There were a zillion reasons to say “No.” I can’t pronounce “Segullah.” I don’t even run around the block, let alone finish full marathons. I’m too old. And while I’m fairly certain I can write better than a number of the reporters at a certain local newspaper, I can’t hold a candle to many of the bloggers I know. But the invitation to join the Segullah board and help with the blog was extended and eventually I said “Yes.”
I had no idea what would be expected, but I was clear about one thing: I did not want to post on Wednesdays.
Since Fall of ‘06, the wonderfully clever, creative, entertaining and fresh-voiced C-Jane practically owned Wednesdays at Segullah. I could always count on her to provoke me into enough thought for the rest of the week. But Courtney became with child (Hooray!) and chose to retire. Then December came and the über-talented Carina wrote Wednesdays. Of course she did not disappoint.
So when Maralise asked me to take Wednesdays in January I outwardly groaned.
Those were some pretty stylin’ heels to follow, even on just a temporary basis. Simply put, I knew I was not worthy of Wednesdays.
Nevertheless I humbly agreed and promptly started thinking. I wondered if it were possible I wasn’t the only one who deprecates herself to the point of failing to recognize and maybe even to appreciate and fully use her gifts? (Am I ungrateful because I cannot even bring myself to use the word “talent?”)
I already knew the answer. I cannot tell you how many times I have grabbed the shoulders of one of the remarkable and talented women I know, looked her in the eyes and said, “If only you could see yourself through the eyes of those around you.”
Perhaps we struggle so because we are trying to reconcile two seemingly contradictory qualities: humility and excellence. I considered both.
Humility. Are we under the impression it is somehow vain or prideful to recognize our strengths and talents? Does humility truly require that of us–that we fail to acknowledge capabilities with which the Lord has blessed us?
Excellence. In our quest for excellence and perfection do we sometimes fail to appreciate the need for the simply competent? In a world seemingly full of Polly Perfects is there a place for a Merely Adequate Maria?
Does the possibility surety that others may be better at something than we are completely negate the fact that we are at the very least capable?
All this led me to wonder, “Do we–the women of our faith–need a 12-step program to help us stop beating ourselves up and begin acknowledging our gifts, talents and qualities?”
I’ll start: My name is Dalene and I’m a good writer. (I cannot begin to tell you how hard that was, but don’t even think I’m letting you off the hook. Keep reading.)
Next I wondered if our reluctance to recognize our gifts sometimes prevented us from using them for good?
I was reminded of my first month out in the mission field. Soon after I arrived in Herstal, Belgium, the elder who had been serving as the branch pianist completed his mission and returned home. Of course there was no prelude music at the very next Sacrament Meeting. I pretended not to notice. Despite years of piano lessons I was merely OK at piano and even less adept at accompanying. So I smugly sat on my hands and waited for someone else to step up.
The chorister got up to lead the opening hymn a cappella. And then it hit me. “I’m all they’ve got.” I swallowed my pride and offered to play. And although my repertoire was limited (is it ever OK to sing “I Am A Child Of God” for the opening and the closing songs?) and there were occasional missed notes, during the rest of my mission I did serve humbly wherever I was needed.
You’d think I’d have learned my lesson. But this seems to be a subject for which I frequently need a refresher course.
What about you? Are there gifts you have that you might overlook or understate? Talents that perhaps go unused for some reason?
Now it’s your turn. Please fill in the blanks:
“My name is_____________and I’m a good_____________”
Hello, my name is Millie, and I’m a good raspberry truffle brownies maker.
[...] Â P.S. Our dearly beloved C-dub has taken on a new writing gig, Wednesdays at Segullah! Hello, my name is Sister Chickensnoot, and I’m a good hyperlinker! [...]
Hello, my name is Ahna. I’m a fantastic teacher.
Hello, my name is Lisa. I am a good bookkeeper.
Hello, my name is Andrea, and I am a good teacher. I’m also getting good at sprint triathlons.
Hello, I am c jane. I am wonderfully clever, creative, entertaining and fresh-voiced.
(It’s easier when someone says it about you first.)
Loved this part: Does the possibility surety that others may be better at something than we are completely negate the fact that we are at the very least capable?
I will be thinking about this all day . . .
My name is Colleen and I’m a good pie crust maker. My mom taught me well and I have a hard time eating pie made by anyone else.
Colleen, I think that is really interesting. It is advantageous and disadvantageous at the same time. I’d like to know what you do when you are faced with having to eat another’s pie.
Hello, my name is Corrie, and I’m a good advocate for the voiceless.
Thanks for posting this, Dalene. I know I often inadvertently hide my talents out of a fear that if I don’t, I’ll be seen either as intimidating or prideful. I suppose worrying about the opinions of others is also a form of pride, but I’m working on it.
My name is Keri and I’m good at constitutional theory.
My name is Kristen and I’m a good listener, a good editor, and a good eater.
Hello my name is Jessica and I’m good at coming up with ideas. Follow-through is not always so good but the ideas…now, those are something!
Hello, my name is Rachel and I am much more capable in the kitchen than my mother, or her mother. I’m good at seeing the big picture.
Dalene, I love your point about ‘capable’–maybe I like that word better than my favorite term “mediocrity”. I’m capable of a lot of things. And I’m okay with that. B+ is really an acceptable score most of the time. I think that I’m okay with a B+ is something I’m good at, and probably saves me some stress.
