Today’s guest post comes courtesy of Allyson Condie. Allyson taught high school English in Utah and upstate New York. Currently, she is employed by her three little boys who assist her in her secondary career as a writer by taking occasional naps and drawing on manuscripts with red crayon. She is the author of young adult fiction for the national market (Freshman for President) and the LDS market (the Yearbook trilogy). In her spare time, she enjoys running, reading, traveling, and eating. Not cooking. There is a difference.
Back when I was an incurable daydreaming romantic, I wanted a lot of things out of love. Companionship, a soulmate, all of that. I also wanted a song.
You know: the song that you and your significant other choose and refer to forever after as “our song.” My grandmother and grandfather had selected the very lovely “Till the End of Time” as their song, and she once gave him a beautiful inlaid music box that played the melody as a gift. I stood there watching them listen to the music and vowed that someday that would be me.
I wanted something else, too: a book dedication. I swooned over Wallace Stegner’s to his wife Mary in the book Mormon Country: “For Mary, as all of them are.” To inspire that kind of love, to contribute that kind of support, to serve as that kind of muse: heavenly. (I don’t think it hurt that the picture of Wallace on the back of the book was very handsome and brooding.)
When my husband and I started dating, the 90s bubblegum pop era was in full swing. Every time you turned on the radio or went to a dance, that was all you heard. Neither of us were fans. My husband grew up in Seattle during the grunge era, and therefore was a fan of Nirvana and Pearl Jam. I grew up in Southern Utah in the we-don’t-have-a-major-radio-station-that-doesn’t-play-country-music so-you-like-what-your-parents-like era, and therefore was a fan of Bruce Springsteen.
Whenever I would request my husband’s opinion about what should be our song, he would tease me by telling me that he thought it was “I Want it That Way” by the Backstreet Boys. That song was everywhere. And he knew it drove me crazy, because it makes absolutely no sense at all (“You are my fire/my one desire/Believe when I say/I want it that way”). What?
I tried in vain to get him to go with “It’s A Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong, but he didn’t think that had enough to do with love. I tried to tell him that “The Promise” by Tracy Chapman would be a good one, since I’d played that song and thought of him while he was on his mission. “But I didn’t know that until I came home and you told me so,” he pointed out. Somehow, we ended up without a song.
At least, I thought, he might still dedicate a book to me. My beloved was an English major. He was very good at writing sonnets. Perhaps a book of poetry would bear an inscription to me. But then, before the ink was dry on our marriage license, he changed his major to economics.
I was 0 for 2 in the romantic dreams realization category. Of course, you know and I know that this doesn’t actually matter. Because the romance isn’t just about “our song” but about the songs you sing to your children and to each other in the dark of the night. It’s not about a dedication on the page of a book but about the dedication you show to one another as people, spouses, human beings who have committed to lift one another up.
One of my clearest memories of time spent with my husband is the time we ran 72 laps around the BYU track. We had been married for about two years and we were training for a marathon together. We needed to run 18 miles that day in order to be prepared for the race. We both had work, he had school, I had coaching, one thing led to another, and soon it was 9:00 p.m. and dark, and we still had not gone on our long run.
The only safe place to go was the track. We took our Gatorade and our watches and we jogged around the first lap. “One,” we said in unison as we crossed the line, and we started to laugh. “This is going to be a long night,” we agreed. Seventy-one laps to go.
We ran as the sky got darker and the stars all came out. We ran while they locked the gates. We ran as couples sneaked into the track and kissed in the bleachers. A couple brought a radio to the darkened infield and started to dance, and when we ran past, they screamed in surprise.
We were still running when they finished dancing.
Things may not always turn out as you picture them in those halcyon days of infatuation and courtship. They may turn out differently. Less perfect. Better.
I don’t have a book dedicated to me, but the dedication of a book I wrote reads like this:
For my husband
who has been my running mate in everything
from marathons to parenting,
and who has taught me that winning isn’t everything–
but that having a good companion is.
