Comments on: Built like Grandma… http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:08:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jennifer B. http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8710 Jennifer B. Sun, 06 May 2007 05:21:06 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8710 Wonderful Melonie. Thank you for sharing this beautifully intimate story. Wonderful Melonie. Thank you for sharing this beautifully intimate story.

]]> By: Barb http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8666 Barb Sat, 05 May 2007 02:44:55 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8666 Melonie, thank you so much. I think that we can forge bonds for the eternities as we sacrifice for one another here. This is a unique Estate of our three Estates and this life has its greatest purposes when we minister to those who our own family. It know that I said a lot. Reading your post really was a springboard for so many emotions that I do often hold near and dear to my heart. Melonie, thank you so much. I think that we can forge bonds for the eternities as we sacrifice for one another here. This is a unique Estate of our three Estates and this life has its greatest purposes when we minister to those who our own family. It know that I said a lot. Reading your post really was a springboard for so many emotions that I do often hold near and dear to my heart.

]]> By: Melonie http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8643 Melonie Fri, 04 May 2007 16:36:14 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8643 Barb, Thanks for your post. Its obvious that your family is very close and care so much for one another. Aren't we blessed to have such wonderful women in our lives? I pray that you will be able to get over your paralyzing emotions and become the kind of woman that is able to care for your Mom and Dad as much as you have been cared for in your life. Thank you, again, for sharing. Barb,
Thanks for your post. Its obvious that your family is very close and care so much for one another. Aren’t we blessed to have such wonderful women in our lives?
I pray that you will be able to get over your paralyzing emotions and become the kind of woman that is able to care for your Mom and Dad as much as you have been cared for in your life. Thank you, again, for sharing.

]]> By: Barb http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8602 Barb Fri, 04 May 2007 00:15:12 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8602 insert thought. I dont' think I said what my mom thinks of in regards to her mom. When she thinks of her mom, she does not think of what she looked like. She thinks of how it felt around to be around her mom and be in the presence of such kindness and gentleness. insert thought. I dont’ think I said what my mom thinks of in regards to her mom. When she thinks of her mom, she does not think of what she looked like. She thinks of how it felt around to be around her mom and be in the presence of such kindness and gentleness.

