Our Children Can’t Have Coats!

Posted by Carina | January 25, 2010 | 46 Comments

Right around the time when I was starting to get into the rhythm of the speaker’s talk, my 2 year old lost it. His brother, having stolen the black crayon, affected a wide-eyed innocent look that I scarcely had time to enjoy before I whisked the 2 year old out of the chapel. We walked around the building to cool off, playing our favorite game (Find Jesus in The Painting; it’s a classic!) The closing prayer delivered, the chapel clearing, I delivered the babe to nursery and went back to find my husband and 6 year old. They were still on the pew, engaged in a mutual emotional meltdown. Icy, red-eyed stares with a side order of growling, and the 6 year old in tears. I dismissed the child to Primary with a long hug and a few kind words.
“They can’t have coats anymore!” said my husband, as the pews around us emptied.
“What?”
“Our children can’t bring coats anymore!”
“Why is that?” I asked, eyebrows raising at the suggestion that my babies would be let out into our mid-winter tundra without coats.
“When you left, 6 year old started misbehaving! He kept putting his coat on me and bugging me with it! He would stop messing around! It was so annoying,” He quietly thundered.
“So…he wouldn’t stop touching you with his coat?”
“YES! It was so annoying!”
“You mean, you allowed him to annoy you with his coat?”
“They can’t have coats anymore!”
“OK. How about sometimes we hang them up before we go inside?”
“If we ever get here early enough to do that, I guess that would work. He’s just so disrespectful and disruptive!”
“He’s six.”
“I’ve had it with him and his attitude! He’s always forgetting to whisper!”
“OK,” I said passively, trying not to laugh.
“And they cannot sit next to each other! You have to sit between them!” They must be separated!”
“Mmmm,” I said, noncommittally, wondering how it became my job to wrestle alone with the babies during church while he sat quietly trying to enjoy the service. I resolved to let that one go.
“We ask a lot of our children,” my mom said a little later, “We ask them to be quiet for more than an hour in a confined space.” I nodded in agreement.
“Every week I’d ask you all to sit quietly for fifteen minutes, sometimes twenty” said my mom, “Sometimes you could do it, and sometimes I said maybe we’d just try for next week.”
I thought our family had been doing pretty well, to tell you the truth. Yes, I still have to take the 2 year old out, but perhaps only twice a month. It’s been more than a year since I was reduced to tears while trying to manage the rigmarole of Sacrament Meeting. A great deal of that confidence came from one of the general authority’s talks; the one where he comes across a young mother in the foyer trying to control her children, and his advice was to enjoy it because this stage went so quickly. So that’s what I resolved to do.

I have little children. I don’t even have a real baby-baby right now. We’re going to have meltdowns, we’re going to forget to whisper, someone’s crayon is going to get stolen, a coat will be rubbed on someone, an elbow will land on a rib, that cracker is going to bounce away, but I’m going to love it. I don’t usually get to listen to the talks anyway because someone needs a book to read, or a letter outlined. I already expect a lot out of my kids, but there are limits to their abilities. I’m OK with that. Someday I’ll be able to listen. I probably wouldn’t have liked the talks anyway, what with the invented doctrines and misinterpretations that sometimes saunter their way across the pulpit–it’s probably even better for my blood pressure that I don’t hear anything. Someday I’ll even be able to pick and pout over the noisy children next to me (although I hope I don’t.) And someday, I won’t have anyone to sit next to and I’ll long for an interruption of my worshipful monotony.

So shh, the children are still going to wear coats to church.

Category: Slice of Life, weekend rants

Comments

46 Responses to “Our Children Can’t Have Coats!”

Giggles
January 25th, 2010 @ 4:37 pm

Love it!

My favorite kid-in-sacrament event happened a few years ago. Just as the closing prayer started, the child, no more than 2 years old, grabbed one of those tubes of yogurt and squeezed. The yogurt flew, over three rows behind the family and diagonally across the center section, to splat on my shoulder and the people behind me. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud in the middle of the prayer. It was the most random thing in the world.

As soon as the prayer ended the mother came rushing back with baby wipes to help us all clean up and kept apologizing. I told her there was nothing to worry about, that I was just amazed that something like that could even happen.