And every time we hear a snippet of “I Want It That Way” in the grocery store or on the radio, I start to laugh, because I know what is coming. “That’s our song,” he says, and I have to admit that it is.
-Please share with us your insights on marriage. What is different than you thought it would be? What has surprised you? What hasn’t?
-What trappings of romance–songs, book dedications, etc.–make you swoon? And, more importantly, what real-life incarnations of romance–taking out the trash, changing foul diapers, loving your post-baby body–make you even swoonier?
-And, of course, most importantly of all: What truly beautiful/ terrible songs will forever remind you of your dating and courtship?
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Tags: Allyson Condie, marathons, marriage, our song, The Backstreet Boys
What is different than I thought it would be is how gut wrenchingly difficult it is to have a good marriage, even when you love your spouse; happily ever after doesn’t happen in this life.
What surprises me is that my man stands by me (you know, the opposite of that old country song “Stand By Your Man”). The strength that comes from supporting and trusting each other year after year is a great force in my life that I never anticipated.
In the early days of our marriage we would listen to Jackson Browne and Alan Parsons Project as we went to sleep at night. Once we had our first baby she slept in our room so, no more music. Hearing “Eye in The Sky” or “Doctor My Eyes” reminds me of those days when I struggled with the line between ‘me’ and ‘us’.
[...] I had the chance to write a guest post for the Segullah Blog. I adore this blog and was so excited to have a chance to contribute. I meant to write something very cerebral and spiritual, and somehow I ended up writing about my husband and my marriage and also the Backstreet Boys. Not quite sure how that happened…anyway, you can find the post here. [...]
I LOVED this, Allyson.
Here’s my story about a truly beautiful/terrible song that, by default, has become “our” song:
I had always dreamed of having either a string quartet or a baroque recorder ensemble provide the music at my wedding reception. But when it came right down to it, I had neither the time nor the money to plan the reception I really wanted. My mom was thrilled to find a woman in Twin Falls who would do it all for a reasonable price—decorate, cater, arrange the flowers, make the cake, etc. When we met with this woman, I told her my music preferences and she said, “Don’t you worry about a thing, honey. I’ve got this great little sound system and I’ll take care of everything.” Well, you can imagine my horror as we were standing in the reception line, greeting the first of the guests, when suddenly the voice of Kenny Rogers came crooning out over the sound system: “You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille . . .”
KONK!
Sharlee, that’s pretty funny, you’ve got to admit! Pretty much nothing has gone as I’d planned except my husband still loves me and children were born. All the rest is a complete surprise. But it’s all a big fun adventure, right? I still love it.
And somehow, the “Can you feel the Love Tonight” song from Lion King ended up being our song. I don’t know how. It just sort of appeared in our lives and set up residence. It might have started out as a joke, too, but I can’t be completely certain. Anyway, it’s not Kenny Rogers, so…
We always joked about “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams, and the hit song from Robin Hood. My husband knew my disdain for the song, so he would try to whisper it in my ear.
My MIL was in charge of our reception near their home… I told her to do whatever she wanted. I didn’t imagine that she would have a couple come and sing, “Circle of My Love” from Saturday’s Warrior. Yeah, this was in 1997, so a tad outdated…
Guess I lucked out. Our song is “I’ll Stand By You” by the Pretenders.
We used to DJ for dances and weddings, and one of our employees started playing “Easy Come, Easy Go” at a wedding.
Great post Ally! I’ve always thought the phrase “I want it that way” offers an excellent foundation for a marriage of mutual respect and sacrifice
. I do love the image of the two of you running around that track all night long. Now *that* is romantic!
