Comments on: Broken http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:08:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Blog Segullah » Natural Born Mothers http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-1349 Blog Segullah » Natural Born Mothers Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:35:28 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-1349 [...] Take Kathy, for instance. She has seven children, one of whom has disabilities. She has been broken and rebuilt, faced challenges to her mothering, crisis of faith and family, and still talks vaguely about having another child. She blogs lovingly about tiny socks and soft blankets upon learning of the birth of her fourth, did you read that, FOURTH child. (Kathy is going to vehemently protest me putting her in the “natural born mother” category. However, it’s kind of like those people who protest that they are not organized. You can’t argue with the fact that their socks are color coded.) [...] [...] Take Kathy, for instance. She has seven children, one of whom has disabilities. She has been broken and rebuilt, faced challenges to her mothering, crisis of faith and family, and still talks vaguely about having another child. She blogs lovingly about tiny socks and soft blankets upon learning of the birth of her fourth, did you read that, FOURTH child. (Kathy is going to vehemently protest me putting her in the “natural born mother” category. However, it’s kind of like those people who protest that they are not organized. You can’t argue with the fact that their socks are color coded.) [...]

]]> By: Heidi http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-706 Heidi Thu, 16 Nov 2006 03:42:36 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-706 I was in RS a few weeks ago and a person made some knd of comment on discouagement and how the gospel helps us to not be discouraged. She then used ME as an example, asking me in front of everyone if I were discouraged, despite some fairly obvious trials I'd recently had. I said, seriously, that I WAS pretty discouraged--but then quickly turned it into a joke. Really what I wanted and needed was the whole room to cry with me, but I just didn't feel that the response would be helpful if I really admitted the depth of my hurt. Later I thought about what it means to be discouraged. It is the exact same word (French derivation) as "disenheartened" (English derivation)--literally to have one's heart taken away or diminshed. It occurred to me that my heart HAS to be broken--it HAS to be taken away for me to receive a new heart in its place. If we are never discouraged, literally, we are never healed. We don't receive the "fleshy tables of the heart" in place of the "stony tables." That's a bit of a stretch from the discussion regarding brokenness, but I think it refers to the same process. I was in RS a few weeks ago and a person made some knd of comment on discouagement and how the gospel helps us to not be discouraged. She then used ME as an example, asking me in front of everyone if I were discouraged, despite some fairly obvious trials I’d recently had. I said, seriously, that I WAS pretty discouraged–but then quickly turned it into a joke. Really what I wanted and needed was the whole room to cry with me, but I just didn’t feel that the response would be helpful if I really admitted the depth of my hurt. Later I thought about what it means to be discouraged. It is the exact same word (French derivation) as “disenheartened” (English derivation)–literally to have one’s heart taken away or diminshed. It occurred to me that my heart HAS to be broken–it HAS to be taken away for me to receive a new heart in its place. If we are never discouraged, literally, we are never healed. We don’t receive the “fleshy tables of the heart” in place of the “stony tables.” That’s a bit of a stretch from the discussion regarding brokenness, but I think it refers to the same process.

]]> By: MA http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-630 MA Sun, 12 Nov 2006 20:26:28 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-630 Maralise, your statement "I ponder the times that my own glass has broken into meaningless pieces only to be crafted back together into something less perfect but more beautiful." really struck me, and reminded me of one of my favorite stanzas of Wendell Berry (I think it is from "Anthem") Ring the bells that can still ring Forget your perfect offering There is a crack in everything That's how the light gets in. Which of course reminds me of Ether 12:27 and the weakness that God can make strong. I think it is so revealing of our American culture that we always read that scripture with "weaknesses" and talk about it as if our weaknesses are a checklist to take to Gold's Gym and pound into oblivion on the treadmill. But if you read the scripture carefully in the singular, you realize that we are innately weak and are intended to remain that way, depending ever on God's strength. Maralise, your statement “I ponder the times that my own glass has broken into meaningless pieces only to be crafted back together into something less perfect but more beautiful.” really struck me, and reminded me of one of my favorite stanzas of Wendell Berry (I think it is from “Anthem”)
Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Which of course reminds me of Ether 12:27 and the weakness that God can make strong. I think it is so revealing of our American culture that we always read that scripture with “weaknesses” and talk about it as if our weaknesses are a checklist to take to Gold’s Gym and pound into oblivion on the treadmill. But if you read the scripture carefully in the singular, you realize that we are innately weak and are intended to remain that way, depending ever on God’s strength.

