I’m a latecomer to the whole smartphone party; I got my first iphone just a couple of years ago. I have certainly made up for lost time, though. I especially love to keep track of friends (both real and virtual) through social media. I find it all harmless fun but I’ve been hearing more and more about the issues grown women are having with it. Both as a friend and as a Relief Society President I’m getting teary calls from women I know who feel bad about not being invited to a party or get-together that they’ve seen plastered all over Instagram and Facebook.
Not being invited to a party is a conundrum that has faced girls and women probably since Eve threw the first harvest celebration and forgot to include one of her granddaughters. I remember crying at being left out and the same thing happens to my daughters. Nobody wants to feel unpopular and not included. In the olden days when I was a girl, you’d hear about a birthday party you weren’t inveted to through the grapevine. Or maybe you wouldn’t. But now every lunch date and bunco party is documented for the world to see.
Part of me wants to tell women who call me with their feelings hurt that this is just part of life. We’ll never be invited to everything. Somebody will invariably get crossed off the guest list. It’s part of being the human beings that we are.
But then I stop to think about it and get angry. Why do some women feel the need to put pictures up knowing that other women, including their sisters in the gospel, will see them and feel bad? Are they ignorant? Do they not care? Do they just think, “be a big girl and deal with it! If you’re sad, that’s your problem.”
So in case you didn’t know this, let me enlighten you: when you put a picture up on Social Media that shows you and a few other people having fun, somebody will feel bad that they weren’t invited. For whatever reason, people will be sad that they weren’t there too. Take it as a compliment—people want to be with you!
If you want to brag (and let’s face it, a lot of the time it’s bragging) about the great meal you ate, how about just taking a picture of the food? Or a selfie with the restaurant sign in the background? Do you really have to prove to the world again and again that you are popular? (This isn’t high school!)
The thing we forget about social media is that there are so many opportunities to interact. No, we are not having deep conversations but there is an opportunity to build people up and there is an opportunity to tear people down. Even in one or two sentences.
Sometimes I look at Facebook in a bad mood and I feel like posting the responses to people that I really feel, “Your kids are ugly”, “you are such an idiot for voting the way you do” and “I hate dogs and they have certainly never left paw prints on my heart”. But I don’t. Because I want to be remembered as someone who had something kind or encouraging to say. (Although let’s face it, mostly I say snarky things but hopefully people will remember that I had a good sense of humor.)
My point is this: we are responsible for the things we say to others, and the feelings that we create by the pictures and updates we post. Do you teach your children to be kind and respect the feelings of other people, or do you tell them that how other kids feel is not their problem? I’m guessing that you teach your kids to consider the feelings of others; we should do the same. Yes, the reactions of other people are their own. We aren’t responsible for the feelings of the women around us; but I don’t want people to feel bad about themselves because of the things I post. Do you?