Your Bum is Showing

Posted by Jennie | January 7, 2010 | 57 Comments

I live in a place that has a relatively nice winter climate. Consequently there is quite a large population of panhandlers (or hobos, as my kids prefer to call them). Usually they wait at freeway exits and stoplights with their handmade signs stating the reasons I should feel extra sorry for them (I’m a veteran! I’m a mom of two! I need fuel for my private jet!–yes, one sign actually said that. I love a good sense of humor). I usually give them a dollar. I don’t care if they are drug addicts or make a good living begging for money. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. As the scriptures say, are we not all beggars of the Lord? Don’t we all depend on Him for everything we have? So I’m not about to judge who is worthy of one measly dollar.

Last week I was driving downtown when I stopped at a verrrry long red light. As usual there was a guy wandering up and down the line of cars, looking for a handout. He was an older man missing several teeth and looking quite scraggly. He wore a nice Dallas Cowboys football jersey, some ratty pants and a cast on his leg (for show or not, I have no idea), but he kept pointing to it, I guess to emphasize his sad state. I rolled down my window and handed the guy a dollar. As he stuffed it in his pocket he slurred, “I’m not a bum. This is an $80 jersey, you know.”

Stop right there.

The only reason I was giving him money was because he is a bum. His pathetic state is why I opened my window and imparted my substance. I don’t just go around handing a dollar to everyone waiting at a corner after all.

I don’t have an $80 jersey.

In short, I kind of wanted my money back.

If someone is begging and they look very clean and their clothes are decent I’m a little hesitant to give them something. I figure they must not be as needy as someone with holes in their clothes and a matted beard. Basically, I want to feel like I’m Jennie the Hero not Jennie the Chump.

I guess I have just admitted that I have a double standard.

Like I said, I do almost always give them money. But sometimes there is more of a dialogue in my head than others (is he really a vet? Why doesn’t he get help from the government? He’s probably just a drunk. Who cares, though, it’s only a dollar.)

Some members of the church pay their tithing and figure that 10% is more than enough and they are done giving after that. Some people pay tithing as well as giving here and there if it’s for “a good cause”. I would like to think that I give more freely than that, but I probably don’t. I like to think that I give willingly, but honestly that’s not the case. Even if it’s begrudgingly at times, I still give. That’s the important thing, right? Right?

How important is the attitude of giving? Is it just about the substance? And how much giving is enough? Where and how do you draw the line?

Comments

57 Responses to “Your Bum is Showing”

traci
January 7th, 2010 @ 10:28 am

When we go to the big city! – yeah! – they have signs all around asking that you not give to the beggars, then list the agencies that would take care of them, shelters, food pantries, church groups, you get the picture.
Are there some that fall thru the cracks, sure. But, I can see the advantage. I am disabled and I knew factually of a guy for years that was a double amputee and rocked back and forth outside Lazarus every day making over $1,000.00 a month in the 80′s. He said it was just tooo simple – every since then i haven’t given much.

My DH always gives if they have a dog – to the dog. WE both will offer a meal or groceries, to various beggars, if this is not good enough for them, then we are leary.

Yeh, if I saw him again – i would ask for my $ back.

On the other hand, I had a teacher tell me, if we give with a giving heart – if they are a cheat it is on them, not us. We are just asked to give.

So we’re back to clear as mud I guess. (smile)
Claudia
January 7th, 2010 @ 10:42 am

Who to give to is a very difficult decision. Giving $1.00 today is like giving a penny back in the “brother can you spare a dime” days. Even well off people wear cloths with holes in them that are not clean. Homeless shelters have showers. I was struck by the thought you mention, “why doesn’t he get money from the government” it seems to me like it needs answering.

The government does not hand money out to panhandlers. The social safety net we call SSI pays a little over $500.00 a month to single unemployable or disabled persons. Each applicant must demonstrate that they have no assets and virtually no savings. Depending on where they live that money will barely pay for food and probably not a place to live. If they actually earn money from an employer who will report it to the IRS, whatever they earn will be deducted from their monthly check. Getting money from the government is not an easy thing. It can take months and sometimes years before an applicant will be approved. That is why he didn’t just get money from the government.

If we are to believe the Book of Mormon and the story of the widows might, attitude is everything. You will notice that the situation or attitude of the person in need is not mentioned in either place.
Nate
January 7th, 2010 @ 10:51 am

I don’t remember where, but I read something that had a quote from a GA or someone (sorry for the lack of recall) about giving to people begging on the corner. His response, instead of giving money (which one always wonders where it ends up), was to hand that person a can of food that he kept in his car for just such an occasion. I’ve thought of doing this as well, using one of those pop-top cans (like ravioli) and taping a plastic spoon to the can. That way you know that it will serve its intended purpose, instead of being misused or wasted on alcohol.
mormonhermitmom
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:27 am

I rarely carry cash these days thanks to direct deposit and debit cards, but if I do have cash, it’s usually coins. I empty those out in Salvation Army buckets at Christmas time. I put them in the little fundraiser boxes at cash registers. If a panhandler touches me for money, he/she gets my spare change. I figure that if I give where I can, it counts. The recipients will be held responsible for how they use their collected funds. Was it for food or for drugs? I don’t need to know.
La Yen
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:29 am

We live in a Hobo Hot Spot Heaven. Over the past five years I have gotten to know and recognize some of the regulars. There are a few I ALWAYS give to, because I know that they are hungry and seriously impaired. There are a few I NEVER give to because they have been on the same corner, at the same time, with the same sign, for five years. Literally five years. Very punctual. I didn’t give to the guy who has a sign reading “Don’t make Santa cry” because I don’t like to be manipulated. But I DID give to the kid who had a sign that said “I just want to go to Cancun.” Because I am all for honesty. (If someone had a “Feline Aids” sign I would empty my wallet.)

