Today’s Up Close post comes from Catherine Keddington Arveseth, a full-time mom, part-time writer. She has a degree in exercise science and a minor in English from the University of Utah. She and her family recently moved from Washington DC to Salt Lake City. Catherine reviews books for Meridian Magazine–we especially love her review of The Mother in Me!
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” I scrawled this quote by poet Mary Oliver onto my kitchen blackboard three months ago. For weeks it has eyed me from the blackness, glowing underneath my three-year-old daughter’s cursive hieroglyphs.
“I thought you’d like this” a dear friend said, as she placed the brochure with Oliver’s words on my kitchen counter. I did. What chilling words for mortality. Wild and Precious. So carpe diem.
I thought of the horse ranch I covet, the unfinished graduate degree, the hope of publishing a book of poetry, doing meaningful humanitarian work, or visiting Prague, Istanbul, and Kathmandu. I laughed at my shelved dreams as we made ham and cheese sandwiches for our children, picked goldfish smithereens off the floor, and tried to manage the mayhem of five hungry toddlers beckoning for food like carp.
A few months ago I deludedly thought access to some of my carpe diem aspirations might be resurfacing. At the very least, I was thinking about it. Instead, we were lent an unexpected twist of fortune. At 15 weeks gestation, I learned I was carrying my second set of twins.
Now 31 weeks along, the anticipated birth of our twin boys will make me an overwhelmed and overjoyed mother of five children ages four and under (so long as our “new” twins arrive after our oldest daughter’s fourth birthday end of May).
Childless for many years, my husband and I knew well the emptiness and heartache of infertility. Eventually, we were surprised by a successful IVF try. And then another. The heavens were cracking opened and I felt like the woman in Psalms. “He maketh the barren woman…to be a joyful mother of children” (Psalms 113:9).
Amid all the longed-for joy, however, I wasn’t sure I was ready for another. That first year with our twin girls was blinding, exhausting. Our oldest was 19 months when they were born. A year and a half later I was barely crawling out of the mole-hole. Yet every time I entertained the idea of one more try, I felt that tiny nudge to move ahead. You know – that very small measure of light that makes you almost convinced but not completely sure you are doing the right thing.
After serious complications with the birth of our twin daughters, approaching IVF another time raised some eyebrows. Our doctors’ recommendations were unanimous. If we were sure we wanted to try again, they would do a single embryo transfer. Only one this time. And I was happy to comply. We chose to squeeze in a final IVF attempt just before moving across country, as success rates in Washington DC (where we were currently living) were higher.
Three months after positive pregnancy tests and an ultrasound, convinced we had one little baby growing inside, I drove to the doctor’s office for more imaging to assess some bleeding. I sat in the waiting room, swinging my foot in circles, clutching my purse – too worried to even pretend-read the book on my lap. Finally, the ultrasound technician called me back.
Supine and holding deathly still, I watched as she examined my uterus. Anxious to see some movement, any movement – to know my baby was alright, I saw this.
A dark womb with two circles in it. I stopped breathing.
“That looks like two heads” I thought to myself. “But there’s no way it could be two heads – we only put in one embryo!” The tech stopped talking and held the ultrasound wand still. Silence.
She finally spoke. “Ummm….there are two babies in there. Were you aware of that?”
WAS I AWARE OF THAT? “NO!” I nearly yelled. “There can’t be! There is no possible way!”
She moved the wand around to reveal two healthy little babies with their heads together. “Oh, there’s two in there” she said as a fact. “That one embryo split. They share the same placenta but are in different sacs. You are having identical twins. And…I think your doctor will want to know about this. Can you wait a few minutes?”
Sure I could wait. I began to fidget, my body turned cold, my legs started to quiver and I couldn’t think straight. I had to call my husband. Where was he right now? At a client lunch. Too bad. I speed-dialed his cell. Please pick up…
He answered. “I’m at a client lunch and it’s really loud. Can I call you back?”
“Nope. Nope you can’t!” I answered. “Step away from the table.”
He returned. “What’s wrong?”
I blurted our our life-altering news. “WE’RE HAVING IDENTICAL TWINS!” Silence. More silence. Was he still there?
“What did you just say?” he queried with disbelief.
I repeated. “WE’RE HAVING IDENTICAL TWINS!” I laughed (or else I was going to cry).
“No way. There’s no way. Really?” he asked.
“Way. I saw them! They’re in there! That one embryo divided!”
And to his credit, his next statement was, “That is AWESOME!”
I oozed into a chair. “Really? You think that’s awesome? You think we can do it again?”
“Of course we can!” he said. “That is amazing. That’s a miracle!”