Children are children. It’s what they do.
bth
January 25th, 2010 @ 4:45 pm

Sorry, but to me this post speaks to me more about the ultimatums Dads tend to throw out there. Lately my DH has been on one about how lazy our kids are because he’s pretty sure when he was our oldest’s age he was doing dishes by himself. (Our oldest is nine. And I betcha his mom was rewashing pots and pans, at best, and if he really did dishes by himself, I doubt it was a daily thing, he was #4 of 5 siblings.) Our kids do dishes with a parent helping. It’s my version of quality control.

My own dad used to say things like “This is the last time we have ice cream in this house! You kids better shape up or ship out!” Problem was that my dad loved ice cream more than we did. If our freezer ever had less than two containers of ice cream in it, my dad would go out and get more.
Mary P.
January 25th, 2010 @ 4:47 pm

When my sister-in-law was little, her mother bought some special (and cheap!) tiny chairs for the girls to use when they “played church.” She practiced with them until they could sit quietly for longer and longer spans of time.

I hope I have that kind of patience and work-ethic now that I’m starting my own family!
FoxyJ
January 25th, 2010 @ 4:54 pm

For me, being quiet is more important than sitting still. Neither of my kids will actually sit still on the bench and I doubt either of them listens, but they’re quiet and usually don’t disturb anyone around them (they’re 6 and 3 and I take them by myself). They are allowed to kneel by the bench but I have banned any sort of lying down on the floor. The worst thing that has happened to me lately was my little guy peeing right through his pull-up, his pants, and the padded chair he was sitting on! We’d been rushing to make it to 9 AM church and forgot to have him actually go potty before leaving the house. I blotted it up with paper towels and didn’t know what else to do.

What I’m nervous about is the fact that I’m having a baby soon and I’m not sure how that’s going to spice things up. Better start making some friends in my new ward soon.

This post makes me laugh too because I have gotten in these kinds of silly fights with my kids and I always have to step back and think “wait a second, I’m the grownup here!” It’s easy to forget
jenny
January 25th, 2010 @ 5:08 pm

Oh boy.
Can SO relate. I’m a mom with 4 boys and 1 girl. The youngest turned 8 today! {+ yikes, means I’m getting old too… bummer} This is the first year that I have *really* been able to listen to most of the talks since I first started having babies.
You are a wise woman in your resolve to just enjoy it.
That’s my advice too.
Natalie
January 25th, 2010 @ 5:23 pm

Oh boy! I would probably cuss out my husband but that wouldn’t be the proper thing to do anyway.

I can’t so much relate. But I am a baby snatcher in church — I always ask permission but I can barely sit still for an hour — let alone a child. So I play with the baby and we’re both happy.
Caroline
January 25th, 2010 @ 5:27 pm

It interesting that you chose to write this as if your husband was also a child. I wish my husband could sit with me, but he has to be at the church at 6 a.m. for bishopric and then he spends his time on the stand.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can and I’m not sure you needed to say more on the topic. Maybe this is suppose to be funny? It is hard with these posts sometimes to get the humor, but it seems unsympathetic to your husband. I always enjoy it when the roles are reversed an my spouse gets aggravated in the same sort of ridiculous way that I do sometimes, because children are like that sometimes.

Caroline
Angela T.
January 25th, 2010 @ 5:47 pm

Delightful post, Carina.
It made me smile.
Justine
January 25th, 2010 @ 5:55 pm

aren’t we all children? I mean, really? I know I need to be parented sometimes. Because sometimes I still act like a kid. Sometimes my husband does (I lOVE it when he makes broad sweeping ‘un-funded’ mandates)

But it’s my turn sometimes to act like a bratty kid – it’s actually currently my turn because I’m trying to potty train our three year old, and there’s nothing that makes me feel like cursing more than potty training. I feel like cursing right now in fact, because I’m sure there’s a puddle somewhere in the house that I don’t know about yet.
Melissa M.
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:06 pm

This was a delightful post, Carina, and yes, Caroline, this post is supposed to be funny. =)
Carina
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:12 pm

Melissa, you inadvertently witnessed this interaction, did you not? Heehee.
jks
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:22 pm

I find that sometimes when I am grumpy/angry with my kids, my husband manages to be patient. And when he is impatient and grumpy it is easier for me to be objective and see that he is over-reacting and then I get to come off as the rational one.
That is how I see this post. Totally normal.
Michelle L.
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:22 pm

love this post Carina! Few things have made me question my Mormonism like Sacrament Meeting with rowdy kids. All my relatives are Catholic and Protestant and they can’t even fathom taking children to the main service. They have a nursery for everyone under 10.