]]> By: Barb http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8600 Barb Fri, 04 May 2007 00:00:26 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8600 How very intimate! I am built so much like my mom and like to match my hand up to hers. A few months ago, her wrists were swollen and her hands and joints were starting to look all mangled and swollen. This brought me back to when I was an eigth grader and would sit her mom that was a shut in while my grandpa went out for the afternoon. Grandma always made me feel so confident. I knew which pills needed to be taken at what time and what required milk and crackers to coat the stomach. When I helped lift her from her chair through the years, she would always comment how strong I was. When Grandma was more able, baby sat for wealthy people. She was known for really paying attention to the children. Sitting in bed with her in what I did not know was her final months, she would share about her childhood and how proud her mom was when the preacher asked if anyone was ready to be baptized when she was around twelve. My grandma said she was and was baptized into this nondenomational Church. My mother told me that her future father-in-law let her know in no uncertain terms the importance of becoming Lutheran and she willingly complied later teaching Sunday School. Soon after becoming LDS, I would become a Sunbeam teacher and like to think of my continuing the tradition. Grandma also shared about my mom and uncle and about her resisting alchohol when tempted by peers. It was so natural to be around Grandma. She would sometimes say what severe pain she was in with her rheumotid arthritis. We would later learn that she also had luekemia. In pain, she was so kind. I can remember Grandma and her appearance so well. I asked my mom what age she thinks of her mom. She said that she doesn't really think of what she looked like. Yes, she can conjure up an image. What she thinks of is not her appearance of auburn hair and a bigger bone structure than she and I or her wide smile that I would later see in a woman of a different race on my mission and remark how she looked like my Grandma. The woman in a good natured manner replied, "How did that happen?" I told her their smile was the same. They also had the same sweetness. That is something my mom also has. Grandma and pain was as I had known her. I couldn't take my mom going down that road. I couldn't loose even a part of my mom to that. I hate to see any signs of aging or even the slightest senior moments as her dad would have dementia. Also, I am not able to care for myself now. I am physically able. I am emotionally paralyzed. My mom helps me get dressed for work. Yes, I can get dressed by myself and had to when my scheduled changed briefly. Mornings found me crying and often less an article of clothing such as a sock as they fell on the ground or a shirt that met the same demise that was to be an extra layer for warmth. I can't open the fridge or do dishes. I used to do dishes for grandma some, but I did clog her sink. I have clogged ours before and we had to have a bucket under both our upstairs and downstairs. But that's not why I can't now. Well, I could, I sometimes dream of it. I am just too afraid to harm others or contaminate them. And when I am not so afraid, I don't take the leap. I helped mom out of the bath tub some when she needed help a few months back. I was glad to be of some service although I worried that I was contaminated. My shoulder started hurting and my dad said I was not allowed to do so nor did my mom want me to do so. Worthless is the feeling to have a mother in pain wait on you and feed you becase it is too hard to open the fridge. She took me to the basement three times in one day to help her do laundry. It was like walking miles with the concentration required to do each step. My heart is strong, I think. I can easily walk up and down stairs. However, the obstactles involved in this were so draining not to mention the things in my path that scare me. One day, I put in a load by myself though I was nervous passing certain things. On my road to independence by necessity. Then I got sick and did not seek out these small goals for a time. The basement was semi-cleared at a time, but not she says there is too much down there for me. It's like I feel strong and am feeling that there is no reason I should be afraid of what I fear much of the time. But yet, I still have meltdowns. My mom's arms were swollen again recently but it was thankfully short-lived. She is my best friend. We are built alike. She tells me that I write good poetry and she says that she has read a lot of poetry. I doubt that she has read what would constitute a lot of poetry. She has a high school degree and some college correspondence work in business classes and a nutrition class. When my dad worked nights, she read a short story anthology at one time as she was scared. She surprised me greatly once in saying a poem out of the blue. She had learned it in her school days and recited it. She is my mom/my friend/my caregiver/. I don't think I can live without her. That she has been spared the severe pain for at least now and has so much of her youth back. Oh, you should see her face light up looking at pictures of her grandbabies.----I really didn't expect to write more than a few sentences but I really got going as you can see. It will be interesting to see if it will post. Feel free to edit for content if you like. How very intimate! I am built so much like my mom and like to match my hand up to hers. A few months ago, her wrists were swollen and her hands and joints were starting to look all mangled and swollen. This brought me back to when I was an eigth grader and would sit her mom that was a shut in while my grandpa went out for the afternoon. Grandma always made me feel so confident. I knew which pills needed to be taken at what time and what required milk and crackers to coat the stomach. When I helped lift her from her chair through the years, she would always comment how strong I was. When Grandma was more able, baby sat for wealthy people. She was known for really paying attention to the children. Sitting in bed with her in what I did not know was her final months, she would share about her childhood and how proud her mom was when the preacher asked if anyone was ready to be baptized when she was around twelve. My grandma said she was and was baptized into this nondenomational Church. My mother told me that her future father-in-law let her know in no uncertain terms the importance of becoming Lutheran and she willingly complied later teaching Sunday School. Soon after becoming LDS, I would become a Sunbeam teacher and like to think of my continuing the tradition. Grandma also shared about my mom and uncle and about her resisting alchohol when tempted by peers. It was so natural to be around Grandma. She would sometimes say what severe pain she was in with her rheumotid arthritis. We would later learn that she also had luekemia. In pain, she was so kind. I can remember Grandma and her appearance so well. I asked my mom what age she thinks of her mom. She said that she doesn’t really think of what she looked like. Yes, she can conjure up an image. What she thinks of is not her appearance of auburn hair and a bigger bone structure than she and I or her wide smile that I would later see in a woman of a different race on my mission and remark how she looked like my Grandma. The woman in a good natured manner replied, “How did that happen?” I told her their smile was the same. They also had the same sweetness. That is something my mom also has. Grandma and pain was as I had known her. I couldn’t take my mom going down that road. I couldn’t loose even a part of my mom to that. I hate to see any signs of aging or even the slightest senior moments as her dad would have dementia. Also, I am not able to care for myself now. I am physically able. I am emotionally paralyzed. My mom helps me get dressed for work. Yes, I can get dressed by myself and had to when my scheduled changed briefly. Mornings found me crying and often less an article of clothing such as a sock as they fell on the ground or a shirt that met the same demise that was to be an extra layer for warmth. I can’t open the fridge or do dishes. I used to do dishes for grandma some, but I did clog her sink. I have clogged ours before and we had to have a bucket under both our upstairs and downstairs. But that’s not why I can’t now. Well, I could, I sometimes dream of it. I am just too afraid to harm others or contaminate them. And when I am not so afraid, I don’t take the leap. I helped mom out of the bath tub some when she needed help a few months back. I was glad to be of some service although I worried that I was contaminated. My shoulder started hurting and my dad said I was not allowed to do so nor did my mom want me to do so. Worthless is the feeling to have a mother in pain wait on you and feed you becase it is too hard to open the fridge. She took me to the basement three times in one day to help her do laundry. It was like walking miles with the concentration required to do each step. My heart is strong, I think. I can easily walk up and down stairs. However, the obstactles involved in this were so draining not to mention the things in my path that scare me. One day, I put in a load by myself though I was nervous passing certain things. On my road to independence by necessity. Then I got sick and did not seek out these small goals for a time. The basement was semi-cleared at a time, but not she says there is too much down there for me. It’s like I feel strong and am feeling that there is no reason I should be afraid of what I fear much of the time. But yet, I still have meltdowns. My mom’s arms were swollen again recently but it was thankfully short-lived. She is my best friend. We are built alike. She tells me that I write good poetry and she says that she has read a lot of poetry. I doubt that she has read what would constitute a lot of poetry. She has a high school degree and some college correspondence work in business classes and a nutrition class. When my dad worked nights, she read a short story anthology at one time as she was scared. She surprised me greatly once in saying a poem out of the blue. She had learned it in her school days and recited it. She is my mom/my friend/my caregiver/. I don’t think I can live without her. That she has been spared the severe pain for at least now and has so much of her youth back. Oh, you should see her face light up looking at pictures of her grandbabies.—-I really didn’t expect to write more than a few sentences but I really got going as you can see. It will be interesting to see if it will post. Feel free to edit for content if you like.

