Comments on: Enough Already http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:52:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Michelle http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4147 Michelle Wed, 21 Feb 2007 05:14:14 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4147 You are right, Kathryn. Thanks for the reminder: "This is what works for me." And yet, like you said, there are times when change would be good. But as for the clutter issue, that is one place where I really try to do my best and try to let the rest go. But it's still hard not to compare, ya know? :) You are right, Kathryn. Thanks for the reminder: “This is what works for me.”

And yet, like you said, there are times when change would be good. But as for the clutter issue, that is one place where I really try to do my best and try to let the rest go. But it’s still hard not to compare, ya know? :)

]]> By: Kathryn Soper http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4145 Kathryn Soper Wed, 21 Feb 2007 01:51:29 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4145 Michelle, I have to work hard to keep such things from clogging my insecurity filter. So you\'re not alone! Try it as a mantra: \"This is what works for me. This is what works for me.\" :) It\'s a complex issue. There\'s the whole question of whether a particular thing (like candy or toys or TV) is really a problem in my house, and then there\'s the question of what, if anything, to do about it. Sometimes in my life there\'s an area that\'s NOT working, but ignoring it is all I can do at that point. That\'s another version of \"what works.\" A few years ago I reached a point of such desperation that I had to abandon several of my pet worries. It was a do-or-die choice. I had to tell myself, \"I can\'t afford to care about this right now.\" I\'m not suggesting that you\'re in the same panicky boat. I just want to point out that just because something triggers our mother-radar doesn\'t mean we need to go attack it. If we went charging after every intruder into our ideal scenario, we\'d be constantly running from one problem to the next in a crazed sweat. And that\'s not to say that it\'s good to always ignore things we\'re not happy about in our lives/families. (If indeed we are unhappy about it for our own reasons, not just because we\'re comparing ourselves to others.) Sometimes the time for change is NOW. But when I make big changes, I have to be ready. It\'s like making the baby fall asleep on his own--the pain of the change has to be less than the pain of NOT changing. That\'s pretty much the only situation that motivates me! Michelle, I have to work hard to keep such things from clogging my insecurity filter. So you\’re not alone! Try it as a mantra: \”This is what works for me. This is what works for me.\” :)

It\’s a complex issue. There\’s the whole question of whether a particular thing (like candy or toys or TV) is really a problem in my house, and then there\’s the question of what, if anything, to do about it. Sometimes in my life there\’s an area that\’s NOT working, but ignoring it is all I can do at that point. That\’s another version of \”what works.\”

A few years ago I reached a point of such desperation that I had to abandon several of my pet worries. It was a do-or-die choice. I had to tell myself, \”I can\’t afford to care about this right now.\” I\’m not suggesting that you\’re in the same panicky boat. I just want to point out that just because something triggers our mother-radar doesn\’t mean we need to go attack it. If we went charging after every intruder into our ideal scenario, we\’d be constantly running from one problem to the next in a crazed sweat.

And that\’s not to say that it\’s good to always ignore things we\’re not happy about in our lives/families. (If indeed we are unhappy about it for our own reasons, not just because we\’re comparing ourselves to others.) Sometimes the time for change is NOW. But when I make big changes, I have to be ready. It\’s like making the baby fall asleep on his own–the pain of the change has to be less than the pain of NOT changing. That\’s pretty much the only situation that motivates me!

]]> By: Justine http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4143 Justine Wed, 21 Feb 2007 00:55:03 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4143 I think the idea of custom fitting these ideas to your own family is SO IMPORTANT! It drives me crazy to hear , from other women, exactly "how" I should be doing things. Just like each of my kids is so totally different, my family dynamic is so different from other families. Kathy is right. It's about what works in your house. The issue of over-abundance is still an issue for me though. It's something that drives me crazy daily. Just because there aren't toys to clutter the bedroom does not by any means equate to a clean and clutter free bedroom. It's still a struggle. I think the idea of custom fitting these ideas to your own family is SO IMPORTANT! It drives me crazy to hear , from other women, exactly “how” I should be doing things. Just like each of my kids is so totally different, my family dynamic is so different from other families.

Kathy is right. It’s about what works in your house. The issue of over-abundance is still an issue for me though. It’s something that drives me crazy daily. Just because there aren’t toys to clutter the bedroom does not by any means equate to a clean and clutter free bedroom. It’s still a struggle.

]]> By: Maralise http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4141 Maralise Wed, 21 Feb 2007 00:28:01 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4141 My husband and I debate over the "toy issue" frequently. He comes from a home where toys were scarce and where being "careful" with one's toys was of premium value. I came from a home filled with toys and the things that I liked/wanted. I was spoiled, he was not. And you know what? Being spoiled helped me understand how unimportant those toys were. Not being spoiled taught my husband the same lesson. Kathy is right that it boils down to what is right for your own family. Now, if only my husband and I could agree... My husband and I debate over the “toy issue” frequently. He comes from a home where toys were scarce and where being “careful” with one’s toys was of premium value. I came from a home filled with toys and the things that I liked/wanted. I was spoiled, he was not. And you know what? Being spoiled helped me understand how unimportant those toys were. Not being spoiled taught my husband the same lesson.