And the broad sweeping statements? My hubby likes to make those too. As do I. “We are never ever ever ever buying crackers again!”
Selwyn
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:40 pm

Broad sweeping statements are to adults what temper tantrums are to two year olds.

Thanks for the reminder Carina to enjoy the moment, however the moment comes delivered!
Melissa M.
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:54 pm

Lol, Carina. I saw you in deep discussion, and it looked quite serious, but I had no idea just how serious it was. You looked perfectly unruffled, by the way. =)
Carina
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:56 pm

I was perfectly unruffled, even slightly bemused. Then again, I didn’t have a Kindergartner putting his coat on me. I guess when you deal with that type of Hell, all bets are off.
jendoop
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:57 pm

This sounds so familiar. Recognizing the age appropriate behaviors for children goes a long way. My husband wasn’t around his younger siblings much as a teenager, so he’s a little distant from what realistic expectations are. Sometimes I have to do what you did Carina, except usually later we talk about the coat statement and laugh. My husband is great at helping me laugh at things I want to get mad over.

I’m not sure I’ll ever enjoy Sac. mtg with kids, I’m too uptight about disturbing others and I want to think about the Savior during the sacrament. But I do enjoy my kids at other times.
April
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:58 pm

When I had my third baby I left my 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 year olds with my husband during sacrament meeting while I went to nurse my baby. I am still not sure what went down. I just know that my 3 1/2 year old did something unforgivable in my husbands eyes and my husband took him by the arm and draged him out while my 3 1/2 year old yelled, let me go, ouch you are hurting me, all the way out. Two weeks later He stood up on the pew, in the middle of sacrament, arms outstreched and yelled, Buzz Lightyear to infinity and beyond.
Just the other day while he was sitting so quietly next to the Bishopric, after he passed the Sacrament, I was thinking I missed those days.
jendoop
January 25th, 2010 @ 6:58 pm

Carina you posted while I was posting, you made me laugh.
rookie cookie
January 25th, 2010 @ 7:32 pm

Well posted. Nicely done.

Thanks for the reminder of how I should feel about this time in my life. And hey, someday I won’t have the excuse to leave the chapel during Sister Nickerson’s 30 minute “testimony”.
bek
January 25th, 2010 @ 7:43 pm

Carina,

I forgot how much I like you! We also have the same struggles in church (all young families do) and there are times when I am just want to stand up and apologize to the whole room. Our pews have a space between where the seat and back meet, so the crayons always roll down and fall into the space behind us. That usually causes a stir.

Yesterday, the elderly gentleman sitting behind us leaned over and said “well, you made it”. It is always the last 15 mintues that do us in.
she-bop
January 25th, 2010 @ 8:52 pm

I was just thinking about how quickly this too will pass. My youngest is 16. Last Sunday there was a cute family seated in front of us. Two young daughters, and a mom who was so frusterated with how loud she thought they were. And in my mind I was thinking how well behaved they were. After Sacrament meeting I told her how cute her girls were and how fun they were to watch – reminded me of us just a little bit ago. She couldn’t accept that they were being ok. She kept repeating how sorry she was that they were so disruptive. What she has yet to see, is how fast that stage ends. And then you struggle just to get them to show up to church at all!
she-bop
January 25th, 2010 @ 8:54 pm

And husbands – that’s another story. I finally had to ban Sharpies because they smell. He likes to doodle. Says he listens better. Ok, but NO to smelly pens!
Rose
January 25th, 2010 @ 10:32 pm

Lol! That just made my night Yesterday one of my sons called their Grandpa with my cell phone in the middle of sacrament meeting, and we were sitting on the front row in the chapel where everyone could see! I was horrified, but I guess most of the congregation probably didn’t even notice being too busy being horrified by what their own children were doing.
Melissa
January 26th, 2010 @ 12:15 am

Oh my goodness, your husband is too funny. Did he ever get that he was being silly? I’m glad you had a good laugh. It does all pass far to quickly. I was sad to see something that you wrote so matter-of-factly in your post…

“I probably wouldn’t have liked the talks anyway, what with the invented doctrines and misinterpretations that sometimes saunter their way across the pulpit–it’s probably even better for my blood pressure that I don’t hear anything.”