The spring my DH and I were engaged, he was living in SLC and I was in Provo, so we spent a lot of time driving back and forth in his *sweet* 1976 Plymouth Volare. It didn’t even have a tape deck (let alone a CD player–that was the height of luxury in the early 90s!), so we were at the mercy of the radio. The song “Hazard” by Richard Marx was on CONSTANTLY. (You know the romantic one about the murdered girlfriend? “I swear I left her by the river / I swear I left her safe and sound”?) So kind of like your Backstreet Boys tune, this one has kind of become “ours” by default. Do you think we’ll be dancing to it when we’re 80? (I’d like to just to see the looks on my grandkids’ faces!)
About seven or eight years ago I adopted Ben Folds’ “The Luckiest” as the song that reminds me most of my great guy . . . sometimes it would even make me a little teary eyed . . . but then I heard that the woman Ben Folds wrote it for was his 3rd wife, and that he recently left her to marry wife number 4, who’d been his yoga instructor. Sigh. Took some of the shine off it, but the song still warms my sentimental little heart. Until and unless my husband leaves ME for a yoga instructor, which seems unlikely since he’s not the yoga type, but you never know. If anything like that happens, you can look for his body down by the river in Hazard, Nebraska . . .
-Please share with us your insights on marriage.
Here’s my take: None of us end up getting what we “signed up for.” There are difficult changes and adjustments in any marriage. Hopefully those things strengthen our committment to each other and to our marriage. Also, something my branch president in Alaska said to me: “Sometimes the only purpose of marriage is just to learn to live with one single person for our lives. Heavenly Father doesn’t expect us to be able to learn to live with everyone. But he does expect us to commit to learn to live with and love one person in our lives.” (Or at least that was the gist of it, and frankly, rather depressing to hear as a single woman!) I am happy that we have already successfully weathered a couple of big storms in our 13 years of marriage and that we’ve come out happier and stronger and more committed.
Romance? We have 3 CDs that our “ours” — mixes that we’ve made for each other with songs that we find romantic. REAL romance: I always say, “I love a man with dishpan hands.” And I do. My dh does the dishes around here. He’s even taken to sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor. Now THAT’S true love!! Also, he always kisses me hello and goodbye each day, and the first thing he says when he comes home at night is, “What can I do to help?” And the last thing he says to me at night is, “Is there anything I can get you?” And he means it.
What truly beautiful/ terrible songs will forever remind you of your dating and courtship?
I have no songs that remind me of *this* relationship before we were married, but there are a couple of other songs that will “take me back” to past loves when I hear them.
Ally, this was delightful. I started dating my husband because I felt sorry for him (while I was teaching at the high school where you were an intern). He was recently divorced and kind of a computer nerd. He had never been to a single’s dance and I told him I’d go with him to a dance, sort of as a sisterly gesture of Christ-like charity. I was surprised when we had so much fun dancing. After we were married, we went on a cruise to Alaska and we’d dance in the disco for hours. Other women would come up to me and tell me they were sooooo jealous because my husband LOVED to dance with me and we were so fun to watch because we are crazy in love.
Our songs are all the dance music we love. Some of our favorite slow songs are “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” and “Lady in Red”…
Before I met my husband, I was tempted to give up on all those adolescent dreams of romance and eternal bliss because the older single’s scene can be scary. But the spirit told me that if I’d toss my net in the sea one more time, I’d be blessed with a celestial marriage that would be filled with joy, laughter, and love. When we got engaged I told my bishop that I was marrying a man who treated me like a beautiful celestial creature. Other people may still see a computer nerd, but I only see a super fun and spiritual Prince Charming.
We’ve been married for 13 years, and although when we were first dating we were incredibly mushy and hearts and flowers in love, now we both sort of break into giggles whenever the other one tries to be stereotypically, earnestly romantic. Not that we don’t love each other to pieces, we really do – but if he stared into my eyes and solemnly said “You look so beautiful tonight,” I would assume he was joking, that I had pizza sauce on my face or something. If he wanted to dance, I know I would just make smart-aleck remarks the entire time, because I would feel a little silly.