I try to keep a prayer in my heart as I give, and if I feel like it is needed I do it. But we also have a lot of people just randomly accosting others in parking lots, gas stations, etc for spare change, dollars, anything. It gets overwhelming. There is never enough. My grandma always has McDonalds dollars to give out. I have tried to give out gift cards, but–I SWEAR–I have had to explain what it is and how to use it and it seems like I have not been believed too often.

Lately I have become aware of the panhandling laws in my area–I can be ticketed and fined if I give money to someone on the street. So I have started making sure that I only give to those on the sidewalk or curb.
Rose
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:29 am

I have never felt comfortable giving money to people on the street. Anytime I have I haven’t felt good about it and any time I haven’t I’ve only felt sadness over the person who has found themselves in the position to be “begging”. I have always felt more comfortable asking what that person needs, a coat, sunscreen, food, diapers for a little one, etc. I would much rather give those kinds of things that I know are helping (and worth more than a dollar) rather than money that I don’t know what it will be used for. I figure its my hard earned money and if I am giving it away I ought to have a say as to where it goes. I am not trying to sound snotty or anything, although reading back over what I’ve written I think it does sound kind of snotty, so please note that I am not being snotty just honest.
Jenny
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:45 am

I’m laughing over here!! Your title (your BUM is showing), and then Traci’s probably totally innocent comment about “falling through the cracks”…

The other day I passed a panhandler with a sign on the corner of a busy intersection (I do NOT live in a warm climate!) who was holding out his one hand for donations, and holding a cell phone and talking with his other hand. I could not withhold judgment. And there was no room for prayer in my heart at that very moment… It’s a hard thing.
Tay
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:47 am

Whenever I see a homeless person on the way out of a grocery store parking lot, I always want to throw food to them from my car window. But I’m never sure if they would find granola bars or boxes of crackers flying their way as a generous deed or something rude. I’d get out or stop, but my toddler is usually having a fit by that point in errand running.
Dovie
January 7th, 2010 @ 12:05 pm

It sounds like other than the shirt, from what you describe the man looked like he had a pretty hard life. If he has happened upon a $80 shirt by whatever means I wouldn’t begrudge it too much. The fact that he would say that in those circumstances makes me think there might be some mental issues going on. Anyway who wants be be thought of as a bum? If I were in desperate circumstances I would hope that there would be a few kind souls that would see past the “bumish” exterior. Whether or not I had a really cool shirt.

It reminds me of a antidote that a GA told years ago. He was supervising a group of youth that were taking food and gifts to a family in tough circumstances for Christmas. The family had a nice color television in the middle of their poverty. After leaving some of the youth said some judgmental things about the family and how they didn’t think it was right that they should have that color television. The GA immediately reproved the youth and essentially said “Don’t you dare judge that family from your position of privilege. That television might be the only nice thing, the only little pleasure those children get to enjoy. Don’t you begrudge them that.”

I grew up with not a lot. On occasion my dad (when he would visit) would get us some nice gift that was not reflective of our economic situation. I’m sure I said, “I’m not a bum” not those words exactly but ones tinged with the same feeling, more than once in my growing up. Probably even to some of the children of the parents that would help on occasion to provide for us.

It can be hard to sort it all out and I don’t judge you for thing those thoughts, I might have had a similar initial reaction. My husband is not a giver to pan handlers and thinks that they are all con artists, I tend to take a softer view I guess, that no matter what there position is worse than mine and my few dollars has a potential to bless.
Dovie
January 7th, 2010 @ 12:23 pm

Self correction always comes to late.

thinking not thing and their not there

So there.
Katie
January 7th, 2010 @ 12:24 pm

I don’t generally give to panhandlers, but they are also pretty rare around here and I never have any cash on me, so it’s not something I’m often confronted with. My husband will usually give some money if he has some on him. I do try to donate to food drives and that kind of thing, though, when asked.

As for giving past tithing… this is something I wonder about. For most of my life up to this point I haven’t really been able to afford giving much to the poor (my husband only graduated from college last year), although I would like to. So, I generally do think of tithing as being enough (well, tithing and a generous fast offering). I hope that once we are out of debt and on sound financial footing that we will give more, I just hope that day doesn’t get put off longer than it should.
Kathryn Soper
January 7th, 2010 @ 1:08 pm

Awesome post, Jennie.

When I’m approached by a beggar, I try to remember that his or her heart isn’t on trial. Rather, mine is.

I want God to give me mercy even when I don’t deserve it. He’s granted me forgiveness many a time, knowing full well that I’d squander the gift and be back begging the next day. I want to give to others using that same paradigm. It’s not easy.

Paying tithing is not giving to the poor. It’s helping to pay the operating costs of the institutional church. It’s charitable giving, to be sure, but it’s not giving to the the poor.

