I really liked what ya’ll were saying about LDS culture and repressing emotions. It’s not a part of the gospel to do that, but I sure saw a lot of folks pushing those emotions down into little balls in the pit of their stomachs when they were in college, and in my ward “out in the mission field” as well. Noone wants to “show weakness.” Everyone wants to do the right thing. We should want to do the right things.

But, since none of us is perfect, we make due by pretending– “who me? I neeeever get angry, I never feel scared that I’m falling short, I never worry late at night about money or health or my aging parents. I do not have children that run in circles during family home evening and smear chocolate on every piece of school clothing they own. Of course not. We’re a nineteen fifties family from Life Magazine– I wear pearls in the kitchen while baking things from scratch, and vacuum in high heels. My husband wears a suit and tie to work and comes home promptly at five thirty, and my children always play nicely and pick up after themselves. There are no discipline problems, and I don’t need to watch Nanny 911 to pick up tips.”

And therefore, as a favorite college classic said, “Fester Fester Fester. Rot Rot Rot.”

It isn’t until we truly realize that we don’t have to be perfect to be loved by God, that the Atonement applies to us precsely within our perfections, and that (thank heavens) nobody else’s house is really as clean the day before you come to visit as it is when you arrive, that we can begin to appease those issues of not feeling as if we are not enough…

But I digress into the essay I’m finishing for next issue…… More on “enough” later….-HB

I have always been an expressive person. I was raised in an expressive family. And the older I get, the more I realize that negative expressions are not good things (neither is guilt, however). We are to act, not to be acted upon. But what I am holding onto, lest guilt take over (which it easily can do) is that this is a process. I think the key is repentance and praying with all the energy of heart for charity to gradually infuse our souls. We need to quickly apologize (especially to our children, so they can learn that process and have fear replaced with love).

A friend of mine told me that her mother faced this challenge with anger for two decades. (Lovely. I am too impatient to wait that long!) I don’t think the Lord expects perfection. I don’t think He wants us to fester and explode. But clearly it’s not just the explosion of anger that is the problem. It’s also what leads us to that point.

So what I am wondering is how we might deal with the festering and fuming before it reaches explosion point? I’m not coming at this as someone who knows the answer, because I don’t. I need the answer. I like tricks like the monitor someone mentioned, which really is a reminder of important doctrine: that the Savior can always hear. What other tricks can we play on ourselves (sometimes that’s all we can do!) so we can better remember the Savior and choose some other emotion, a different perspective, whatever may help us step out of that moment when anger wants to possess us? I believe this is in part a skill that can be practiced. I think communication and asking for help might be part of the answer at times. I just would love a discussion about how to prevent getting to the point of explosion.

I appreciate those willing to share their struggles. I think this is actually one way to deal with this challenge: to not pretend it’s not there.

Sorry for the long comment….

I have a confession to make as far as anger goes (late hours are always conducive to confession, are they not?). I get horribly, terribly angry at our dog. I actually rage at the poor thing. Poop on the kitchen floor and chewed up flower plants simply send me over the edge. Perhaps I am oooozing anger all of the time, as Angie said, and the dog just bears the brunt of it.

Admittedly, I am not a dog person, which in itself is a bit of a fatal flaw. I would really like to be a dog person. My mother is a dog person, and so is her mother. The dog people I know are really wonderful individuals. My husband tells me dogs are great because they are so loving, but to me it just feels like they need affection all of the time, and I simply cannot stand one more thing needing something from me. I have set my face like a flint against those blasted brown puppy dog eyes!

So my challenge is, along with not being angry at my children (who also poop and chew flowers), to learn to love the dog. I actually feel that if I could climb that Everest, my other anger issues would resolve themselves.

Finding a way to breath in the feelings without exhaling with fire-breath. The decade of practice has certainly helped me get better, but I know I’ll be working on it my entire life.

Keeping a prayer in my heart has certainly become a real thing for me. I’m starting to understand what that means. Keeping my dialogue going with the Lord all day has helped a lot.

Now, two months later, he knows what I mean, and what I feel on a daily basis! There really is this unspoken, “You’re not allowed to feel angry or you’re a bad person/parent” rule that exists. I think knowing what triggers you, and being able to monitor your rising blood pressure are absolutely critical. I talk to myself throughout the day, because (yes, because I’m insane) it is a very real way of measuring my stress and anger level with myself. I know when I’m talking a million words a second and my tone and volume are getting agitated..it’s time to do something!!

Great post today Justine. Thanks.

Kathy, so wierd to hear yourself in your kids isn’t it?

Here’s my latest. I keep the baby moniter on 24/7. Every time I look at it, I know that someone else in the house can hear me. It has also occured to me that someone else in a neighboring house could potentially be on the same channel. Strangely, it has also reminded me that the Lord is always aware of what I’m doing.

Cooky, I know. But it works.