On the other hand, we enjoy each other’s company so much, we hug each other at least ten times a day, we tell each other we love each other all of the time, and we take care of each other – whether that means taking the kids away so that the other can get a break, taking over a chore the other one usually handles, letting the other one sleep in or take a nap – we look out for each other. To me – that’s love.
I knew marriage was work and that it could also be fun, but I didn’t know you’d have to work to make it fun.
Remember the song from a couple years back “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter? If not, you should. It was on the radio at least twice every hour. My husband hated that song because they used it for his capstone project and so he heard it over and over all day for weeks, plus on the radio. It reminds him of 5 days without sleep and being stressed. So, when we were dating he would change the station every time it came on, then the cycle discontinued and other songs were played more frequently. Then once we were engaged it was seriously on Every Single Time he started the car to go somewhere. It would annoy him to no end. But now whenever we hear it we laugh out of both annoyance and good memories.
I feel like I am in such good company with all these other women who have terrible songs as their song!
jendoop, I love that you and your husband used to fall asleep to music together at night. That is lovely. I also appreciate what you said about trusting each other year after year.
Sharlee, now THAT is a fantastic story. I wonder what on earth your mother-in-law was thinking! I think you should hire a string quartet to play that song at your 50th wedding anniversary.
Justine, I love your line about how “pretty much nothing has gone as I’d planned except my husband still loves me and children were born.” I think a lot of us can relate to that statement.
Andi, you know what is sad? There was a time when I would have thought that Bryan Adams song was PERFECT for a wedding song. Love the Saturday’s Warrior story, too…
Lindsay, I love that song by the Pretenders! It restores my faith in humanity to hear that at least SOMEONE out there has a good song as their song.
Angela. I have not thought of the song Hazard in years and now I can’t get it out of my mind. That is hilarious. I’m sorry about your Ben Folds Five disillusionment. I love Neil Diamond and I was so depressed when he divorced his wife after years and years of marriage. Darn Neil. Why did he have to turn off his “Heartlight”?
Strollerblader, I love what your branch president said, and I also love what you said about real romance. Amen.
Kathryn! One of my favorite people ever! Remember last summer when I accosted you in Target? I can’t think of anyone more deserving of a Prince Charming than you. He sounds wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
Sue, I agree with you. Naps are better than flowers. I love what you said about love and how it’s looking out for one another. It’s a good, safe, empowering feeling to know that someone is doing that.
The Celine Dion song from ‘Titanic’. Ugh.
And “As Long As You Love Me” by Backstreet Boys. Ugh.
And that Faith Hill/Tim McGraw duet – “Let’s Make Love” but only because my husband’s best friend got married 6 mos. before we did and that was “their” song and they would sing it all the time and try to harmonize and they weren’t good. Can’t-get-it-out-of-my-head-Ugh.
Cheesy as it is (I was 20, so cut me some slack) we sang At the Beginning from the kids movie Anastasia at our luncheon. I think that really is our song. And its funny, when I hear it now after almost 11 years and five kids, and finishing our undergrad degrees, and his law school years, and lots of moves, I STILL often feel like we are at the beginning.
My husband has an amazing voice (got him a date despite the big block on my CA shoulder against his upbringing in UT), and I love to sing. So honestly singing together was very special to us (and our parents, of course
.
I’ll have to think a little more before I comment on my marriage insights.
We have two unofficial songs as well! The first is Dido’s Best Day Of My Life song, which is actually romantic and fitting. It was super popular when James and I started dating. I was at work one day, unable to concentrate because I knew I had a date with James that night and I was hoping he would kiss me for the first time (he did)! I couldn’t stop singing Dido’s sound all day as I bounced around work so excited and expectant! The minute James picked me up for our date and I entered his car, he turned on his radio and Dido’s song started playing. I laughed to myself and he asked me what was funny. I told him how I had been singing the song all day long…excited about our date. After that moment it sort of became our song.
