Take a deep breath, and leap!

Posted by Shelah | September 25, 2009 | 20 Comments

By the time I hit my teens and had sat through enough Young Women lessons, I had my life pretty well planned out: I’d marry a returned missionary in the temple, graduate from college, have four kids, and stay home with them. Two decades later, my life looks a lot like the plan I envisioned as a teenager, right down to the family made up of two sons and two daughters. There haven’t been a lot of surprises– I married the boy I started dating when we were eighteen, he’s working in a field that’s a natural extension of the major he chose as a freshman in college, our kids arrived at regularly-spaced intervals, and our parents are all still healthy.

I realize that I’ve had an enviously easy, even boring, life, at least as far as the big-picture things go. Last year I watched a friend and her husband decide to uproot their school-age children and move to London for a work assignment that would certainly be an adventure, but also an upheaval of the predictable order of their lives. Another friend and her husband determined that the job prospects in his field wouldn’t be satisfying in the long run, and he’s now back in school, set to finish around the time his daughter graduates from high school. Still others have jumped back into the baby fray, years after the cribs were given away and the potty-training books packed up and stuffed in the attic.

Even though I haven’t had to make big leaps– no career changes or cabooses in my life (so far at least), I can identify with the sweaty-palmed, sleepless expectation that comes with small leaps of faith– “Do I really need to take on this new calling?” or “Seriously– another move across the country?” or “Can I handle both full-time work and graduate school?”– the kinds of questions that we all face from time to time. In Heather Oman’s personal essay, “Breathing,” published in the Summer 2009 issue of Segullah, she writes about a job she took as a college student, a job she didn’t want to take at first, that required a leap of faith and changed the course of her life:

It seemed ridiculous, preposterous, unthinkable to take their offer. Live with a family I hardly knew? Take care of medically fragile teenagers? Give up any semblance of a social life—for them? I told them I would have to think about it. They told me they needed an answer as soon as possible….

But sometimes it seems the Lord doesn’t really care what you want. He’s more interested in what needs to be done.

I pulled up to my apartment and turned off the ignition. I sat in the quiet car and looked down at my hands as I fidgeted with my keys. Facing graduation, I knew I needed to find a job, but was this the kind of job I wanted? What about a mission? I’d always wanted to serve a mission. I even had the packet of papers sitting in a drawer in my room, fresh from the bishop, ready to be filled out. Didn’t the Lord want missionaries?

I sat in the car so long I began to get cold. I looked up into the rearview mirror and said aloud, “OK. I’ll do it.”

Oman goes on to talk about the confidence she gained from her work, the way that it influenced her career path, and how staying close to the family she worked with has enriched her life. All because of a prompting heeded, and a leap taken.

What does a leap of faith feel like to you? What are leaps of faith you’ve taken in your life?

Category: Liken the Journal

Comments

20 Responses to “Take a deep breath, and leap!”

Just a Mom
September 25th, 2009 @ 10:34 am

As someone who thought she would never, ever divorce, no matter what, filing has been an earth-shattering leap of faith.
FoxyJ
September 25th, 2009 @ 10:49 am

We didn’t think we’d buy a house for a few more years; then we found something only two blocks away that is perfect. And we’re breaking a lot of the ‘rules’ for buying a home (going against a lot of advice we’ve been given), and it freaks me out, but for some reason we both feel strongly that we are supposed to be there and supposed to buy it. So I feel a bit like I’m taking a leap and I hope it work out.
Handsfullmom
September 25th, 2009 @ 11:22 am

Allowing children to come to our family (we’re expecting #8) even with the strange looks, unkind comments, and lack of support from some has been a leap of faith. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only woman on the planet with more than six kids.
Sarah in Georgia
September 25th, 2009 @ 11:45 am

I’ve been feeling this way lately. I made it through the education and marriage portion of my plan more or less as I expected (and looking back, certainly the right way for me and for us), but now the children portion of the plan isn’t happening as hoped for. In the middle of discussions with my husband on how to adjust those plans, out of the blue, the perfect job opportunity for me has come along. So now I am reevaluating plans to step out of my career for children, and we are considering the possibility of leaving our suburban family-style home with a fenced yard to live for three years in a big city.

