really, we’re not. Just like everyone else we are trying to do our best and trying to please the Lord and trying to keep our head above water most of the time.

So, welcome to Utah! We’re glad to have you!

By: Melib

Melib — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:10:44 +0000

That’s the tough thing about Utah – are you Mormon because you want to be or because you are embarrased by being human? Yes, the ward is very supportive but it’s always there and it’s always watching – that’s not a good reason to adjust your behavior.

By: jendoop

jendoop — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:15:36 +0000

FJ I think you’re right, apologizing brings more attention to it. Plus, that’s just the way real life is- messy, unorganized, and short (as in the shorts you were wearing.. sorry DH’s puns are rubbing off on me).

At the heart of this is why I feel uncomfortable every time I am in Utah and why I hesitate to even imagine moving back – judgement. When people around us know our personal standards we try to overcome our inadequacies by judging that others aren’t doing so hot either. It is a losing game, but still one that many people have to work to overcome – including me. It is easier to focus on what I need to do and ignore my neighbor’s flaws if we’re in essence playing a different game. Then there just isn’t much to compare. My personal struggles remain between myself and the Lord, as they in large part, should be.

I hope your desire to take a shower more quickly is more about your relationship with the Lord than pleasing your neighbor. Because in one of those relationships you’ll always end up lacking.

By: FoxyJ

FoxyJ — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:09:32 +0000

Justine–I feel special that you are excited that I’m here. Now I’m blushing. Maybe we’ll have to get together sometime, hopefully I’ll be feeling more social in a few weeks or so.

I’ve also been working on not apologizing so much. I think we should be aware of making others comfortable, but sometimes apologies draw more attention to things than ignoring them would.

By: Justine

Justine — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 23:32:00 +0000

FoxyJ, you’re back in Utah!? Welcome back! And congrats on the pregnancy. Sorry you’ve had an icy reception. Wards are their own animals sometimes.

I always feel compelled to dismiss the proclivities of my family life. I’ve been much better recently about not apologizing for everything, and it’s made me so much happier.

Glad to have you in this neck of the woods!

By: m&m

m&m — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:43:31 +0000

I am working on not apologizing, either. It’s hard, but I realize that I have to learn to be comfortable in my own life, with my own weaknesseses and trials.

I think by not apologizing, too, we can exhibit confidence in the people around us — that maybe they aren’t all judging us as harshly as we worry that they might be.

I like how this post, though, explores how sometimes we can take our fears of what others might think and look inward to think, “Should I, could I do better?” I think confidence and being comfortable w/ one’s self is important, but so is being willing to be humble, look inward and make changes where needed.