Hold to the Rod

Posted by Angie | February 10, 2008 | 7 Comments

“MY MIND SPUN IN DARKNESS as I tried to comprehend the twilight zone this special day had become. Caitlyn, my eight-year-old daughter, was sitting in fetal position in the dressing room. The meeting should have started ten minutes ago, yet her baptismal outfit was still hanging on the door. As she rocked, she argued with herself Gollum-style, “This is the worst day of my life. But I should be having a great day. Only my wedding day will be worse. I’ll just pretend I’m at the zoo. But it’s not the zoo; I hate it. Maybe I’m at the beach. I’ll never get married!”

“Go away!” she screamed at me if I got too close.

“Fifteen minutes later, my face red and blotchy, we finally sat down and sang the opening song. Caitlyn wouldn’t look at anyone, including her favorite Uncle Dan as he gave the baptismal talk. As she got up for the ordinance she turned to me with narrowed eyes and whispered harshly, “NO KIDS CAN WATCH!”

“My voice broke as I explained that Caitlyn was having a hard time, so would the parents please keep their children from coming up to the font. The end of the meeting couldn’t come soon enough. Afterward an observer thoughtlessly remarked, ‘She really is too shy. You should do something about that.’

“Caitlyn was always a challenging child, but when her behavior turned violent and irrational a few months before her eighth birthday we searched and pleaded for answers. Doctors, friends, and counselors smothered me with the vocabulary of mental illness—terms such as bipolar disorder and sensory integration dysfunction. The mists of darkness had come to my house, my family, my child’s mind.”

Read the rest of Felicia’s essay from Segullah’s fall 2006 issue, then tell me about your experiences with hymns. When has a hymn helped you hold to the rod?

Category: Liken the Journal

Comments

7 Responses to “Hold to the Rod”

Sharlee
February 10th, 2008 @ 5:50 pm

“Be Still, My Soul” got me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I still can’t hear it without tearing up.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy Heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Kati
February 10th, 2008 @ 6:40 pm

I love that one too Sharlee. In fact, I was looking at it just today to help calm my heart.

One that always gives me courage and has helped me immensely is “How Firm A Foundation”. The whole song is wonderful, especially the last four verses that we never sing (if you’ve never read them, I strongly suggest doing so; they are beautiful). I particularly love verse 5:

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee: I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

It really comforts me to think of trials in that manner- that they have a purpose, and that purpose is to refine.
Sarah
February 10th, 2008 @ 10:26 pm

Both Be Still my Soul and How Firm a Foundation are among my favorites. Be Still my Soul was sung when my dad was called to be bishop (for the 2nd time) and in my ward at BYU when he was released from my family ward back home.

I really appreciate the idea of holding to the rod in rough family situations. I have been seriously struggling with my in-laws–to the point of considering cutting family ties. I think I need to think more about holding to the rod …
Kelly
February 10th, 2008 @ 11:36 pm

“A Child’s Prayer” has helped me through many dark and dreary times. Just last night as I was feeling the darkness of anxiety, almost involuntarily the song was in my head.

Your struggle touched me. Thank you for your candidness.
Angie
February 11th, 2008 @ 1:44 am

“In Humility, Our Savior” is my favorite hymn. When I sing it, I feel like I’m praying the words to God.

Thank you, Felicia, for your essay. I am praying for you and your family.
Claudia
February 11th, 2008 @ 8:25 am

Though Deepening Trials

Though deepening trials throng your way,
Press on, press on, ye saints of God!
Ere long the resurrection day
Will spread its life and truth abroad,
Will spread its life and truth abroad.

Though outward ills await us here,
The time, at longest, is not long
Ere Jesus Christ will reappear,
Surrounded by a glorious throng,
Surrounded by a glorious throng.

Lift up your hears in praise to God;
Let your rejoicings never cease.
Though tribulations rage abroad,
Christ says, “in me ye shall have peace.”
“Christ says, “In me ye shall have peace.”

I also really like, Think Not When You Gather to Zion
It isn’t in our Hymn book anymore. I can’t remember all the words. It goes as follows:

Think not when you gather to Zion your troubles and trials are through. That nothing but comfort and pleasure are waiting in Zion for you. No, no ti’s designed as a furnace all substance and textures to try. To burn all the hay and the stubble the gold from the dross purify.

There are other verses they are all wonderful.
Laura H. Craner
February 11th, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

When my mind starts to go dark I often find myself humming Primary songs. Songs like “Families Can Be Together Forever” and “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” remind me of simpler times when faith was the easy choice. My favorite hymn is probably “As I Have Loved You”. It reminds me of my Savior’s sacrifice and his all encompassing love while encouraging me to keep trying to share that love. Is there anything more important than remembering those two things?