Paying fast offerings is giving to the poor, but only the poor members of the Church. Our obligation doesn’t end there.
Sue
January 7th, 2010 @ 1:11 pm

I try to discern who really needs the help and also make sure that I’m not enabling an alcoholic or drug addict to get more substances to abuse. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that. The way I do this is to make a note of where the person I want to help is, find the nearest place to get some food, purchase something healthy to eat, and bring it back to give to that individual.

Usually, he or she is happy to take it. But I’ve also been refused by people who only want money. That makes me think that their plans for the money are less than good ones.

I still think the best way to give is through food banks, charities, fast offerings and so forth. But once in a while I feel impressed to reach out to someone, and I always assume that’s the Spirit telling me to help.

=)
Tiffany
January 7th, 2010 @ 1:12 pm

When we lived in Chicago I quickly overcame the “a dollar to every bum” rule. I’d be broke at the end of the year. There were always stories on the news about the scams some of these folks were running, including the one about one particular guy who made 50K a year by “not begging”. He’d just sit on the street with shabby clothes and and really big puppy eyes with a hat. Same type story in small tourist town Alaska. It was then that I clamped up my purse and started writing checks to legitimate charities instead. Occasionally I will give to someone, but I am pretty much past the “street guilt” thing by knowing where exactly our charity money goes. I have also given actual food to people who tell me they’re hungry. Sometimes they look grateful, others notsomuch.
al
January 7th, 2010 @ 1:20 pm

We give bums food. Everytime. Sometimes it just a banana and a juicebox, but we give them whatever snacks we have in the car. My son loves it. He likes to say, “Mommy, we just fed the hungry people like Jesus did!”
I won’t give money. I know from personal experience (family members) how much of a disservice it can be to give an addict money.
Justine
January 7th, 2010 @ 1:25 pm

There’s an interesting cultural norm that occurs in highly low-income demographics. The value placed on relationships and experiences is heavily weighted against the more rational values that the middle class embraces, such as frugality and prudence. There are scores of stories out there, but I’ll just share one.

A congregation in New England saved and purchased a used refrigerator for an impoverished family in their neighborhood. Three weeks later, when someone form the congregation was visiting them, the fridge was gone. The explanation was that they sold it so their family could go camping together up the coast – somewhere they’d always wanted to go.

No rational “middle income” family would consider such an option, but a huge piece in overcoming the poverty gap we’ve got is to overcome this single cultural paradigm.

That might explain the shirt anyway…
Michelle L.
January 7th, 2010 @ 2:01 pm

Interesting story Justine. I’ve seen some similar ones…

The Deseret News had a story a few years ago where the writer interviewed a pan-handler. The beggar said, “We can all get food and clothes from the shelter. Every dollar you give a beggar, every single one, goes towards drugs and alcohol.” This man claimed he knew every homeless individual in Salt Lake and he said that everyone that begged for money, including himself, was an alcoholic or drug addict.

That’s when I switched to handing out granola bars.
Jennifer
January 7th, 2010 @ 2:06 pm

I was under the impression that Fast Offerings are not only used for members in need – the Bishop can use them for non-members as well. So I /do/ feel that my titheing and fast offerings are sufficient on a regular basis. However, that dosn’t mean I wouldn’t allow myself to follow a special prompting to donate in another way from time to time. As far as pan-handlers or “bums” go, I try to remember to keep snacks in my vehicle to pass out. I’ve had them refused before… at which point I feel that I’ve don’t my part to offer a particular sort of assistance. They have every right to refuse but not to make me feel guilty about it!
Sue
January 7th, 2010 @ 3:11 pm

I would bet that 95% of the time, fast offerings are used for member or part-member families.

I don’t give out money to people on the street, because I like to try to be a good steward over the money/goods I plan to use for charitable purposes, but – no, I don’t think tithing and fast offerings are enough. I think we use that as an excuse for not serving or giving. I think Christ would be dismayed by that attitude.

We aren’t just supposed to give what is comfortable. We are supposed to sacrifice to serve our fellow man. It doesn’t always have to be financial donations – but we should be actively engaged in helping others, as much as it is possible for us to do so.

I don’t think the prophet thinks tithing and fast offerings are enough either, judging by the new area of emphasis in the church – caring for the poor and needy.
Kathryn Soper
January 7th, 2010 @ 3:18 pm

This thread reminds me of a Deseret News article highlighted by Chieko Okazaki in one of her many amazing essays. I’ll never forget the part when the writer asks this elderly man who’d just helped a stranger whether he ever worried about being ‘taken,’ and he replied, “Nope. I just bought myself a good feeling. Cheap. If he’s taking advantage of me, that’s his problem, not mine.”
Jennie
January 7th, 2010 @ 3:27 pm

Kathy, I tend to agree with that Okazaki article.

I like to give out bottles of water in the summertime since it’s hot here in Texas. Panhandlers are always very grateful. My mom gives out cans of stew.
Jill M.
January 7th, 2010 @ 3:55 pm

Hobos: I give a bottle of water if I have it and if they are not standing in or around traffic.
That is easy.
But I just recently decided to up my monthly offering to help out with the 10 missionaries we have serving in the ward. When I discussed the best way to do this with my Bishop, he said I needed to choose one and donate in his/her specific name. I confess: I took a quick inventory of how the mothers of the “most in need” dress, and compared my own wardrobe. I chose the missionary with two non-member parents whom I have never met…
Lindsay1138
January 7th, 2010 @ 4:33 pm

In todays economic state, some of us are a few dollars away from being homeless ourselves! I donate to the food bank, I take stuff I don’t need to DI, and I do my best to pay my tithing.

