It Was a Gift

Posted by Maralise | February 5, 2007 | 13 Comments

The first time I read “Living Water,” I found myself overwhelmed with the sorrow and joy of memory. The sorrow came first. And although I have not had an abortion or made the same choices as its author, I have traveled a few dark paths with consequences that are forever irreversible. Sometimes restoration is impossible and the space between feeling sorrow for mistakes and peace in their forgiveness requires crossing a great chasm.

The author talks about a miscarriage many years after her abortion. She describes the pain for the present loss of the child, but instead of the expected despair at finally being paid her “punishment,” she instead felt “solemnity, stillness–even peace.” She said, “I was relieved but I was also troubled. I felt so undeserving of that relief and that peace. Is it really over? I thought. Should it be over? It didn’t seem fair that I was being spared, that my suffering had been so small compared to my sin, and that my pain had come to an end. In that moment, I remembered that when I chose abortion, there was another life hanging in the balance–my own. Christ had offered me living water…this compassion had flowed into me, cleansing me, refreshing me, and lifting me up toward a fullness of life. It had nothing to do with fairness. Nothing to do with deserving. It was a gift. And I made the choice to gratefully receive it.”

“It was a gift.” This is my favorite line from this piece. What was yours?

Category: Liken the Journal

Comments

13 Responses to “It Was a Gift”

Justine
February 5th, 2007 @ 11:49 am

I love the gift line. I love that I will be saved by grace alone. I can do everything I can, and that can only work to qualify me for the Lord’s grace.

It does take “fairness” and “deserving” out of the equation. Our very souls are gifts. I love that.
Angie
February 5th, 2007 @ 3:32 pm

I had a profound experience in my own life when I was struggling in the midst of some significant trials. I was kneeling in prayer, crying, and suddenly the answer came to me. “It’s a gift. Everything is a gift.” The trials, the redemption, all of it a gift. That moment changed my life.
Carrie
February 5th, 2007 @ 4:09 pm

“Sitting alone in my college dorm room, I began to feel very heavy inside. My mind began to replay my many sins, and the ugliness of what I had done began to swell within me like a wave of dark water. The sensation grew stronger and stronger, filling up all of my consciousness, as if I were drowning. And simultaneously, I felt an unseen hand pushing me toward the shore.”

I think this paragraph is a synopsis of my testimony of the Atonement; that it covers everything. The Savior really is ‘the author and finisher’ of my faith.

In “Living Water,” even before she took the first step toward her bishop’s office, there was an “unseen hand” guiding her there. I’m reminded time and again, that everything good comes from the Savior. That even though salvation comes as a gift after all I can do, I couldn’t do anything without the Atonement.

It’s almost like He places my hand in His and my offering is to allow it and then hang on tight.

I loved this piece. I’m thankful she shared it.
Kathy
February 5th, 2007 @ 5:32 pm

I was bugged yesterday during our Sunday School lesson about salvation–the typical grace vs. works discussion. One person, trying to emphasize the necessity of both, used this metaphor: If a man is dying of thirst, and God provides a fountain of pure water on a mountaintop, and the man climbs the mountain to get the water, then who shall we say saved the man?

I raised my hand and said the separation of grace and works is a false dichotomy. There’s nothing we can do that’s not infused with grace. Grace keeps us alive each day. Grace inspires us to move toward the light. Grace sends people to help us. It’s like Angie pointed out with her “God made the cow” story. We can think we’re so great, so righteous, so hard-working, yet we couldn’t do anything without grace. We can give God our desire to reach the water, but he’s the one that inspires that within us, and he’s the one who carries us to the mountaintop.
Dalene
February 5th, 2007 @ 7:38 pm

“And I made the choice to gratefully receive it.”

The gift is offered to each of us, yet sometimes it is difficult for us to quit beating ourselves up long enough to open our hearts and fully receive it. It is often much easier to forgive others and welcome them back to the fold than to admit we belong as well. We often tell ourselves, “I’m not worthy,” when the truth is that none is worthy, and that is why all need the gift.

This was a beautiful testimony of the atonement in action and a good reminder that we must actively choose to accept our Savior’s amazing grace.
Maralise
February 5th, 2007 @ 8:21 pm

I am floored that we are having an active discussion about grace on a MORMON blog. Oh the scandal.