Leaps of faith are scary, especially when, as with the comments above, plans deviate from what is “normal” or “acceptable.” One more reason I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost to let us know when those decisions are right for us and for our families.
mom in the mountains
September 25th, 2009 @ 12:05 pm

One of the biggest leaps of faith was right when I graduated college, looking for a teaching job. I looked everywhere in the country for a teaching job, and found one in a town thousands of miles away from my family, and from anybody I knew. But I felt very strongly I needed to take that job. So I packed up and moved. Excited, but terrified. I was single, with no prospects in the horizon, moving to a town with very few singles. I went to the small Institute program they had, and after a few weeks just knew that there was no hope for me here, either. And the job was miserable. I hated it. I had no friends at my school. I gave myself a year, and then I was going to be outta here! Then I was set up with my husband. And 9 weeks after we met, we became engaged, and two days later was notified that I would no longer have a job come the end of the school year. I am still living close to where I moved for the job, with a husband who would have never left the town to find his wife. I had to come to him, and the job was the means to an end.

It is amazing how often Heavenly Father requires huge leaps of faith, and as you follow them with one expectation of how things will turn out, things are never quite as expected. We’re learning now to trust the “Bus Driver” as we’re experiencing more “leap of faith” experiences right now. It’s terrifying, yet comforting knowing that things will eventually work out the way they’re supposed to. On His time-line. And He knows the roads, the bumps, the detours. Apparently, we need the detours right now. But we’ll get there. And until then, we’ll just “take a deep breath, and leap!”
Kaye
September 25th, 2009 @ 12:19 pm

I find every day requires a leap of faith. Or should I say, once you leap out of bed, it requires kneeling.
anon
September 25th, 2009 @ 12:36 pm

Leaps of Faith stories always end so well. With trepidation and foreboding we leap into the unknown and our life opens up with wonderful possibilities and adventures…

But what about the failed leaps, especially one that turns out to be so wrong that it puts your life on a course that reverberates for decades? Without any details that is my leap of faith story. By even the most charitable and generous measure I would have been better off staying the course and not leaping.
Shelah
September 25th, 2009 @ 12:46 pm

Anon– I think you raise a really important point. There are lots of times where we can see the results of our leaps of faith, and other times where we seem to fall on our faces.

When I was in college, I decided to spend a summer working in Belgium. It was a big leap for me– moving to another country where I didn’t speak the language especially well and didn’t know anyone. I kept thinking that the experience would change my life– I’d meet someone I’d influence or someone who would influence me or go I’d onto a career as a French professor, something…

Anyway, the summer was hard. I spent a few weeks living by myself in a big, scary, empty house (then ended up moving in with a family in the branch who took pity on me). The job pretty much sucked. I didn’t build lasting relationships with any of the people I met. It was just a lonely summer far away from home.

But I guess I learned to rely on myself, and that I could handle hard challenges. But that’s not nearly as sexy a story as if I met some handsome Belgian on a train and got swept off my feet now, is it?
m&m
September 25th, 2009 @ 2:48 pm

I think to anon’s point, sometimes leaps of faith don’t have endings, at least not yet. I think those can be the hardest of all.

But I don’t think that means that they were failures. We measure by time, but God sees beyond the limits of time. Faith isn’t always a linear thing — do this, get that — sometimes it’s about holding on even when it seems like everything is nothing but chaos, or failure.

I think our SS lessons on pioneers as of late can give us some good ideas. Imagine what it must have been like to go for years with failed attempts at a Zion, temples built with bare hands and all the money they didn’t have, only to keep having to move on.

And then they get to the valley, and start a new temple. Nearly a decade into it, they had to tear out the foundation that they had suffered and sacrificed to build…and had to start all over again. It took them longer than a good chunk of us have been alive to have the fruits of their faith finally come to fruition.

I hold onto that story when it feels like faith isn’t yielding what I thought it would/should. The long, long process to get the saints to their Zion (where they still faced decades of trial along the way) is an inspiration to me.
mormonhermitmom
September 25th, 2009 @ 3:46 pm

Is it odd that I think of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when he takes a deep breath and takes a step into what seems like a long drop? And then nearly has a heart attack because he DIDN’T plunge to his death after all?
m&m
September 25th, 2009 @ 4:21 pm

#10. Good one.
Selwyn
September 25th, 2009 @ 4:24 pm

My leaps of faith feel like hanging onto ropes suspended over a big scary pit. The struggle is between knowing that I am doing what my answered prayers said and trusting that it will all work out – no matter how unlikely it seems from where I’m (literally) hanging.

My leaps of faith have been converting to the gospel, working, waiting to have my second son, and most recently applying to university.