My SIL did a fundraiser to help pay for medical bills for a girl who needed a kidney. Two weeks later all the money was gone but the family had a new 4-wheeler. That makes you mad.
ScW
January 7th, 2010 @ 5:02 pm

Its really not up to us to decide who is the “worthy poor”. Read Mosiah chap 4. There is your answer.
MD
January 7th, 2010 @ 5:15 pm

Interesting topic because today I gave a man on the corner a $20 bill.

I NEVER, EVER, EVER give to someone standing on the corner (unless it’s a firman collecting money in a boot for Jerry’s Kids).

I grew up in the Detroit Metro Area. I took classes at a college in downtown Detroit. One evening as I made my way to class, a woman asked me for money so she could get on the bus to get to a shelter. I gave her a few dollars. It was Michigan in the dead of winter. It was freezing cold–below zero wind chill factor. Did I mention this woman was not wearing a coat? When I came down from class 3 hours later she was still out there asking for money for the bus to get to a shelter. She didn’t recognize me. She was a drug addict and I vowed to never give again.

Today I gave because I know the Spirit told me to. Honestly the look on this man’s face when I gave him the $20 was awesome. He was extremely touched. And his faced told me that he was not going to go spend it on drugs.

Right before I gave him $20 someone stopped and gave him a coffee or hot chocolate, which I thought was kind since it was unusually cold here today.

What I learned is I should pay attention to the Spirit because the Spirit will direct us what to give and to whom we should give.
RunnerMom
January 7th, 2010 @ 5:19 pm

I worked at a homeless shelter for years. I learned to carry a few “business cards” from the local shelter or soup kitchen in my purse. When I encounter someone panhandling, I direct them toward the shelter. Occasionally this is helpful, as some might truly need the food/clothing and not know where to go. I have no problem giving a dollar with the card. Donating time to a shelter or charity is a great way to give and to get to know some of the local “bums.” I really hate that word. They are children of God, just like you and me. Nuf said.
Emily W.
January 7th, 2010 @ 5:47 pm

We lived in San Francisco for 4 years while my husband went to dental school. Our first week there, in one of the orientation meetings, the students were told NOT to give money to the panhandlers because they have such a huge problem with them there.

INSTEAD, we were told to give them toiletries or socks. So that’s what we did. Whenever we were at Costco, we’d buy an extra multi-pack of mens white sport socks, keep them in our car, and hand those out. They were always received with happiness and gratitude.

We also never made it home with left-overs because we’d inevitably run into a panhandler on our way to our car after leaving the restaurant.

Two good ways to have charity and compassion with out worrying if you’re contributing to a larger problem or feeding a drug habit.
Emily W.
January 7th, 2010 @ 6:07 pm

#2 Claudia: The government absolutely DOES hand out cash to the homeless–in San Francisco, at least! Above and beyond what they may or may not get from SSI. Which is why they have such a HUGE homeless population. That is how Gavin Newsome got elected. By promising to offer “Care, Not Cash”.

Unfortunately, he didn’t follow through on a single campaign promise. And the homeless problem keeps growing with all that entails. (More crime, scares off tourists, etc.)
Researcher
January 7th, 2010 @ 6:44 pm

I know it’s policy around here to be very careful when mentioning others’ comments, so I will try and say this very tactfully.

Even in a “cut and dry” case like the family purchasing a new (or new to them) car and perhaps using donated medical funds, as mentioned in comment 23, things might not be as simple (or horrible) as they could look to someone who is not intimately involved with the situation.

My youngest has a major heart condition. He’s had numerous surgeries and is doing well but we still have regular medical appointments and need to monitor his health continually. There is always the chance that he might suddenly or gradually have complications and need to go to the hospital or go into heart failure and need to be listed for a heart transplant.

When I was expecting him, something looked funny at his 20 week ultrasound, and then several weeks later, his condition was diagnosed at a large hospital and then confirmed at a major children’s hospital. We had several months before he was born, and one of the things we did to prepare for his birth and immediate surgery was to go out and buy a car. The car we would have been driving back and forth to the hospital was unreliable. It stalled at random times. We absolutely could not have unreliable transportation with all the trips back and forth to the hospital and the potential of emergencies.

One of the first things I would do if my child was put on a list for a transplant would be to make sure that I had reliable transportation. If that involved buying a new car, I would do so.

I don’t know any more about the family mentioned in comment 23 than what was mentioned there, but I thought it might be worth explaining that, since it’s easy to make snap judgments about peoples’ situations, but it’s not so easy to be right.
Dovie
January 7th, 2010 @ 7:16 pm

Oh and in #9 anecdote not antidote… but if someone knows a good antidote for my only in hind site self editing, I’m all ears and it might make a funny anecdote.
m&m
January 7th, 2010 @ 7:25 pm

This topic always kinda leaves my head spinning, because I can see all sides.