]]> By: Darlene http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8439 Darlene Tue, 01 May 2007 23:35:20 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8439 Melonie, Your beautiful description brought back a lot of memories. I nursed my mother when she was dying, and I'm so very grateful for having had the experience. It was sad to me how much she hated being a "burden," because I loved being able to do it for her. I wasn't there at the moment of death, though. This is beautiful. Melonie,

Your beautiful description brought back a lot of memories. I nursed my mother when she was dying, and I’m so very grateful for having had the experience. It was sad to me how much she hated being a “burden,” because I loved being able to do it for her. I wasn’t there at the moment of death, though. This is beautiful.

]]> By: Sharlee http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8438 Sharlee Tue, 01 May 2007 23:15:38 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8438 Oh my goodness, Melonie! You have to write a book about your grandmother. I mean, you HAVE to. It is imperative. And may I sign up for the first copy, hot off the press? I think you've intimidated us all with the beauty of your essay. The most sacred experiences I've had with the human body involve the births of my children and the death of my mother. I tried to capture the transcendence and holiness of sitting there with my mother when she died in my poem "Somewhere" (Fall 2005 issue of Segullah). I don't really know how else to talk about it. I guess you'll just have to track down the poem if you're interested!:-) Anyway, thank you Melonie for sharing this deeply moving tribute. Oh my goodness, Melonie! You have to write a book about your grandmother. I mean, you HAVE to. It is imperative. And may I sign up for the first copy, hot off the press?

I think you’ve intimidated us all with the beauty of your essay. The most sacred experiences I’ve had with the human body involve the births of my children and the death of my mother. I tried to capture the transcendence and holiness of sitting there with my mother when she died in my poem “Somewhere” (Fall 2005 issue of Segullah). I don’t really know how else to talk about it. I guess you’ll just have to track down the poem if you’re interested!:-)

Anyway, thank you Melonie for sharing this deeply moving tribute.

]]> By: Emily M. http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8431 Emily M. Tue, 01 May 2007 20:41:37 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8431 Very nice, Melonie. I loved Arlene's essay, too. Random thoughts: When my mother-in-law was dying, she kept looking past us, trying to get up out of bed. Over and over, until the nurse sedated her. I think it was her spirit trying to leave her fragile body. The sweet woman who had styled her hair for years styled it for us. A great service. I love the sacredness of the body communicated by this post and Arlene's essay. Very nice, Melonie.

I loved Arlene’s essay, too.

Random thoughts:

When my mother-in-law was dying, she kept looking past us, trying to get up out of bed. Over and over, until the nurse sedated her. I think it was her spirit trying to leave her fragile body.

The sweet woman who had styled her hair for years styled it for us. A great service.

I love the sacredness of the body communicated by this post and Arlene’s essay.

]]> By: Melonie http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8428 Melonie Tue, 01 May 2007 19:34:55 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8428 You are all so nice. I do not have any regrets with my Grandma, other than I wish I had had even more time to spend with her. She had lived an amazing life. I wish I could have talked more about her. Her father was the owner of Saltaire, so she had lots of fun stories associated with that. Teddy Roosevelt came to their house for dinner, they had one of the first cars in Utah, her Dad paid for J. Reuban Clark's law school. She was also the granddaughter of Joseph F. Smith, so there are tons of stories of her time spent with him and his stories about his dad, Hyrum, and the crossing of the plains with his mother Mary Fielding. He held family home evenings for years at their house before he initiated the FHE program in the church. She was a sweetheart, but hated being called that. "I'm NOT SWEET!" she would say. However, I would really like to hear from others about their experiences with people, their own bodies, or what they learned from Arlene's essay! Write up, girls! (and boys, if you are there). You are all so nice. I do not have any regrets with my Grandma, other than I wish I had had even more time to spend with her. She had lived an amazing life. I wish I could have talked more about her. Her father was the owner of Saltaire, so she had lots of fun stories associated with that. Teddy Roosevelt came to their house for dinner, they had one of the first cars in Utah, her Dad paid for J. Reuban Clark’s law school. She was also the granddaughter of Joseph F. Smith, so there are tons of stories of her time spent with him and his stories about his dad, Hyrum, and the crossing of the plains with his mother Mary Fielding. He held family home evenings for years at their house before he initiated the FHE program in the church. She was a sweetheart, but hated being called that. “I’m NOT SWEET!” she would say.
However, I would really like to hear from others about their experiences with people, their own bodies, or what they learned from Arlene’s essay! Write up, girls! (and boys, if you are there).

]]> By: Annette http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8426 Annette Tue, 01 May 2007 18:41:08 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/segullah-article-discussions/192/#comment-8426 Wow! I'l bet you have no regrets - for how you cared for and loved your Grandma. That is truly special. Wow! I’l bet you have no regrets – for how you cared for and loved your Grandma. That is truly special.

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