That being said (tongue in cheek, of course) what is your opinion about grace? Are grace and works, as Kathy and Carrie mentioned, intertwined, infusing one another? Or are they a dichotomy, the relationship of which is only to be determined by a final, perfect judgment?

For myself, frankly, although I never envisioned God as a being that witholds the power of the atonement in changing and healing, forgiving his children. But, I do think I have envisioned (possibly erroneously) him as a bean counter. Grace in response to a mistake, 1 point. Works, 2 points. I come out ahead. Everyone wins.

I think that’s why this author’s comments about receiving (and more importantly accepting) his gift were so life-altering to me. The bean counter is changed into a gift-giver. I like that tranformation a lot.
Dalene
February 5th, 2007 @ 8:47 pm

Have you ever read “Believing Christ” by Stephen Robinson?

I remember practically having a panic attack before my dad died because I realized he wasn’t perfect and at the young age I was at the time, I mistakenly thought we had to make it to perfection in this life in order to be exalted. How relieved I was to realize I was wrong!

Robinson’s book beautifully explains grace and focuses on our active role in accepting the gift of the atonement. It was very illuminating.
Maralise
February 5th, 2007 @ 8:54 pm

Yes I have actually. But, my perfectionist self just couldn’t really accept that it worked that way for me.
Kristen
February 5th, 2007 @ 9:27 pm

Grace and works. It seems that what has most influenced my perception of the relationship between the two has been my personality and temperament–so, what that translates into, is that I have spent a lot of time working as hard as I can to deserve grace.

The last several years I have been trying to reverse that, and make it so my understanding of the Atonement defines my view of grace. Why does my natural man always have to get in my way?! :0

I think that for me, grace is going to overwhelm and stun me at that final day—I may feel like I have a grasp on what it means to be saved by grace—but I think that I will be absolutely blown away when the Savior holds me and says “Why did you spend so much energry and effort on things that my grace could have eased and taken care of?”

I’m hoping that I can learn how to accept The Gift better, before then.
Carrie
February 5th, 2007 @ 10:54 pm

One metaphor that has worked for me (worked just meaning that it feels good and I think it’s doctrinally sound) is the idea of a marriage. That we (the church, the individual) are the bride and the Savior is the groom and that when we get married, we merge bank accounts. My account being in the red, even on my very best and most righteous of days, and the Savior’s bank account being infitely RICH and so, I’m not in the red anymore.

I think that’s one of the reasons we agree to take His name upon us. That it’s not just that we’ll do what we think He would do to help others(our works), it’s also that we accept His Atonement for us.
Angie
February 6th, 2007 @ 12:54 pm

Learning to accept grace and the power of the atonement in my day to day life has been powerful for me. I can intellectually grasp that I need the atonement come judgement day, but realizing the depth of the love that is available for me now, moment to moment, is something else again. I think I need “works” in the sense that I have to choose to draw close to Him and accept the gift. But He really does take the burden. There is a reason that the scriptures say His yoke is light.
Melissa Young
February 6th, 2007 @ 4:19 pm

Anyone out there read Philip Yancey’s “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” It’s a thought-provoking read, and offers an interesting non-LDS perspective on grace. One of his themes is that as we experience the grace of God in our own lives, it inspires us to then extend it to others. Thus, grace is the motivation for works.

I recently listened to a female pastor sermonizing on the universality of sin–”For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). It’s not a theme that is dwelt upon much in the LDS church. I think people are afraid the idea will make people feel guilty because we spend so much time focusing on how not to sin. But I think accepting the reality that all are sinners actually allows you to release guilt and accept grace.
Heidi
February 8th, 2007 @ 10:57 am

I thnk that a lot of LDS people buy into the phrase “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.” The problem is, it’s absolutely false. He DID say it would be easy–as in “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I suppose the problem is that we so often make things hard for ourselves, by acting out of our sinful nature, and then assume that it is the judgement of God causing our sorrow–when in fact, it is only our own judgement. I of course do not believe that even the best mortal lfe lived is free of grief, sorrow, or pain–note that we do need to accept both a yoke and a burden. But perhaps we aren’t understanding what “easy” means. I don’t think that it necessarliy means “not hard.” I think that it carries more the idea of something, anything, being suffused with “ease.” Like a mama holding a feverish child and singing softly until the pain fades and the child falls into sleep.