But I do think that sometimes we hear that Mosiah 4 scripture in our heads and don’t really think about what we actually might be doing if we give to that beggar — like breaking the law, or reinforcing something that causes a problem for the city, or doing something we have been asked specifically not to do, or actually feeding their problems (and then saying, “it’s their problem” — that’s not wise, imo — I’m not sure it’s really Christlike to enable unhealthy behavior or to do something just because we feel better after not saying no).

Here’s something that I think is important: We talk often of how we shouldn’t let people take advantage/manipulate/abuse us in other situations, of how being Christlike doesn’t preclude boundaries and hard choices that sometimes mean saying no. We make pains to encourage strong women not to do something simply out of guilt or as a result of manipulation, and yet it seems sometimes in situations like this that we insist that it’s more noble to never question whether it’s the right thing to do to just make a choice that may simply feed unhealthy behavior or other negatives. Why wouldn’t Mosiah 4 apply to other situations with people we know?

That’s one of the things that kind of twists my brain. I’m just not sure we shouldn’t be wise in these kinds of situations, too. I’m just not sure that always giving all the time is actually the most Christlike thing to do. Sometimes saying no may actually be right to actually, really help them by not feeding bad behavior. Hard to discern w/ strangers, though. But does that mean we shouldn’t seek for discernment?

All of that said, I have a really, really hard time passing people like that because I hate that feeling of looking the other way as though I don’t see them. That is the part that bugs me the most. If I give, I like to give food or water.
MD
January 7th, 2010 @ 8:10 pm

#23 Maybe someone donated the 4-wheeler?

Or maybe after paying for the medical expenses with the donated money the strain on the family’s budget wasn’t so great so they decided to splurge?

Or maybe they bought it on credit with money they didn’t have?

Or maybe they did use the donated money but thought it was alright too because after all her struggles they believed their daughter (and the other children in the house who’ve probably had to sacrifice as well) deserved a treat?

Or maybe they are entitled jerks?

Ultimately we don’t know, unless we ask, but your sister was righteous in her choice to assist a child’s medical needs. If her parents are creeps, she still shouldn’t be denied.

My oldest daughter attends a Titled 1 elementary school and every weekend they send a backpack home with children in need filled with food. I sent several boxes of food to school with my daughter and my DH wanted to know why I was clearing out our food storage (pancake mix & mac & cheese). When I explained he countered that these kids were already getting free breakfast and lunch in school I told him that was true but who was feeding them on Saturday and Sunday? Even if their family received food stamps it doesn’t mean it’s enough to feed everyone living in the house or that mom/dad use food stamps for food. Ultimately the charity is for child irrespective of whether the parents are deserving.

I guess my point for #23 is it is always right to help a child because children are helpless and subjected to the their parents.
Jennie
January 7th, 2010 @ 9:22 pm

MD- I grew up in Detroit too! Fond memories of getting mugged downtown. Do I know you?
Heather
January 7th, 2010 @ 10:51 pm

This is only mildly related to the wonderful discussion that is taking place here, but I wanted to take the chance to tell about a con that I fell victim to. I am embarassed about it, but mad enough to tell everyone I know so that they don’t get caught up in it too.

This summer a young man (I thought he was about 16) came to my home selling sets of children’s books. I rarely even listen to the pitch from these kinds of things, but I was outside weeding and the kids were riding their bikes, so I was pretty captive. He was very charming and told me that he was doing a fundraiser for his soccer team. He told me that he lived in the neighborhood and asked me if I knew his Mom. His story was very detailed–soccer team going to South America for a tournament, he thought it was awesome because every other year they’ve gone to CA, TX, etc., last year they had to sell candles, he was so excited because he just got his passport in the mail, he told me what position he played, etc. He seemed like a typical teenager, even apologizing when he misspoke saying he was nervous.

I generally feel like books are a good investment, and I felt like this young man was working hard to earn money for his soccer team–basically I fell for it. The only red flag I saw at the time was that right as he was leaving I asked him which school he went to (which I should have known if I remembered him saying he lived up the street), and he told me he was homeschooled. But then he immediately asked me if I homeschooled my kids and told me how great it was; so again, I believed him (in hindsight saying he was homeschooled allowed him to avoid questions about who he knew from school). There was a small part of me that wondered if I was falling for something, but this guy was SO GOOD I couldn’t imagine that someone would be able to have so many nuances to their lies. I was wrong.

Fast forward to today. I still have not received my books. Several months ago I located the receipt he gave me intending to call and demand answers. The phone number on the receipt is not a toll-free number and just goes to a voicemail–never a real person. I immediately began to realize what was going on, so I googled the company and quickly found out that this is a massive con. The BBB has given this “company” an ‘F’ rating and there are postings all over the internet of news stories about these con groups moving through cities. It turns out that this young man was probably in his 20′s (not a teenager) and everything he told me was a LIE.

I suppose it is possible that I may someday receive the books I ordered and paid for (although internet searches of others’ experiences do not give me much hope), but my decision to make the purchase was based on completely false information. I would have NEVER bought a set of full-priced books from a door-to-door salesman, but a charismatic kid trying to raise money for his soccer team apparently hooked me into the con. I am mad at myself, but at the same time, this kid was so good, I don’t know what I could have done differently. My daughter’s school alone does 4-5 fundraisers a year–kids are always at my door selling things. I had no reason to suspect him as being anything other than who he said he was.