Our other song is anything but romantic. It is certainly not Chicago’s You’re The Inspiration which is the song I hoped would be my wedding song all growing up. Instead somehow the Barenaked Ladies song One Week made it on our wedding video and became “our” song in so many ways. It is funny because the song is all about breaking up and refusing to say sorry. Fortunately we don’t have either of those two problems in our marriage…thank goodness! But I still laugh and giggle whenever I hear the Barenaked Ladies song. It is a favorite of ours to this day. It reminds me of being engaged and cranking over the car stereo!
Our song is “If We Hold on Together” from The Land Before time. My husband sang it at our reception – I think it was because it was the only non-church song he knew in English. I wasn’t all that thrilled about the song back then, but it was as good as any, right? But, he sang it again to me as a Christmas present just before he finished his dissertation. I was about to have our third baby. We had no idea what the future would bring. We were broke and had no job prospects, living in low income housing, had no car, and, I’ll tell you, that song was just right.
What surprised me about being married? A lot. I was surprised at how wonderful it is and at how mad I can get at a guy who is, generally speaking, really wonderful.
Our song is Billy Joel’s “She’s Got a Way” – but we didn’t play it at our reception or anything, it was kind of chosen later.
I know this probably sounds weird but I didn’t really have a lot of expectations of what marriage would be like for me, except to be clear about what I didn’t want it to be. (Abusive and unhappy) I had spent several years pining after someone whom I didn’t end up marrying. So I guess all my expectations went south when I realized I didn’t want to marry him-the one I pined for. I’m not sorry one bit. In fact, the years continue to prove to me that my choice was the best one. We don’t have a special song, but that’s okay.
I find my biggest surprises and disappointments are with myself and my own weaknesses which create difficulties in our marriage.
I wrote my husband “our” song and sang it to him at our reception in front of everyone while he sat on the edge of the piano bench and balled (I thought I was being so romantic, but now I probably would do it in private). It’s called “Loving You”.
A year or so later at the end of a hard day, a long hug in the kitchen turned into dancing and I sang “Groovy Kind of Love” (Phil Collins version) to him, so that’s one of ours, too. I also made him a CD of favorite songs including “Popsicles, Icicles” by the Mermaids in 1963.
I was a starry-eyed, day-dreamy, Ann of Green Gables addict waiting for her Gilbert. I swooned over Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson and Sara Teasdale. Marriage and parenthood has shifted me over to Dorothy Parker. It’s not so much that I don’t believe in romance anymore, it’s just that romance has changed it’s form. It’s not about getting stuff anymore, but getting and giving help (and sleep)at our most inconvenient and grouchy moments.
Our song is “At Last.” Except my husband doesn’t know it’s our song, because he doesn’t think we need a song, and also because we have such wildly different musical tastes that we could never agree on a song. But that’s the song I think of when I think of him.
Several years before I met my husband, I was engaged to a man who made me an amazing mix tape of love songs. It was a gift I’d always wanted to receive, but the relationship itself was fraught with pain and disfunction and ultimately (thankfully) it ended. The tragedy is that now all those fantastic love songs are a bit tainted for me, but I take comfort in the fact that my husband wouldn’t like them anyway, and ultimate comfort in the fact that I really like my husband. He may not make me mix tapes, but he makes me very happy.
Tay, that song really was everywhere. I remember getting really annoyed when it would come on again…”A Bad Day? AGAIN?”
Collette…I have those friends too…they are probably not the same ones but I definitely have them. Awesome.
Kristin, I wish I could sing with my husband. He has an amazing voice and is great on the guitar. I, however, have a terrible voice and am even worse at reading music. Darn it! I think that is such a great thing to be able to share with your spouse. Maybe I should ask for voice lessons for my 10th anniversary or something.
Lib, you must have had a premonition that James was going to be The One. And those are great songs to have as “yours”!
edawn: This line–”I was surprised at how wonderful it is and at how mad I can get at a guy who is, generally speaking, really wonderful”–especially hit home. That’s so true in our house too.