Kathy is right that it boils down to what is right for your own family. Now, if only my husband and I could agree…

]]> By: Michelle http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4140 Michelle Tue, 20 Feb 2007 23:20:31 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4140 Angie, again I know that neither you nor anyone else here was suggesting that this is an issue of righteousness, but my own personal insecurity filter sometimes interprets it that way, and I have seen people use this as I'm "I'm better than you are" kind of thing, which doesn't help my filter at all. :) We are having a big DI drive here in March, and my pile in the garage is huge. I went through a pile of clothes yesterday and probably will fill another bag or so with those, so I guess I can rejoice in little things, little bits of progress. And I agree with us having different gifts. I guess this has all just underscored what mine...aren't! ;) Angie, again I know that neither you nor anyone else here was suggesting that this is an issue of righteousness, but my own personal insecurity filter sometimes interprets it that way, and I have seen people use this as I’m “I’m better than you are” kind of thing, which doesn’t help my filter at all. :)

We are having a big DI drive here in March, and my pile in the garage is huge. I went through a pile of clothes yesterday and probably will fill another bag or so with those, so I guess I can rejoice in little things, little bits of progress.

And I agree with us having different gifts. I guess this has all just underscored what mine…aren’t! ;)

]]> By: Angie http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4139 Angie Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:36:05 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4139 Righteous? I'm not sure that that has anything to do with it. Oh sure, the underlying principles may be gospel based--create and warm and inviting home, care for your body, share your resources with others, etc etc, but for most of those categories we have been given a great deal of latitude in how we interpret and apply them. I think much comes down to lifestyle choice, and to individual preferences and talents. We have different gifts, and we will shine in different areas. I don't think clutter will keep me out of heaven, for example, I just find that it distracts from things that are more important to me. Good point about expectations themselves being overwhelming, Michelle. I was struck by Felicia's point that it helps to give myself permission to give 30% in a given area, if that is the guidance the Lord gives me for balancing my life at that time. It's interesting how much more patient He often is with us than we are with ourselves. And the toy free update...we loaded a ton of toys into the garage last night. The kids were mostly very supportive about it. They seemed relieved, actually, to have less stuff to organize and clean. Our house has a loft area with a built in child size "cupboard" underneath where they used to keep their toys. They still have toys there--a few dolls and accessories, a few Barbies, a few building toys, But they now also have lots of space to play in. They're been busily engaged all day, and have told me several times how nice it is to not be crowded with stuff. They also seem to have rediscovered the few toys that are left. We'll see if it lasts. I told them it was an experiment--anything they dreadfully miss can be brought back inside. Righteous? I’m not sure that that has anything to do with it. Oh sure, the underlying principles may be gospel based–create and warm and inviting home, care for your body, share your resources with others, etc etc, but for most of those categories we have been given a great deal of latitude in how we interpret and apply them. I think much comes down to lifestyle choice, and to individual preferences and talents. We have different gifts, and we will shine in different areas. I don’t think clutter will keep me out of heaven, for example, I just find that it distracts from things that are more important to me.

Good point about expectations themselves being overwhelming, Michelle. I was struck by Felicia’s point that it helps to give myself permission to give 30% in a given area, if that is the guidance the Lord gives me for balancing my life at that time. It’s interesting how much more patient He often is with us than we are with ourselves.

And the toy free update…we loaded a ton of toys into the garage last night. The kids were mostly very supportive about it. They seemed relieved, actually, to have less stuff to organize and clean. Our house has a loft area with a built in child size “cupboard” underneath where they used to keep their toys. They still have toys there–a few dolls and accessories, a few Barbies, a few building toys, But they now also have lots of space to play in. They’re been busily engaged all day, and have told me several times how nice it is to not be crowded with stuff. They also seem to have rediscovered the few toys that are left. We’ll see if it lasts. I told them it was an experiment–anything they dreadfully miss can be brought back inside.

]]> By: Emily M. http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4138 Emily M. Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:20:24 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4138 This is one reason why I do not decorate for holidays besides Christmas: where would I store it all? I spent all day yesterday putting stuff in my basement into Sterlite boxes, each carefully numbered and catalogued, so that we would have room for the food storage our Stake President wants us to get. Now we have room for a year's supply of food. What we don't have room for is Easter, Halloween, Fourth of July, and Valentine decorations. I put up the stuff my kids do in school and that's about it. And I do feel a little sad (or defensive about the expectation, and then irritated) about it, when I go into a cute-decorated home (or last Halloween when my kids wanted something besides just pumpkins). But decorating well is not my gift, and it's lucky it isn't, because I don't know where I'd put it all. This is one reason why I do not decorate for holidays besides Christmas: where would I store it all? I spent all day yesterday putting stuff in my basement into Sterlite boxes, each carefully numbered and catalogued, so that we would have room for the food storage our Stake President wants us to get. Now we have room for a year’s supply of food. What we don’t have room for is Easter, Halloween, Fourth of July, and Valentine decorations. I put up the stuff my kids do in school and that’s about it.