Mormonhermitmom – I identify with Indy’s near heart attack! So many times I’ve leapt, with the greatest shock being actually surviving the experience =)
teki
September 25th, 2009 @ 4:45 pm

Wow, m&m, I really needed to be reminded of that story (#9). I’m still waiting for a happy ending for my leap of faith (starting my own business 18 mo. ago). I’m really struggling and have many days where I feel discouraged, but deep down I still feel a calmness and peace that it was the right decision. Thank you for the inspirational/motivational boost I needed!
jendoop
September 25th, 2009 @ 5:20 pm

Shelah, I’m amazed to meet someone who hasn’t had a big leap! We get shoved around so often we just expect it now. Our attitude is that our lives are firmly in the Lord’s hands, it must be because we’d never choose to do it this way!

Are you sure you aren’t giving yourself credit for what you’ve been through? My friend says she’s never had “leaps” but she was a RS pres and her husband has Crohns disease. I’d call those life changers.

I have to admit that I get worried for leaps that are coming. My parents are still living, two grandparents are still living. Preparations for the leaps we know will come is important too.
Tiffany W.
September 25th, 2009 @ 7:28 pm

I think that anon has made a very interesting point. Two years ago, when my husband was applying for jobs, we hoped beyond all hope that he would get the job that was closest to our families. We had lived abroad for 5 1/2 years and were ready to have the kids connect with relatives. Our shock came when he was not offered that job, but rather the one farthest away. It required faith to move knowing that it wasn’t exactly what we wanted. Our two years living in New York have been among the hardest we have experienced. My husband and I have often felt bruised and battered from the experience. I felt that it has been a much more difficult experience than moving to Sweden. I’ve questioned the decision to move, but it is only now, nearly two years later, that I’m starting to see the reasons for the move. We’ve experienced some very difficult trials, but I hang onto the hope that Heavenly Father does have a plan for us. I’m sure that we won’t fully understand all the reasons why we had to move here, but I know they are there.

I believe that we don’t always fully understand or even see the full range of the consequences of our leaps of faith. It takes time–sometimes even decades of not knowing. Taking a leap of faith does not exempt us from trials or hard periods. But I really do believe that in the end we’ll see the reasons for those leaps.
wendy
September 25th, 2009 @ 10:50 pm

The first memory that came to my mind was when I chose to do an internship out of state in grad school. Another was getting married. Both experiences had intense amounts of fear involved, and I really had to rely on very brief but strong impressions that I was making a good choice . . . you know, between panic attacks and crying my eyes out.

I really like others’ notions of what the phrase “leap of faith” can include.

Oh, and I LOVED Heather’s essay.
al
September 25th, 2009 @ 11:06 pm

Becoming a member of the church. Big one for me.

I thought I was sacrificing things from my life to become a Mormon. Not even close. Accepting His sacrifice gave me everything.

Before I was baptized an old lady said to me, “This is the best decision you’ll ever make in your entire life.” She was right.
Gabrielle
September 25th, 2009 @ 11:54 pm

Sometimes leaps can be mistakes. I think the challenge then is to try, try, try to let your Savior catch you instead of falling endlessly into bitterness and despair.
Molly in the Jello Belt
September 27th, 2009 @ 10:06 pm

I did one of those “mistake leaps.” I went for a degree in a field I had no interest in because I felt like I’d been given direct personal revelation to do it. I spent my entire education years dreading it. Then I got a job, and still dreaded it, but because it was a revelation, I stuck with it. I fasted and prayed and did everything I could to change my attitude.

It eventually blew up in my face. I lost my job, my house, my testimony, and my sanity and ended up on anti-depressants to deal with what I’d done to myself in the name of faith.

After several years, Gabrielle’s brilliant insight kicked in, and I let the Savior catch me. In hindsight, I had to have that breakdown for a variety of complex reasons I can’t summarize in a comment. I believe I had that revelation precisely because God knew I needed to crash before I could have the mighty change of heart that would bring me joy and make life worth living. God looked around and picked a career that would cause me to crash faster and harder than any other career that I could have dragged out for another decade or so.

More than a decade after making that terrible mistaken leap, I count it as a good thing. I never want to go through anything like it ever again, but I’m glad I got through it that one time.
Malisa
September 28th, 2009 @ 5:58 pm

It was interesting to read Shelah’s experiences. I have felt the same way – that my life has basically gone according to the plan. No big “leap of faith” here. I recognize that most around me don’t feel this way.

I’ve just watched a few dear friends make some very big, inspired changes. It has been difficult for them, but also rewarding. My way of thinking is that at least God has a purpose for them.

With the stage I’m at in life (being done with having kids), I feel in need of some type of change. I’m not wishing trials on myself, but I feel so stagnant. I’m not being asked to take a leap or anything for that matter. I wonder if God may have forgotten about me since I’ve accomplished what I set out to do.

So, I’m waiting and hoping that if/when the day comes that I get to leap, I’ll be willing.