SO HERE IS THE SCOOP: Do NOT buy anything from anyone representing United Family Circulation. They “sold” me books, but according to the internet they primarily “sell” magazine subscriptions.

I was fooled and lost hard-earned money. I truly hope that by sharing my story you can avoid the same thing happening to you!

As for the current discussion, I think there is merit to being cautious about where you donate your money. I personally feel that the best place to “increase” your giving is in fast offerings. I know the bishopric is very aware of where the Lord wants those donations to go.
anon this time
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:03 pm

I just watched “The Soloist” last night. Amazingly sad and terrific movie. At the end it stated that there are 90,000+ homeless in the greater Los Angeles area. I don’t know how anyone can hand out enough dollar bills there. This is a huge issue all over the world. With really, no answers on how to fix it.

I think it all comes down to what we can each do with our own small spot on earth. Decide on what you can do, and then do it. If it means not giving handouts and instead donating to a food bank – great. If it means upping your offerings – great. Just figure out what you can do to make a difference and don’t worry so much about what others may or may not be doing.

Personally, I can’t give cash to panhandlers. Honestly, it’s just not something I’m comfortable with. But I do donate to the Food Bank, and try to give as much as I can beyond tithing. We did 6 sub for Santa families this year, and also gave to the Bishop so he could disperse to whoever he thought needed it. And we donate WAY too much to DI. Is there more I can do? Of course. There always is. Just look around you. Someone you know very well may actually really need some help. And I would hope that when I needed some help, someone may notice me, even if I’m not on the corner asking.
m&m
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:16 pm

I learned to carry a few “business cards” from the local shelter or soup kitchen in my purse.

This was an idea I had, but have never done. Maybe I should. I like it.
Arianne
January 7th, 2010 @ 11:58 pm

I wish I had a hard and fast rule that I believed in philosophically so I always knew what to do. But I don’t. I usually just wing it. Sometimes I give, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it just depends on if the light is long enough for me to get the money out and hand it to them before I get honked at! But if I have a dollar handy, I usually try to give. If they offer to do something like wash my window, I absolutely give. I’m all for people being enterprising and earning their money. And sometimes I dont give. If I’m feeling stingy or poor or don’t have change or the person doesn’t “look” deserving. Sometimes I tell myself paying a fast offering is enough. Yeah, I just don’t know the right answer to this question.
Blue
January 8th, 2010 @ 12:02 am

yesterday as i was exiting the thrift store where i’d purchased a pair of church pants for my kid, a man approached and asked me if i had some change or a dollar i could give him.

i actually didn’t have any cash on me, and told him “sorry”. but it occurred to me as i walked away that it’s got to be almost like asking a girl to dance, or asking someone out on a date…to get the courage up to just ask a complete stranger to give you money. not quite the same when they’re set up with signs etc. but to approach someone directly…that takes some guts. or desperation. the experience made me think.
elizabeth-w
January 8th, 2010 @ 12:30 am

As one who who works in the addictions field, I know lots of people who panhandle. I want it to be hard for them to get high. I have people spending hundreds of dollars a day to support their habit. Hundreds. They will let their lights/heat get shut off, not eat, etc in order to get narcotics. Giving cash is something I would never do.

I really appreciate this post because I have done some of these ideas, but I love the idea of the water bottles in the summer, the socks, etc. And, I think it would be good for my kids to see me do that, instead of nothing.
Amira
January 8th, 2010 @ 12:32 am

I completely agree with anon this time. We’ve been very happy donating to the Church’s humanitarian aid fund. We’ve seen firsthand where that money goes and how it is spent and we are happy to give our spare change, and some that’s not so spare, to that fund. We choose to do that rather than give extra to fast offerings, or to people who ask us for money in public.

As for not giving money to people because they might misspend it, I rarely give money when people ask me for it, no matter the circumstances, but when I do, I consider it to be their money, not mine anymore. If someone gave me money and told me to buy, for example, food or clothes for my children, but instead we bought something else we thought we needed more, I wouldn’t be interested in that person telling me I’d spent “their” money inappropriately. I might have spent my money in a way they didn’t like it, but they really don’t have a say in it anymore.

One of the biggest problems in aid given around the world is that the recepients aren’t asked what they need; instead others come in and tell them what help they will be getting. We can’t expect complete control over the money we give and also show respect for the decisions and needs of the recepients.
jks
January 8th, 2010 @ 12:36 am

Heather – I feel for you. It feels horrible to be robbed or conned or anything. And it is embarrassing even though it was a professional and that is what they do and they are good at it. Don’t be embarrassed and thanks for sharing the warning.
I have also heard of the scams where the salespeople are victims too. They are sent to an unknown city and charged for room and board and can never sell enough to pay their room and board back so they are in bondage.
It’s a tough world out there.
Selwyn
January 8th, 2010 @ 3:23 am

Panhandlers aren’t very common in Australia – there are homeless, yet not very much begging at all, particularly outside the capital cities.

Giving is always difficult for me, in terms of how much to give to whom/which organisation. Organisations come door-knocking to raise money, and it is all very regulated by law so you don’t get ripped off.

I’ve decided to give to one organisation that helped me as a child, at to that organisation alone. Which makes it easier to say to other seekers “Sorry, I already support a children’s fund” without feeling like a scrooge.

