I think that the way I am helps other to be bald, too. So, I think that by BEING bald we encourage and enable others, too!

Remember the Skin Horse’s words about being real (from the “Velveteen Rabbit”)?

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

For me, having a friend means being understood, and being understood means risking that the truth about myself will be loved and accepted. This is not to say that I just throw my deepest thoughts and feelings out there to everyone. I choose friends I can trust and then…I trust them. With myself.

By the way, I didn’t used to do this. In fact, my “everything-is-just-fine-thanks” face was so convincing that even I believed it. Now that I’ve been around over half a century life has disabused me of that notion. (I’m not always a quick learner, lol.)

Of course, it’s easier to share yourself with others if you like yourself enough to think that they will, too. To those who are their own biggest critics, I’d like to say that it’s never too late to make a new friend: YOU!

I think I have shared this thought at Segullah before, but think it is worth sharing again. It was shared with me some years ago by a friend. When we compare ourselves to someone we consider to be less than us, we are being prideful. When we compare ourselves with someone we consider to be superior to ourselves, we are selling ourselves short. Either way we LOSE.

It takes time to open ourselves up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, especially in situations where we don’t know people as in a new ward or a newly organized ward. I love the way new converts are so open. I think that is why missionary work is so important to the church and particularly our wards because it keeps things “real”. The more that people are open and real encourages more to do the same.

When raising my children I openly shared my unwise choices as a young person with them as they were growing up, not pretending that I was something I wasn’t. Kids see right through phony righteousness, and likewise I think our brothers and sisters in the gospel can see it as well. I believe our spirits are way more connected to each other than we realize and the church face perpetuates something that our spirits know is not real. The only way to be is genuine, the real thing and yes that makes us vulnerable, but with the Savior at our side it can take the sting out of this hard fact. I agree with many commenters that we can get so busy and tired and whatever that we lose that realness in our lives. I appreciate this thread of discussion and it is reminding and encourageing me to keep my life “real”.

I think I am open with my church sisters when I feel it is safe. Which is the problem isn’t it? Because I don’t think I feel safe often. My husband is employed by the church which gives people weird expectations about us. They think we are perfect because of his job. People assume things, like that we come from perfect LDS homes. When the reality is both of our parents are divorced (some more that once!) Our kids are expected to be perfect also.

I am often compelled to stay closed because of these false expectations. It is like I have to prove I have challenges/problems like everyone else does. And who wants to go around waving their challenges/problems for all to see. I worry if I said what I’m really thinking sometimes sisters would be put off. A couple of weeks ago while she was setting up the room for Relief Society the Pres said something to me in a joking way that really bugged me, I was already having a hard day and it was the ‘last straw’ so I left the room. She was surprised that I left, thought I was joking. I told my husband later that she would have never said that to someone who was ‘less active’ but expected me to just laugh along. And maybe I should have, but I was having a hard day. But it hard to be real, everyone expects so much more.

But, when I am open I think it allows others to be open also, and bonds can be created, friendships made.

I think if I try to be more real myself, share my thoughts and struggles maybe others will feel safe enough to share also.

Thanks for sharing this and giving me something else to think about (this is good, I like thinking!)

love it.