And I do feel a little sad (or defensive about the expectation, and then irritated) about it, when I go into a cute-decorated home (or last Halloween when my kids wanted something besides just pumpkins). But decorating well is not my gift, and it’s lucky it isn’t, because I don’t know where I’d put it all.

]]> By: Kathryn Soper http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4137 Kathryn Soper Tue, 20 Feb 2007 21:40:40 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4137 I don't think being toy-free or sugar-free or TV-free or (fill in blank here) has anything to do with righteousness. It just comes down to what works for your family. I fall too easily into an all-or-nothing mentality, and then I drive myself crazy! I think we can easily spend more energy feeling worried or guilty about things than we do working toward a solution (if we need one) or enjoying how things are (if we don't). I don’t think being toy-free or sugar-free or TV-free or (fill in blank here) has anything to do with righteousness. It just comes down to what works for your family. I fall too easily into an all-or-nothing mentality, and then I drive myself crazy! I think we can easily spend more energy feeling worried or guilty about things than we do working toward a solution (if we need one) or enjoying how things are (if we don’t).

]]> By: Michelle http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4136 Michelle Tue, 20 Feb 2007 21:21:06 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4136 I struggle so much with these questions. I don't say no easily to hand-me-downs because I'm cheap and dont want to spend money on clothes, but then I end up having too much to manage. I do some of the same with toys, too. I just don't know what the answers really are. And then I hear of someone toy-free, or living in 800 square feet, and I feel that much more overwhelemed. I'm not convinced that we all have to be toy-free and square-foot limited to be righteous, do we? Is there really One Right Way to approach this, or is it more that we are trying to do what we can with what we have? (I'm not saying those who have shared their approaches are suggesting they are the only right ones...it's just the way I filter these things myself...by gettnig overwhelemed (and I have run into those women who think their way IS the One Right Way and that always stays with me a bit.) I hthe Lord can save me even in my clutteriness, because having so many different approaches to things is overwhelming in its own right. It's not just stuff that does it to me, ya know? I have to say I am concerned about that enrichment night you had...while I think traditions with holidays are fun, I don't like the idea of creating more stress for women who don't have the desire or inclination (or money or space!) to have different slip covers for each season. Yikes. Just yikes. I struggle so much with these questions. I don’t say no easily to hand-me-downs because I’m cheap and dont want to spend money on clothes, but then I end up having too much to manage. I do some of the same with toys, too. I just don’t know what the answers really are. And then I hear of someone toy-free, or living in 800 square feet, and I feel that much more overwhelemed. I’m not convinced that we all have to be toy-free and square-foot limited to be righteous, do we? Is there really One Right Way to approach this, or is it more that we are trying to do what we can with what we have? (I’m not saying those who have shared their approaches are suggesting they are the only right ones…it’s just the way I filter these things myself…by gettnig overwhelemed (and I have run into those women who think their way IS the One Right Way and that always stays with me a bit.) I hthe Lord can save me even in my clutteriness, because having so many different approaches to things is overwhelming in its own right. It’s not just stuff that does it to me, ya know?

I have to say I am concerned about that enrichment night you had…while I think traditions with holidays are fun, I don’t like the idea of creating more stress for women who don’t have the desire or inclination (or money or space!) to have different slip covers for each season. Yikes. Just yikes.

]]> By: Angie http://segullah.org/segullah-article-discussions/enough-already/#comment-4104 Angie Mon, 19 Feb 2007 21:38:14 +0000 http://segullah.org/blog/?p=111#comment-4104 Justine, you have inspired me. For FHE tonight we are boxing up stuff to put in the garage. If noone misses it within a couple of months, out it goes. Amber, I love holiday foods too. We had pink oatmeal and individual heart shaped pizzas for Valentine's Day. My kids are already speculating about what I will do for April Fool's Day this year. Emily and Heather, I used to think I just didn't have a big enough house, and that surely if I did it would be worthwhile to hang onto stuff (preparedness, right?) Then a few years ago we moved into a monster house that was twice the square footage of our previous residence. It wasn't better--just alot more work to clean and organize. We downsized last fall, and now my hubby is dreaming of moving all 7 of us into an 800 sq ft mountain cabin, if he ever gets healthy enough to build one. I think he's being unrealistic, but he has almost conviced me to at least downsize again, which was probably his goal. Justine, you have inspired me. For FHE tonight we are boxing up stuff to put in the garage. If noone misses it within a couple of months, out it goes.
Amber, I love holiday foods too. We had pink oatmeal and individual heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day. My kids are already speculating about what I will do for April Fool’s Day this year.
Emily and Heather, I used to think I just didn’t have a big enough house, and that surely if I did it would be worthwhile to hang onto stuff (preparedness, right?) Then a few years ago we moved into a monster house that was twice the square footage of our previous residence. It wasn’t better–just alot more work to clean and organize. We downsized last fall, and now my hubby is dreaming of moving all 7 of us into an 800 sq ft mountain cabin, if he ever gets healthy enough to build one. I think he’s being unrealistic, but he has almost conviced me to at least downsize again, which was probably his goal.

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