And as others have said, I believe that the attitude is more important than the donation. But it’s harder for me sometimes to lose the poor attitude than give a generous donation. Bummer.
Kathryn Soper
January 8th, 2010 @ 8:52 am

But it’s harder for me sometimes to lose the poor attitude than give a generous donation. Bummer.

I hear you, Selwyn.

The tricky thing about this issue is that there’s a whole spectrum of right actions to take. Those who lean toward the side of caution can easily end up being framed as judgmental pharisees, and those who lean toward the side of trust can likewise easily be pegged as foolish enablers.

I’d rather err toward the side of trust when it comes to a dollar and a beggar. But if I start criticizing those who take a different approach, I become guilty of the same hasty and controlling judgment I might suspect of them.

The benefit of the doubt may be the greatest gift we can give a stranger, on the street corner as well as online.
Matt
January 8th, 2010 @ 10:11 am

As part of our ward’s youth conference this year, our youth spent most of a day at a soup kitchen in downtown Salt Lake. Someone asked if there was any problem with serving someone seconds or thirds, and the director said that his policy was try and stuff as much food as possible into everyone who showed up. His reasoning was that many of them would be high for the next several days, and might not even think about eating food for another week.

I almost never encounter anyone on the street in my normal day-to-day routine, and if I do, I never have cash on me to begin with. But I agree with #15 and others that tangible goods are better than money. My experience with addicts has convinced me that giving cash to an addict ALWAYS does far more harm than good.
Lindsay1138
January 8th, 2010 @ 10:55 am

The problem my SIL had was not only did the money not go for the little girls health needs–or anything to help her at all, (because a 6-year old girl does not need an adult sized 4-wheeler), but that the family was pretty demanding and wanted all sorts of things like the leftover prizes from the carnival and leftover sodas–things that could be returned to help cut the cost of the fundraiser down. And they weren’t grateful at all, more like “why didn’t you raise more?”
Researcher
January 8th, 2010 @ 2:11 pm

Ha. I thought a four-wheeler was some form of transportation. I evidently don’t live in Utah. Other than that, I can’t say anything about the merits of the case or the depths of depravity of the family, just that kind and charitable fund raisers might want to consider paying bills directly rather than handing someone a check, so these kinds of misunderstandings don’t occur.
Geoff J
January 8th, 2010 @ 5:51 pm

I just wanted to congratulate you on one of the best post titles I’ve seen in a long time. It was so good that I had to click through on the MA (ldsblogs.org) link.
Claudia
January 8th, 2010 @ 6:37 pm

#28 Emily. I do not live in California. The feds do not hand out cash.

I just want to report that the people who live in Utah at least are generally generous. I do not live in Utah. However, two of my children have spent some time in Salt Lake city. Once one of them was out of money and hungry the pawn shop was the only place where cash was available. I don’t remember what the item was that brought a little cash, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is a total stranger saw him coming out of the pawn shop and just handed him money. It made up what he lacked.

The other of my children lost a good warm coat while riding the tracks. A few days later someone gave him a warm fleece jacket to wear. It wasn’t the quality of the lost coat but it kept out the cold.

I don’t know how many other strangers have helped my children out of an emergency situation. Probably more than I know about. I am grateful that such people keep their hearts and eyes open. I like to think the spirit prompted and continues to prompt the actions of many who set out to help meet the needs of the poor among us.
Paula
January 9th, 2010 @ 2:10 am

The scouts in our ward served food at a local shelter two weeks ago. The employee who gave us all the tour advocates passing out cards for the “Union Gospel Mission” (where they feed and offer shelter to sober homeless people). They say NEVER, EVER, GIVE MONEY. Money supports alcohol and drug purchases. (Cardboard sign-holding is a gig. And it pays better than flippin’ burgers and salting fries.)

If you want to keep a box of granola bars and water bottles in your car to hand out, that’s preferred over cash. I’ll never give money again, and won’t feel guilty about it either. Not interested in buying into anyone’s substance abuse.
Quincy
January 9th, 2010 @ 8:41 am

I typically don’t give money to panhandlers. It started when I was a high school exchange student in Germany. I was walking down a busy street in Cologne that was lined with people sitting on the sides with various signs that said “habe hunger” or something to that effect. I was 16 and not quite so naive that I didn’t know what the money would go for. It happened that there was a cart selling fruit and I bought two large apples. I took them to the young man with the “Habe hunger” sign and placed them in his hat. He looked at me like, “what the heck?”. I can’t recall if he said Danke, but he wasn’t exactly grateful. I walked off however feeling like I had done a good thing. A minute later, a man stopped me and said that he had seen what I had done and thought it was very clever that I gave food instead of money since the beggar really wanted cash for some “trink”. The moral was that people are watching.

Now, years have gone by and I’ve spent a great deal of time in cities with even larger populations of homeless and panhandlers. Once in NYC, I was leaving an event in a suit and when a guy came up asking me to buy him a peanut butter sandwich from a deli, how could I say no. It was a cold night and I was nicely dressed and could help him. He was grateful. I also became well acquainted with who was homeless and who was showing up to beg. When the opportunity arises, I give food.