HeidiAnn: What is it about Billy Joel? He is just so swoony. I love that song too.
Tiffany: Thank you for your response, and especially for this: “I find my biggest surprises and disappointments are with myself and my own weaknesses which create difficulties in our marriage.” You said succinctly and perfectly how I often feel about my surprises and disappointments in my marriage. I think that’s one of the hardest and most important parts–realizing what you do that must be changed or that needs to be worked on now that it affects your spouse, your children, etc.
Merry Michelle: Yes! Sleep and help are so much better than “stuff.” And I like that you said “getting and giving help.” Reciprocity is what it’s all about. And sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that because I want all the naps and help.
Emmie: Now I am picturing the Obamas dancing at the Inauguration Ball. (Where can we find the LDS-approved version of Michelle’s dress, by the way? I’m just asking.) That is a fantastic song and, of course, I completely agree with your point that happiness is more important than mix tapes any day!
We have three songs:
1. Crystal Blue Persuasion
2. Grazing in the Grass
3. Love Can Make You Happy
What can I say? It was the late 60’s/early 70’s.
Lately, our favorite song is “It’s All Around You” by Darden Smith. (A very beautiful and romantic song…Check it out on iTunes.)
Not being a writer, he will never dedicate a book to me (as I have to him), but he has written me some beautiful notes in our life together. In the most recent and probably my favorite of these notes, he wrote my name in the middle of a piece of paper, then wrote his name and all of my children’s and grandchildren’s names in a circle around my own. Underneath, he put “It’s All Around You.” (Our latest favorite song…The lyric being “It’s [meaning love] all around you; above and below you; everywhere you go…and it’s all around you…never, ever doubt it, for you’ll never be without my love.”)
Made me cry.
And I will keep it forever.
=)
The movie Moulin Rouge came out while we were engaged and we saw it several times. I know it’s not everyone’s taste, but we love Baz Luhrmann and his sense of humor, so all the songs from it have kind of become ‘our songs’, particularly the main one “Come What May”. It does seem like a silly movie to have as ‘our’ movie since she’s a prostitute who dies of tuberculosis, but my husband is a ‘penniless writer’ so it sort of fits. He hasn’t published any of his novels yet, but he did dedicate his thesis to me (and it was a novel) so I guess it counts
Isn’t “A Bad Day” the song they used to say “bu-bye” to those eliminated on American Idol a couple of years ago?
I still like it, but gotta believe the American Idol people hate it!
Too bad!
oh, FoxyJ, I love love love that song, too. I think I like that movie so much because of the music.
Such a fun post. I’m a romantic that way too.
We definitely had a dating soundtrack. Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill, Sting’s Fields of Gold and Tracy Chapman were on a lot.
So…
Head Over Feet by Alanis Morrissette.
The Promise by Tracy Chapman (because we were apart for eight whole weeks during Summer Term – Gasp!
We didn’t have a dance at our reception but my parents did sing Sunrise/Sunset from Fiddler on the Roof and my sister sang, by my choice, When I Fall In Love.
It could be worse.
I’m an ignoramus of popular music, but that didn’t stop me from making fun of my husband’s music collection when we met containing a lot of Yanni and Enya and Clannad — nor from being annoyed when I was signing up for a music club and was about to check the music preference box for something like “Folk Rock” when he practically grabbed the pen from my hand saying, “Put ‘Light Sounds!’” (I do understand that ‘Light Sounds” makes good background noise for studying engineering, but it doesn’t do much for me.) But I wanted us to have a song, so I picked one for us — the Beatles’ “I Will,” which is kind of a weird choice insofar as it has a line that says “Though I wait a lonely lifetime,” but I chose it because some friends of mine performed a nice bluegrass version of it at a gathering when Dean and I were dating, and when I was starting to think he might be my future husband. (And it also says nice things like “Love you forever and forever.” I’m not sure if he remembers that it’s “our song” — I know there have been at least a couple times he’s asked me, “What our song, again?”