]]> By: maralise http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-627 maralise Sun, 12 Nov 2006 15:02:20 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-627 "Sometimes what is most difficult is the weight on my heart, almost a burden, from all that I have experienced." That is well-said Rebecca. I hadn't thought about it that way before. I can understand that sentiment completely. “Sometimes what is most difficult is the weight on my heart, almost a burden, from all that I have experienced.”

That is well-said Rebecca. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. I can understand that sentiment completely.

]]> By: Rebecca P. http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-626 Rebecca P. Sun, 12 Nov 2006 14:22:12 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-626 Maralise, I think everyone can benefit from a bit of fixing. Maybe fixing isn't the right term, maybe just a bit of a tweak or improvement is a better thought. Sometimes what is most difficult is the weight on my heart, almost a burden, from all that I have experienced. Sometimes I stand in defeat, wondering what could possibly go wrong next-usually when I do, I am greeted ever so quickly by the challenge. Yet, when I stand strong and feel content I am often blasted out of no where with an unexpected issue. I'm so tired of battling for everything. I don't want to have to exert all my time and energy simple surviving as I do now. I think it is beneficial that I can admit my feelings of upset in my life right now. Admitting there is a problem is often the first step in finding a solution. Questioning my existence, my surroundings, and my satisfaction in life has brought about a desire for a change. I guess that it would be unrealistic to revert to the person I was just three years ago, and yet I long to have such peace again. I may not have grand plans or goals to move beyond this point as yet, but I know they will come. Thank you for visiting my blog. I appreciate your thoughts and comments. I too hope that I can reflect the light from those shards really soon. Maralise, I think everyone can benefit from a bit of fixing. Maybe fixing isn’t the right term, maybe just a bit of a tweak or improvement is a better thought. Sometimes what is most difficult is the weight on my heart, almost a burden, from all that I have experienced.

Sometimes I stand in defeat, wondering what could possibly go wrong next-usually when I do, I am greeted ever so quickly by the challenge.

Yet, when I stand strong and feel content I am often blasted out of no where with an unexpected issue. I’m so tired of battling for everything. I don’t want to have to exert all my time and energy simple surviving as I do now.

I think it is beneficial that I can admit my feelings of upset in my life right now. Admitting there is a problem is often the first step in finding a solution.

Questioning my existence, my surroundings, and my satisfaction in life has brought about a desire for a change. I guess that it would be unrealistic to revert to the person I was just three years ago, and yet I long to have such peace again.

I may not have grand plans or goals to move beyond this point as yet, but I know they will come.

Thank you for visiting my blog. I appreciate your thoughts and comments. I too hope that I can reflect the light from those shards really soon.

]]> By: maralise http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-620 maralise Sun, 12 Nov 2006 07:31:36 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-620 Here are my thoughts after reading Rebecca's post: After writing my post, I realized that broken was a loaded term. It implies that we need to be fixed. I truly think that the person you were and the person you are can co-exist. It's not always bad to be different from your old self. Because removing the circumstances that changed you also removes what you have learned from those experiences, the amount of empathy you can give to others going through something similar, and the wisdom that comes from living a less-than-ideal life. I'm not saying that you need to stay exactly like you are (especially since you feel something is missing). But, don't beat yourself up over feeling broken. Maybe one has to feel broken in order to know how to reflect the light that comes from all those shards. Good luck with your journey... Here are my thoughts after reading Rebecca’s post:

After writing my post, I realized that broken was a loaded term. It implies that we need to be fixed. I truly think that the person you were and the person you are can co-exist. It’s not always bad to be different from your old self. Because removing the circumstances that changed you also removes what you have learned from those experiences, the amount of empathy you can give to others going through something similar, and the wisdom that comes from living a less-than-ideal life.

I’m not saying that you need to stay exactly like you are (especially since you feel something is missing). But, don’t beat yourself up over feeling broken. Maybe one has to feel broken in order to know how to reflect the light that comes from all those shards. Good luck with your journey…

]]> By: Rebecca P. http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-619 Rebecca P. Sun, 12 Nov 2006 07:09:05 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-619 Thank you Maralise for this post. It has brought about some deep thoughts and consideration of my life. I started to write a long comment about how I feel broken, then I wasn't sure if it would fit here. So I opted to write a post on my blog instead. Thank you Maralise for this post. It has brought about some deep thoughts and consideration of my life.

I started to write a long comment about how I feel broken, then I wasn’t sure if it would fit here. So I opted to write a post on my blog instead.