We then discussed the miniscule chance of it happening (1% according to stats), the comedy of five car seats,a bigger car (maybe a bus?), four cribs and four in diapers, all the while our joint faith expanding into a knowledge that if God thought we could get two more safely here (and beyond) – then, by all means, we would! Soothed by divinity, we marveled together at the wonder of it all. Two more babies…
Reactions have been varied – usually humorous. Like the waitress who thought I was so lucky she wanted me to come to Vegas with her, or the friend who decided we needed a diaper-sucker-upper in every room (inspired by the drive-up teller windows at banks where they suction your deposit up into that cylinder see-through pipe). Creative yes? And tempting, with four little bottoms to change. The attic man, however, told me I was a glutton for punishment. “Wasn’t really in the plan” I say. (At least not my plan.)
So what about plans? Waylaid, redirected, morphed, they often return to us in pieces or new opportunities. Motherhood doesn’t always come when and how we would choose it. What we can choose is to embrace the unpredictable and when the hard part is over we realize how lucky we really are.
Tonight I corral my three girls onto the couch to read Knuffle Bunny “one more time.” They bounce and spring off the cushions like monkeys, giggling and crashing into one another, finally settling around me, elbows a-poke in my ripening belly. I notice two nubs of separate limbs swipe simultaneously across my burgeoning middle and my soul swells, overcome with thanks.
As for five little ones ages four and under? It’s my new plan. What could be more wild? What could be more precious?
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Tags: Arveseth, childbirth, identical, motherhood, pregnancy, twins
Congratulations and an awed “well done!”.
I find amazing wildness and preciousness in what Heavenly Father has in His plan for me. I’ve only seen glimpses, and I don’t know the details, but I’m firmly strapped in for the ride.
Thanks for sharing a glimpse into yours thus far!
This reminds me of my sister, who tried to get pregnant for years, had an IVF (still nothing), and adopted. Three months later she’s pregnant. A year later she becomes pregnant again with twins, and had to have them delivered at 23 weeks (they are healthy and growing). So as of today she is the proud parent of four kids under the age of two!
Congratulations!!! I am currently 32 weeks with our twins (our first pregnancy) — is it okay that I read your entry out loud to my husband to make him feel better about our current predicament, which he is still trying to get used to? (His reponse: “Well, that could be us next time!”)
No doubt you will be able to do it and be fantastic at it — but here’s a prayer coming to you from England as I know it won’t be easy!
I’m sorry, I meant 4 kids under the age of three!
Selwyn – I agree – the Lord’s individual plan for of us is a wild and precious ride. Sometimes we have to just strap in and hold on. In retrospect, isn’t it amazing to see how He has been at work in the details, all the time?
Camille – 4 under 3 would be just as daunting! Tell your sister congratulations. So glad her twins are healthy and thriving, especially after coming so early. We decided the fast and furious path for having a family (although never what we had anticipated) will be exciting and intense, and we hope our children will be close friends. Best wishes to your sister!
Melissa – Congratulations on your twins!! Prayers coming your way as well! Our first set were born at 32 weeks (5 weeks in the NICU) and are just fine. Keep those babies in there as long as you can! And you can do the twin thing! A few months after they’re born you’ll wonder how you survived -but it really is double the joy, double the laughs, and not quite double the work! Delighted you read the post to your husband. I’ve loved swapping twin stories with other parents. There is great support out there as we share.
What a wild and precious life you’re living right now! And what a beautifully written post. Thank you for sharing.
Just wanted to say I loved this post. The Mary Oliver quote is going to be my new matra. Congratulations on your twins! Life is sure to have much excitement in store for you!
This is beautiful. I love the quote. Your writing moved me to happy tears. Congratulations.
Beautiful.
(And now I have to go reapply my mascara.)
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. It took us two years to have #1 and we’ve been trying for #2 for over two years now. I hope we are blessed as much as your family has been!
What a lovely post! Thank you for sharing your amazing story with us. I love the Mary Oliver quote, as well; our lives are wild and precious, indeed.
Amen! Motherhood is the most wild and precious ride! Congratulations! I had six children in 13 years, so not quite as wild as your ride, and now I also have five grandchildren. And while I still think of other paths, like finishing my degree, I know there’s nothing I’d rather be at the end of the day than a mother and grandmother.
your husband’s response made me laugh out loud and brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you to be such a great team in this magical journey called parenting.
i don’t even know you, but your thoughts and attitude made my heart sing today. thank you!
♥
Thank you for such a lovely post – a pleasure to read. And that quote you began with is just remarkable. I wish you many wild and precious moments with your children!
What a wonder and tremendous blessing!! You really ARE lucky! How could it be considered otherwise? When Father pronounces blessings upon those he loves in the Bible, it’s almost always progeny!!! ^_^
CONGRATULATIONS! I hope you will have an amazing Ward Family and LOTS of loving “adoptive” Gramas for your wonderFUL family.
What sweet comments. Thanks for all the encouragement! Janet – you mentioned “other paths” – dreams alongside motherhood. Your comment reminded me of something Maria Cole said in her book, Contentment. I found her words about life plans and choices very liberating. Wanted to share.