Another song I associate with my marriage is “How Could I Ever Know?” from the musical “The Secret Garden” (I just chose that performance randomly from the offerings at YouTube) which expresses exactly how I would feel about not getting to grow old together, and which I want sung at my funeral if I die before he does. We saw that show together when we were dating, and I love the song anyway.
And if I had to pick a song right now, I think it would be the Mario Kart Love Song. I’m not even kidding — I love this song. And I don’t even play Mario Kart — but I’ve watched plenty of it. And this one would be my second choice. I guess quirkiness and humor are a big part of what I enjoy in my marriage, and these songs reflect that well.
I went into marriage with a healthy understanding of marriage, a large part to the credit of all my marriage classes as a family life education major. I expected marriage to be a lot of work, and it has. Overall, it has been good. One of the things that helps us stay close together the most is continued courtship. Our marriage goes a lot smoother when we make it a priority to date each other. We don’t have the budget to hire a baby sitter each week, but we have made it so that we can hire one and get a real night out at least once a month.
As for songs, we have two: “Unchained Melody” by Ghost, which we danced to at our wedding reception, and “Amazed” by Lonestar, which we danced to at home on our 5th wedding anniversary.
Great post. Thanks! I want to read all the comments, but have to start my day soon!
Marriage insights: commitment and trying to live the gospel of forgiveness and repentance has made my marriage what I had once thought it would not be. We’ve been married 18 years. I’m blessed with a very kind husband (he is downstairs making me my birthday breakfast!). I feel very blessed to have the church to teach us about how to love each other eternally–or how that should be our goal and to know that it is work, but worth it.
Lately we have grown closer and closer and watching kids grow is part of the impetus for that closeness. What a wonderful world!
Our song: He learned to play Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills and Nash on the guitar because he knew I liked the song. That’s when I first knew he liked me. We also both heard the lyrics our own way: instead of Lookin’ for that woman/girl,
Who knows love can endure.
And you know it will.
And you know it will
We both heard “Mormon” girl. It is pretty romantic, huh? So, I consider that our song. But, we are a bit like the one commenter (sorry don’t know the name) that mostly jokes about being romantic! He likes to tease me and say (in his best white trash voice), “Come on, baby.”
Life is good!
[...] the Segullah Blog, guest poster Allyson Condie asked if readers and their spouses had a specific song they considered “their song.” (She asked some other more profound questions, too, but I ignored those.) I said the following, [...]
Sue: That is a wonderful note. I love the image of everyone in a circle with you as the center point.
FoxyJ: I think a thesis definitely counts! All that work is worth five books. Hey, now that I’m thinking about it, why didn’t my husband dedicate his to me?
Faith.Not.Fear: Embarrassingly, I’ve never seen American Idol (I know! Shame on me!) so I’m not sure…maybe someone else remembers if they used that song?
Lucy: Your parents sang Sunrise, Sunset at your wedding reception? That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard. Now that I have kids, I cry whenever I hear that song.
Zina: What a fun, eclectic mix of songs. I am going to have to find the music for MarioKart now.
Rebecca: I really liked what you had to say about going on a date once a month because it’s not in the budget to go out every week. I think I tend to throw my hands in the air and give up on going out and really I should try harder to make it happen. We do have a lot of nights of sitting on the porch reading together, which is nice, but there is also something about getting ready and going out that makes things feel more special. Good for you guys for making it happen.
Sage: Happy birthday! I appreciate your insight that watching kids grow has brought closeness to your marriage. Mine are all tiny and sometimes it feels like they are pulling it apart.
It’s nice to know that that relationship–between husband and wife–is enhanced by the parent-child relationship too.
My brother and his girlfriend’s song was “It’s All Coming Back TO Me Now” by Celine Dion. Needless to say, they broke up.