Nowadays, I still don’t give cash. I live in a nice building in a downtown area that isn’t so nice. We have a gas station a few blocks away that happens to be one of the cheapest spots to buy gas in the valley. Some of the people begging there are our “neighbors” from the old apartments next to our high-rise. It’s definitely hard to know when to give and what to say. I’m always tempted to tell those begging at this particular gas station that they should go to a nicer gas station that charges more because this station is where the people looking to spend the least amount go.

Finally, in the ward in this area, I’ve been involved with the disbursement of fast offering funds for the needy. The transient bishops have a tendency to put these people in our area because the housing is cheap. We see a lot of “abuse of the system” and when possible we put an end to it. The Bishop’s philosophy is that our task with the fast offerings is to judiciously help them where we can. Sure, we’ll end up helping a few that will betray the purposes of the offerings, but great will be the reward for the few that genuinely need help. He particularly enjoys fulfilling the task of “seeking out the needy” and providing for those who are in need but do not ask out of pride or self sufficiency.
Linda
January 9th, 2010 @ 1:40 pm

I was at Fisherman’s Wharf the other day and there on the sidewalk was a dirty, dishelved and sad looking man. I witnessed another man walk up to him and set a bag of French Fries down next to him. The “bum” never looked up or acknowledged the gift in anyway except to look at the fries and then push them away. Here I was thinking what a kind thing this person had done. I know often we feel we would rather feed the homeless than give them money for the “bottle”. Well, in this case I just felt sad that the gift was rejected.
m&m
January 9th, 2010 @ 7:33 pm

But if I start criticizing those who take a different approach, I become guilty of the same hasty and controlling judgment I might suspect of them.

I haven’t gotten the sense that there has been much, if any, criticizing going on here. I think it’s a complex issue that we are sorting through.

For the record, if anyone thought of my concerns about enabling as a criticism, then I’d only be criticizing myself, because I have given many times on the street. I AM trying to sort through the issues, though.

The tricky thing about this issue is that there’s a whole spectrum of right actions to take.

That really sums it up. I have appreciated people sharing their thoughts, because it helps me sort through my own.
marintha
January 10th, 2010 @ 10:01 pm

Jennie,
Love the title! I think about this a lot, especially with the rise in homelessness I see in my town. Thanks for the post.
Velska
January 11th, 2010 @ 2:49 pm

I have no idea why I guessed what the article was about, just from the title.

One point (I don’t have the heart to read all the comments; this is a sore point with me):

I am poor. But if you saw me, there would be no matted beard or wholes in my clothes. I usually by new clothes, when the old are worn out, and then only from sales.

I’m really grateful that I have a warm apartment; so I guess I’m not that poor — but I’ll also bet that some of those bums move more money around than me.

Point being, that real need is not visible. The people who are the worst off are not necessarily begging at streets. They may not have the strength to do that.

I read about someone’s concerns about “enabling,” and I wonder, who I am to judge if anyone is “deserving” or not? Did people not read what Benjamin said about that? He specifically warned us against thinking that “this man has earned his state (he’s undeserving, so I won’t help him).” Giving a dollar can sometimes be the worst thing to give to, say, an addict. They’d need food, and very often someone, who would take them as humans.

The other day I stopped to talk with this guy, who begs in the busy downtown area. I didn’t give him any money, because I had none. Really. And I talked with him about his family, about stuff. He was a good man, basically, until his wife kicked him out after he had had an accident. He’s destitute; what little he gets goes to the social services people, who provide him with whatever is obtainable with his money, including the meds he needs. Not much money is left over from his meds. So he’s flat broke. Sleeps in homeless shelters etc. Not a very uplifting environment…

In the end, he forgot to ask me for money, because I took him by surprise by talking to him as if he existed. Neil Gaiman wrote a good book about that, called Neverwhere. Very enjoyable. Or not, if you start thinking about the life of those people.

And there, but for the grace fo God (and my wife’s care), go I.
Velska
January 11th, 2010 @ 2:51 pm

… or holes in my clothes …

(Head Slap!)
m&m
January 12th, 2010 @ 2:43 am

Giving a dollar can sometimes be the worst thing to give to, say, an addict. They’d need food, and very often someone, who would take them as humans.

As someone who talked about ‘enabling’ THAT was the kind of point I was trying to make. I think it’s sometimes too easy to give a dollar and walk away, thinking that we ‘helped’ when in fact maybe we didn’t, when what the person might really need is really something different. I’m not talking about not helping because we think they are “not deserving,” (what human doesn’t deserve to have basic needs met?) I’m talking about what really can and will help the most. I’m not convinced it’s always money dropped in a can while rushing by, ya know?

I know for myself, I do that often because I feel better about that than doing nothing, but your example of talking to the person, treating the person like a person shows that maybe there are sometimes other things that can be done. (And sometimes things like that may be unwise or unsafe.)

I really think the Spirit is needed to discern — not to reject in a way that King Benjamin is counseling against, but I don’t think the gospel and his counsel demands that we don’t seek for wisdom in how best to help God’s children where we can.
Carina
January 25th, 2010 @ 1:10 am

I’ll give if I have cash, but I rarely do.

My ward has a sister who is a major supporter of the homeless/dire needs shelter. We all sign up to make casseroles which are then taken to the shelter and served. I like that, I’m giving my time and pantry.

One thing I like to do is to tip more than I need to. Hard working people sometimes could use a little extra, so does that extra few dollars really matter in the long run? Am I really going to miss it? No.