“As women we have dreams,both large and small, for our lives. Yet some of these aspirations may remain latent for a little while because the Lord’s timetable and plan for our lives is often different from our own imaginings. As we see our lives and callings as mothers through the lens of the gospel…we will be richly blessed for making motherhood our highest priority during certain ‘seasons’ of our lives. While we cannot do it all at the same time, we can do it all eventually. If our desires are righteous and we strive to achieve our goals with all our hearts, might , mind and strength, God will help us fulfill these righteous desires – in due time” (24).
Isn’t that great optimism?
wild and precious indeed! i’ve sometimes had the experience, too, where i start to look abroad for meaning, wildness, adventure in life, but heavenly father directs me back to my very own family. good luck and congratulations!
I echo Blue: this was inspiring!
I’ve loved that Mary Oliver quote, too, and it means different things to me at different times: sometimes it means getting out of my comfort zone, sometimes it means finding wildness and preciousness with what I’m doing now. Thanks for putting it so eloquently.
Thanks for helping me to remember that even in the thick of mothering, there is still time to dream a little dream (even it if must be shelved for a time). Also, Prague is beautiful but highly overrated:) You are a wonderful thought writer and I enjoy reading your posts. Cristine
This was a delicious read. It was honest, graceful and overflowing with joy. Five children under four–WOW. You quiver is indeed full of miracles.
I loved your Maria Cole quote (pardon my ignorance, but who is she? Former RS Pres. or something? I’d love to read that book). I think too many of us feel that we have to “have it all” and all at the same time, too. I think God’s a lot more organized than that. Great work!
I love your insight Annie – that the Oliver quote can take on different meaning at different times in our lives. That is good for me to remember. Thank you.
And Cristine – you would know about Prague wouldn’t you? Maybe I should put Geneva, Florence, or maybe Majorca at the top of my list. Any recommendations?? Thanks for reading Cris! So fun to see your comment.
Merry Michelle – Maria Covey Cole is a talented mother of seven (daughter of Stephen and Sandra Covey). Contentment was her first book. She discusses something I believe we all want to attain as mothers but aren’t sure how to find it in the day to day grind. I thought her book was rich with strong thought and perspective. I recommended it highly in a review on Meridian Magazine. You can find it archived @ ldsmag.com under “books.”
My six are my life’s miracle. Not physically hard to get here, but they are here all of them. I guess that is the miracle all together with me the mom. I need remember that this ride is supposed to be wild… and precious.
Delicious, beautiful, inspiring. I laughed, too. What a story. And I love the “wild and precious” concept.
It brings back a few of the feelings when I found out I was pregnant with #3…three born in three years was not my plan. But oh, how grateful I was for Father’s plan for me. I haven’t been able to have more and I treasure my little ones (now getting bigger). And having them this close has ended up bringing so much joy for all of us.
BTW, I have admired your writing on Meridian. Great to have you here at Segullah, too!
Wow and congratulations! Reading this brought me to tears. I love your husband’s response. I love your faith. I wish you all the best!
It’s probably because I’m pregnant that I cried through this beautifully written post, but also because it touches so eloquently on how our plans for life don’t usually happen the way we intend them to. I feel like it’s important for us to make plans. It demonstrates to the Lord our desires, our faith, our understanding of what we think we need in this wild and precious life. And then the Lord, in his infinite and superior wisdom, gives us what we truly need in this life.
Eight months ago I prayed so fervently in the temple to be a better mother to my 15, 12, 8 and 2 yr. olds. The answer, to my 41 year body, was to conceive a fifth child. Wild and precious! Now she’s just a few weeks from arriving and I still feel surprised by the Lord’s plan for me!
Thanks for sharing your experiences with such insight.
Cath – BEAUTIFUL post. I love your insights and completely agree that life is one wild ride. With so many ups and downs lately your faith is an inspiration to me. I miss our talks on Sundays and hope you and the girls (and Doug) (oh yes, AND the baby boys) are doing well. sending you much love…
That was wonderful. Thank you, thank you for sharing.
Congratulations!
Congratulations. I loved this post and the quote. Twins are one of the few things I have always wanted in life and never got, not something you can really put on your to do list. My granmother had 2 sets of twins 13 months apart. Hard work but wonderful blessings.
congratulations– oh the unexpected twists and turns- as one who also experienced bumps along the way to motherhood and much doctor intervention it’s kind of crazy how our plans and ideas change. Trying to figure out what we are supposed to be doing and when and how it’s part of the biggest test for me. But for the record- do make it to Istanbul it’s lovely!
Congrats to you!! I LOVE this post, as I can relate very well. After 1 child and years of infertility and then a successful round of IVF, we had twin girls 3 years ago. We are now expecting our second set of twins in a few weeks, and I am extremely grateful for my “wild and precious life”.
bless you Catherine. You brought me to tears. And I live right in Salt Lake if you need someone to help you hold all those sweet babies.
Cath, I love your writing. You are truly so inspiring. Whenever I need a pick me up or a reminder of the gift of motherhood I think about your wonderful example of patience and love. You are such a wonderful Mother and friend. I am blessed by your friendship. Lots of love from DC!!