It sounds like that happens a lot which makes me sad. If that kind of thing goes unchecked, it would be hard to sit and listen. I hope it’s not as bad as it sounds.
m&m
January 26th, 2010 @ 1:04 am

Broad sweeping statements are to adults what temper tantrums are to two year olds.

Excellent.

All I can say is they DO grow up quickly.

So I love it, Carina. Soak up their littleness. (And will you soak up a little for me, too? I sometimes ache for that littleness.)
carina
January 26th, 2010 @ 4:05 am

Melissa, it’s certainly not as bad as it sounds. Sometimes people get possessed by imagination; there are the days it makes you laugh and the days it makes you shake. I have fewer of both days since I simply can’t listen like I used to. Amen.
Kay
January 26th, 2010 @ 7:04 am

We have all been there. We do expect too much of children at church, end of discussion really. Most people with children know that, although some have forgotten. I ignore any glares from others, if they don’t like what I do they can come and help. We tend to be good in our ward at sharing children around too. I am happy to have my childrens friends come and sit with us, as well as some of my primary class. The more the merrier sometimes. Being the Bishop, my husband has no problem with noisy children, it is the chatty adults that drive him mad.

I also think primary lasts too long. Quite frankly if I had my way I would keep my class of 5 year olds with me instead of taking them to music, sharing time and closing exercises. We would have lunch together then go and play outside.
Coffinberry
January 26th, 2010 @ 7:32 am

Two thoughts: (1) yes, they do grow out of it. I remember wondering, when my three boys were under the age of 6, if we would ever sit quietly through sacrament meeting. Now the youngest son blessed the sacrament for the first time last Sunday… the older two get themselves to their own wards. It is very quiet in our row now. (2) When we went through that phase you describe, and had such an episode — o yes we did for sure — I learned that my husband lacked the ‘tools’ for dealing with the kids. So we deliberately searched out information for him to use when kids did kid things. Some guys just like knowing what tools are in the tool chest that they can use when their kids need training. May I suggest you offer your husband some tools?
Holly Lesue
January 26th, 2010 @ 9:16 am

I love it. As hard as it is right trying to balance three, one being 10 weeks old, I know I want to savor these moments. I just need to remember that.

Oh, and Inez could not whisper to save her life.
Claudia
January 26th, 2010 @ 9:55 am

I’m really glad I don’t have to wrestle with kids in church any more. Still, I was amazed that sacrament meeting was such a hassle. There was a time wen the meeting was 90 minutes long. The awful truth that we don’t talk about is that adults have shorter attention spans than children.

I guess everyone has to find their own way. But I couldn’t help but wonder why you make your task so much more difficult than it needs to be with food, books, crayons etc. to monitor and keep track of. Less always worked best for me along with the sure knowledge they had that I would take them home or to the car where they could practice sitting still and being quiet.
La Yen
January 26th, 2010 @ 10:26 am

No matter how loud the kids are, we can always hear the High Councilor yell “Orale!” over the pulpit. Such are the joys of a Latin Ward.
Caroline
January 26th, 2010 @ 10:48 am

I forgot how “insider” this site was, which is why I stopped reading the posts on a regular basis. Glad you all know and LOVE one another. I don’t think your post was funny.
Lindsay
January 26th, 2010 @ 10:56 am

I gave up on trying to keep my kid sitting still. As long as she is quiet, I’m good.

Loved the part about your husband “he’s touching me with his coat.” I probably would have said something like “and he might look at you too!” but that probably wouldn’t have helped.
Dovie
January 26th, 2010 @ 11:30 am

Caroline,

I only know one person on this site and that is by mere coincidence, and that person I don’t know very well, but still I feel like I belong… I don’t always agree with all the things written, but my voice just like the others belongs.

This blog was started as a outgrowth of the Journal that bears the same name. It was started by a group of women that knew each other, who knew other women, hence the familiarity. I don’t share the familiarity, but I am a woman trying to live my life within the framework of my faith and so I belong. I think it is a place to share our diverse perspectives.

