I was standing in the middle of my kitchen, surrounded by piles of dirty dishes, tired from holiday preparations and pregnancy hormones, worried about an upcoming sacrament meeting talk that I hadn’t even found time to start yet, and frazzled by a long day of attending to the children’s needs, when it hit me. This counts. I looked around and considered all those little sacrifices that usually go unacknowledged, the day’s fatigue, and I just knew. This counts.
I’m not exactly sure why that would come as a surprise to me. We hear regularly from Church leaders that motherhood is a high and holy calling, and since I left my career to become the full time mother of a large family, apparently I believe them. But still, the work is hard and so is the pressure to be something more than “just a mother.” I hear from the media that my work is unfulfilling, unimportant, and degrading. I find that people I meet treat me differently when I introduce myself by mentioning educational credentials instead of my current occupation. Mother. And even in church I sometimes feel the pressure to give more. I have had several experiences in which little or no allowance was given for extra challenges of pregnancy or mothering in particular assignments. But the part that matters most, I suppose, is that somewhere along the line I internalized those feelings.
“Yes, mothering is good, but I ought to be able to accomplish my goals as a mother and still be out visiting the sick and afflicted, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, proclaiming the gospel, advocating for human rights and saving the environment at the same rate I would be if I were not the full time mother of many young children.” Okay, well, it made more sense before I tried to spell it out logically. But illogical as it may be, the feeling that motherhood doesn’t really count, that I should be able to squeeze it in around the edges of other pursuits, has been hard to shake even as a full time homemaker. So when that impression came to me, I carried it around for days, savoring the assurance. When I read a conference talk about consecration, I told myself, “Yes, I am doing that. My efforts count.” When I watched Narnia with my children and saw Peter and Edmund ride out to face the white witch, I thought, “I’m doing that. I’m offering my life for what I believe in. I count.” And when it came time to write an article discussion, I had to come back to Ailene’s essay, Intent to Do Good, from Segullah’s debut issue. Read Ailene’s essay, then tell me about a time you have been called to serve in a manner that was different than what you had anticipated. Were you able to feel that your efforts counted?
Thank you for posting that. I read it before I went to bed last night and as I was lying there, feeling exhausted from our Sunday and thinking about the endless to do list for today your words came to mind, and it was a little easier to fall asleep.
Can I mention that taking care of your kids is just that–feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and spending time comforting the sick and afflicted?
I love that it’s built right in with motherhood–you can’t help but serve out of necessity, and it feels good.
Can I mention that taking care of your kids is just that–feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and spending time comforting the sick and afflicted?
Angie, I love this post. and Emily, that was one of the best motherhood quotes EVER. Thanks, ladies, for your inspiration!
Thanks, ladies. And you really need to read the essay I was linking to. Ailene makes exactly that point in a memorable and profound way. Although we’ve talked about her piece before, it’s one of my favorites that we’ve used in the print journal.
I needed to read that article and your thoughts Angie! I’ve had a miserable few days. I suppose serving as a mother has surprised me. Even though I expected it to be challenging, I didn’t know just how it would feel. I didn’t know how exhausted and frustrated–even angry–I would feel when I was stretched to the limit and still my family needed more from me. (Like being robbed of sleep when I so desperately needed to be rested in order to face the tasks of the day.) I also didn’t anticipate how deeply grateful I would feel when I have moments of peace and assurance that I count and that my service counts.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Angie,
You just described what is known by me as the mental
tug-of-war…
“motherhood vs. everything except motherhood” syndrome.
It will be something constant in your mind that you will have to repeat over and over “motherhood is the most important job I can do right now”.
Never expect worldly validation, only the skewed look on the face of others when you tell them how important your family is.
Wrap yourself in the cocoon of your children, for the most important thing you can do is raise children that will be a contribution to society.
It counts more than you know.
And believe me it is the little things that they remember most.
Things perhaps that were not even planned.
My 3 grown daughters share revelation with me always about my influence as an always *present* mother.
Why is it at 53 with 2 teens at home I still struggle with the validity of the job I am doing full time, that of motherhood, and grand motherhood.
My brain gives me chaos