When I was ten I thought I would find a cure for cancer or come up with an Einstein-like formula! Pure hubris! But maybe feeling special helped me make better choices. Is that why the Lord designates us as his Chosen people?

Then I wanted to be an artist, a writer (I thought maybe I would be like a Mormon version of Chaim Potok), a dancer, and a teacher. I have gotten to dabble a tiny bit in each of those, but just in school, not professionally.

But mostly, I’ve always wanted to be a wife and mother. I’m finding, however, that I didn’t think I needed to prepare for those “natural” jobs. Now I wish schools weren’t afraid to support future mothers.

I have been blessed with five beautiful children and a wonderful husband. I have opportunities to create and grow. I don’t always use my time as well as I wish.

I also feel like my pb has guided me–and offers me direction of where to head once my children need me less!

I think my life’s true mission is different at different times. When I was in grad school, I really struggled with not knowing what my future was going to be. Then a professor spoke of how his career began and developed. He made the point that he had no plans to start a Social Work program at BYU, but that one experience after another led him there. It has helped me to remember that as time passes, things change, and I don’t have a full vision of my life ahead of me.

I would say I’ve gone back and forth with how I see my mission. When I was young, I just knew my mission would be motherhood. After serving a formal mission, I was given insights via blessings, impressions & such that I would have a career and marriage would come later. After adjusting to that idea, I got really excited about “saving the world” as a social worker. I never lost sight of the motherhood dream, but I did enjoy my career for quite a while (as I passed 35 with still no children, it became harder to be enthused about my career, though–that couldn’t be IT for me, you know?). Now I’m a Mommy and thrilled to have this be my focus at last.

I keep re-writing my thoughts on the future and coming up uncertain, so I think I’ll stop here.

Then I went to BYU where I decided to major in Art Education so I could get “a real job”. I wanted to teach high school art. Much to my embarassment, I didn’t get my degree.

Now many years later I’m glad I didn’t, because I don’t want to teach. I love my kids, I love being a mother, but I don’t necessarily love other people’s kids and don’t know that I’d want to be in a classroom with them all day long. Over time I’d probably develop a underlying animosity to the students because I could be at home painting my own work instead of teaching them. (Color me selfish)

Now I’m a SAHM with health issues, something I never imagined for myself (no one does). But I am finishing my degree through BYU’s BGS program. My goal is to become a therapist. I keep busy with writing, kids, and staying healthy. Those health issues make me tentative about long range goals though.

Because of the craziness of life and illness painting hasn’t been a huge part of my life and I miss it in a private, peaceful way. God whispers to me that it is such a part of who I am that I don’t need to fear being away from it for a while.

The public accolades of the world have never meant much to me, they are fleeting. For this reason even getting awards at church (YW recognition, gospel in action, etc.) for myself or my children has never appealed much to me. There is value in the accomplishment, not in the praise or arbitrary accolade. Enjoy the journey, the process, the learning. The process of life is interesting as we watch ourselves change and develop into a person we wouldn’t even recognize in the beginning.