I don’t think Carina was intending any true disrespect of her husband. At the same time I understand that from your perspective she should be grateful that she has a husband to sit next to her and that these things are best handled privately between husband and wife. That is a valid perspective feel free to share it, but at the same time don’t judge harshly the humor that Carina found and wanted to share with us, from her vantage point. I’m she like you is a good women, trying to live the gospel and do the best that she can in her situation, while finding a little humor along the way.
Stepper
January 26th, 2010 @ 11:56 am

Oh, Carina! Thank you so much for posting this. The season of small children is too-brief. Mine are both still so small – but it already feels so fleeting. And overwhelming, both!

And I haven’t even started with coats, yet!
TRACI
January 26th, 2010 @ 3:12 pm

Great FUNNY, LAUGHT OUT LOUD post! When I was a kid, there was on the outside, Great grandma, then mom, my youngest sister, my grandma, me, my great aunt. If you misbehaved – they squeezed you quiet – hahahahaha.

Inside – well, im in ohio, non mormon, no kids, and i feel just as part of everyone – because i come every day and get to know you ladies!

My dad always thot everything was over the top!
Cork
January 26th, 2010 @ 3:55 pm

@Caroline: I am a 27-year old single male and “insider” this is not. It’s funny, it’s relevant, and it’s warm.
ashlee
January 26th, 2010 @ 4:22 pm

ah. i expect more of my children than is fair. i needed this reminder. thanks!
Mommie Dearest
January 26th, 2010 @ 5:26 pm

“Squeezed you quiet” HAHAHA–I want to see what that looks like.
I’m a devout lurker at Segullah blog and I think it’s sweet to see the occasional glimpse of insider familiarity.
jen
January 26th, 2010 @ 6:58 pm

Carina-

Great post! I need to remember to enjoy these times- they do pass too quickly!

I have three little ones,5,3 and 2, and my husband is overseas right now. A few weeks ago at church, my two yr old son was squirming, and just as I was geting ready to take him out, he chucked his hot wheels car which flew a few pews in front of us and hit an investigator in the back! I was so embarrassed! My sister and brother in law had actually brought the woman ( a neighbor of theirs). I quickly got up, grabbed the car and apologized. I talked to her after and she said no worries, she had children and grandchildren.. but I still was mortified!

I am greatful for my ward, and always try to sit near people who will help with my older girls if I need to step out! Makes it a little easier being there on my own!
Caroline
January 26th, 2010 @ 8:10 pm

Dovie:

Thanks for your kind response. Segullah I suppose will on occasion feel to insider to those of us who stumbled upon it. Carina I meant no disrespect I think from my vantage point I had a hard time understanding the humor and I honestly read it the first time as a disparragement of your husband. I see from others response that my humor bone is off.
Caroline
January 27th, 2010 @ 1:22 pm

so the personal attack on me was acceptable until I responded?
Dovie
January 27th, 2010 @ 8:53 pm

Caroline,

My guess that neither comment was o.k. I know from her comments that moderator is also mother among many other things. I have noticed that when the topic is possibly more controversial she moderates pretty much constantly. (see Novembers up close posts) Since this was not a super controversial topic she probably just checked in now and again and when she noticed the bit of bad and fourth she deleted those lines of comment from both. Had you not said anything to the person taking a swipe at you I think there is a good chance it would have been removed or the commenter would have received a public reproof from the moderator.
Johnna
January 27th, 2010 @ 9:00 pm

Is Segullah an insider blog? As an insider, I don’t consider it so.

But on the other hand, it is true that although I hate television commercials featuring husbands who bumble with laundry, I enjoyed the humor in this post and didn’t take it as any denigration of her husband because I have read hundreds of blog posts by this author.

And as webmaster and general staffer, I apologize for what is apparently comment moderation not perfectly executed. Comment moderation is a time-consuming job requiring nuance, which I why I mostly stick with coding.

That said, let any further commenting relate to the post, or be deleted. Direct metacommentary to webmaster dot segullah at gmail.
LAURA
January 29th, 2010 @ 3:32 pm

I certainly don’t know anyone who writes for this blog, and I don’t feel like an outsider. I am LDS, but older and a working grandma. I’ve lived in 15 wards in 35 years, in seven states and Germany, and currently live in Provo. I have seen and/or experienced nearly everything I read on this blog. I really appreciate the great job the writers do, and usually love the comments section as well. Keep up the good work. We are all doing the best we can.