]]> By: Kathy http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-597 Kathy Fri, 10 Nov 2006 23:39:04 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-597 "a broken heart and a contrite spirit" is one of my favorite scriptural phrases. I've been taught that "broken" means "shattered beyond recognition" and "contrite" means "ground into powder." It's painful enough to endure it for one's self--much worse to see a child go through it. Everything good in my life has come through pain. I'm beginning to believe that the things we most dread are the things we most need. But that doesn't matter--I still don't want my kids to go through it. I don't want them to be broken. This is why it's good that I can't control their lives. I would seriously mess up their development as divine heirs.... “a broken heart and a contrite spirit” is one of my favorite scriptural phrases. I’ve been taught that “broken” means “shattered beyond recognition” and “contrite” means “ground into powder.”

It’s painful enough to endure it for one’s self–much worse to see a child go through it.

Everything good in my life has come through pain. I’m beginning to believe that the things we most dread are the things we most need. But that doesn’t matter–I still don’t want my kids to go through it. I don’t want them to be broken. This is why it’s good that I can’t control their lives. I would seriously mess up their development as divine heirs….

]]> By: Johnna http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-557 Johnna Thu, 09 Nov 2006 06:45:05 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-557 I hate that I'm lately viewing my kids as broken. I may succumb to the pressure to have one of my kids assessed for ADD, but investigating the whole ADD thing is putting our whole family in a new light to me--my whole family that I was perfectly happy with our different and happy way of being. Now it's not *us*, now it's just *DSM-IV*. And of course, I feel very guilty about it. All my fault, I'm sure, passed on by nurture. My new way of organizing the broken pieces is to be practical and responsible and strive for the ordinary where before I exulted in the special and different and chased the fun. I hope the spark will glow in peace where it has danced in chaos. I hate that I’m lately viewing my kids as broken. I may succumb to the pressure to have one of my kids assessed for ADD, but investigating the whole ADD thing is putting our whole family in a new light to me–my whole family that I was perfectly happy with our different and happy way of being. Now it’s not *us*, now it’s just *DSM-IV*.

And of course, I feel very guilty about it. All my fault, I’m sure, passed on by nurture. My new way of organizing the broken pieces is to be practical and responsible and strive for the ordinary where before I exulted in the special and different and chased the fun. I hope the spark will glow in peace where it has danced in chaos.

]]> By: Jennifer B http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/broken/#comment-511 Jennifer B Wed, 08 Nov 2006 06:18:42 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=53#comment-511 Maralise --- Thank you for giving me something to think about. I can easily think of times when not just me, but especially my hopes and expectations for the future were broken. Fortunately, when I decided to stop being bitter and full of despair, I was able to realize that Heavenly Father never turns away from us although we often turn away from Him so subtly that we don't realize it at first. I put back the pieces little by little and had to trust that the new creation could be just a beautiful as the one I had held previously. b. -- interesting idea. I can see how the thought that we knew or even chose our trials would help us to accept them. Personally, I don't imagine it that way. I think we knew that we would be tested and tried and that if we chose to follow the Savior that we would be able to be obedient and overcome our hardships. I don't think we chose our trials, but chose to endure whatever trials came to us. But I strongly believe our Father, who knows us perfectly, knows exactly what trials we need and can withstand. It makes more sense to me that He would choose our trials--although I don't think each trial we endure is necesarily something chosen for us at all. To me, the question of whether or not I knew what specific trials I would experience is not as significant as the question of what I will do NOW that I have them. Maralise — Thank you for giving me something to think about. I can easily think of times when not just me, but especially my hopes and expectations for the future were broken. Fortunately, when I decided to stop being bitter and full of despair, I was able to realize that Heavenly Father never turns away from us although we often turn away from Him so subtly that we don’t realize it at first. I put back the pieces little by little and had to trust that the new creation could be just a beautiful as the one I had held previously.

b. — interesting idea. I can see how the thought that we knew or even chose our trials would help us to accept them. Personally, I don’t imagine it that way. I think we knew that we would be tested and tried and that if we chose to follow the Savior that we would be able to be obedient and overcome our hardships. I don’t think we chose our trials, but chose to endure whatever trials came to us. But I strongly believe our Father, who knows us perfectly, knows exactly what trials we need and can withstand. It makes more sense to me that He would choose our trials–although I don’t think each trial we endure is necesarily something chosen for us at all. To me, the question of whether or not I knew what specific trials I would experience is not as significant as the question of what I will do NOW that I have them.

]]>