We started dating a right before Christmas. My birthday is in early January and of course then comes Valentine’s day in February. It was sort of a triple slam for a new relationship (gifts and expectations) and I think by february my then boyfriend (now husband) was not sure what else to do…so for Valentines day he asked me if I wanted to go out with his parents to dinner? The 4 of us. I thought it was really sweet that he liked his parents enough to want to spend Valentine’s day with them but of course part of me was bummed that it was going to be less romantic and not just the two of us. However, after dinner we went back to his place where he whipped out a guitar. Now here’s the thing, he wasn’t and isn’t the best guitar player/singer so I knew he was reaching out of his comfort zone a little. But he wrote me this song that really knocked my socks off. It was cute, special, sweet and he wrote it about ME! I was hooked. I’m not sure it’s officially ‘our’ song, but one thing that is very ‘us’ is making up songs for everything. EVERYTHING. We make up and sing stupid little songs as we drive, as we do dishes, and we even take our daughter’s favorite nursery songs and make them unique and silly (an R&B version of 5 little ducks for example).
I think there is a lot about marriage that has surprised me and some not-so-much. One of the biggest surprises is that I really don’t care that someone else sees me naked all the time. When I was single I really used to wonder about that.
FoxyJ’s comment about her husband dedicating his thesis to her reminded me that my husband dedicated his doctoral dissertation to me. While it was about obscure physics topics that I didn’t understand, it meant a lot to me that he considered me a huge part of his process to get his PhD.
Ally, I’m not sure you noticed that the songs I listed have clickable links — click on “Mario Kart Love Song” (which is not by Nintendo) and it will take you to a YouTube video of a guy who taped a yarn mustache on to look like Luigi, singing the song he composed.
We Close our Eyes, by Oingo Boingo.
It makes me full up with joyful brimming emotions. There are a couple of others that are like that but that one does it every time. He will scoop me into his arms and spin me around defying his more reserved nature. He will sing to me and hold me close.
The most surprising thing? It feels just like the song. We close our eyes and not just a year had come and gone but now years upon years. That is what is most surprising. I still feel like that teenage girl somehow suddenly grown up pretending adulthood with my sweetheart.
Lindsay: I remember that song too. I’ve never been certain what, exactly, she was singing about.
Miggy: How sweet! I think a song that your husband writes for you is the very best definition of “your song.”
Tiffany: Not many women can say that they have a physics dissertation dedicated to them. I think that’s wonderful that your husband chose to acknowledge your support in such a meaningful way. I was giving my husband a hard time about not dedication his thesis to me, but then he pointed out that I am mentioned in the acknowledgments. Hmm. Does that count?
Zina: I hadn’t noticed that you posted links! Thanks for pointing that out. I was responding to the comments through my e-mail and for some reason the links weren’t showing up there. Off to listen to the Mario Kart Love Song…
Dovie: I love what you said about feeling like the teenager pretending adulthood. I think that’s partly why I like to write young adult fiction. I definitely relate to that feeling of being sixteen and in love and it’s not hard at all to feel sixteen again. For some reason, my real age (31) seems like the wrong one.
Zina: We just listened to it. What a great song. My little boys adored it too (even though they’ve never played Mario Kart). I love the opening line about the princess and the toad.
Zina, thanks for posting that link to “Kiss at the End of the Rainbow.” We’re huge Christopher Guest fans. I’m going to send this link to my husband next Valentine’s Day!
Ally: Thanks for the birthday wish! It was lovely. Yes, raising children gets easier and harder as they get older. My oldest will be 16 this month. My fifth is due any day now! And I’m 42!
Though we’ve been through some hard times, sticking together has brought great happiness.
I also try hard not to get mad about the little things and to express myself kindly and clearly when something is really bothering me.
Ally, you are great! You mean to tell me that you and Scott don’t have a Neil Diamond song? I remember when he told me that Neil was your guys favorite, I laughed and then found out…he really wasn’t joking!