I have always felt my divine worth so strongly, but that sometimes makes me just wonder if that’s a thinly veiled way to say that I’m just egotistical. So maybe that’s not actually a good thing.
Something that I’m genuinely good at? Diplomacy (not like “solve the mid-east crisis” kind of diplomacy, just the regular domestic kind).
Thanks for some good things to think about.
Hello. My name is Jennifer and I am a good cheerleader.
Dalene, this post was wonderful. It reminds me of the scripture that begins by describing Moroni as a man of incredible power and righteousness “. . .if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever.” But the part that interests me is the verse that follows, “Now behold, Helaman and his brethren were no less serviceable unto the people than was Moroni”
Isn’t that interesting? I hope I can share my strengths and talents so that I can be “no less serviceable” too.
Jennifer, we just read that yesterday, and I thought the same thing!
My name is Sue and I’m a good stepmom.
My name is Heather and I’m a good gardner. I also make kickin’ chicken noodle soup.
Hello, my name is Cardine, and I am good at sleeping in!
Hello, my name is Emily, and I’m a good daughter-in-law.
Why is this so stinking hard? Really, I’ve been coming back to it all day. I have such a hard time believing I’m good at anything.
Hello, my name is Sue, and I’m a good friend.
There.
Thanks for this post.
My name is Michelle and I’m a good big-picture, process-minded brainstormer.
I’m also pretty good with food storage stuff.
Dalene, I could have written this post. I feel that at any moment, somebody will appear and laugh at my attempts to write. ~sigh~
However, not being one to quit, here I go with a truck load:
Hello, my name is Cheryl, and I’m a good musician, writer, teacher, and discerner.
Don’t tell anyone, though.
(See! Dang! Somebody should start that 12-step program you mentioned…)
You all are warming my heart. I wish I could respond to each one of you.
Justine, I see knowing your divine worth as a gift.
Jennifer B., we just read that passage as well and I remember thinking I’d never noticed that following verse before.
Wesley’s mom, I know what you mean. My hesitation was actually physical. My stomach lurched. My hands shook. The only way I was able to make myself write this was by thinking I might be in good company and hoping everyone would step up and join me.
And you did. Thank you!
I polled my family on this, and for every answer that they offered, my first response was to mentally dismiss the compliments. My brain shot back things like “not always” and “not really”. To some of the things they said, I thought “but that doesn’t have much value”. Apparently I’m not very good at accepting compliments, LOL.
However…
My name is Wendy and I am good at meeting the needs of my family and making them feel loved. Also, I am superb at science fair projects!
Hi, my name is Barb. I have written poetry that brings a smile to people that are dear to me. I enjoy the process of writing character sketches and some have enjoyed my thoughts. I like to think abstractly. I can be pretty funny at times. I am pretty good at holding a conversation with friends and family.
My name is FoxyJ and speak and teach Spanish well. I’m also great at meal planning and stretching our food budget.
You are a good writer Dalene! I always enjoy the creative ways you share your insights.
Hello, my name is Stephanie and I’m good at seeing things from other people’s perspectives.
Dalene is also a good listener, thoughtful woman and nurturer.
Hi I’m Queen Scarlett and I’m a good bedtime story …anytime book voice for my girls. I also am a good trumpet for other people’s talents and abilities. I’m good at cooking/baking with a recipe and without… but mostly hits/misses.
heheh I’m good at organizing activities (especially GNOs) and recording memories. I like to think I’m good with words - but… then there are people like Dalene…and I am merely a novice. I will sit down now. Oh…I am good at cuban action.
Hi, my name is Rhonda, and I’m a good writer, editor, and listener.
Great post!
Hi, My name is Mara and I’m a good multi-tasker.
I’m glad that’s over.
I love this post! Of course, we all know you are a fantastic writer, Dalene, but how refreshing to hear you admit it! I’m ripping off this idea for my blog. Apologies all around.
Hi. I’m Hollywood and I’m a great idea-ripper-offer.
Hi, my name is Lynda and I am excellent at allowing Dalene to shake me until my eyes rattle in my head and listen to her tell me I’m fabulous. I’m deviously good at creating situations where she will do this (because it just feels so darn good)and on my better days I contrive to get her to bring me a Sour Cream Lemon Pie A La Dalene, for which, among her other TALENTS, she is regionally, if not internationally famous. My very best talent however, the one to which I was born, is picking the very best women as my friends. Damn, I’m good!
Hi, my name is Emily and I am a fantastic mother to my son. Even when I’m exhausted and sick and crabby, I fill the Mom role really well.
My name is j5t and I’m a good mom.
Loving this post CW!
My name is Wendy and I’m a fantastic dental hygienist. I’m also great at answering all questions medical/dental for my family/extended family/friends/neighbors. .
so, got a question about your teeth?
Hello, my name is Melody, and I’m a good listener.
Lovely, thoughtful post. Thank you.
I hear you.
My name is Jennifer and I am great at saying no.
As in “No, I don’t think I will go to that presidency meeting because I am not technically in the presidency and want to go to Target instead.”
And “No, I will not organize the ward Christmas party because I am sending my husband to the middle east and someone else can do it.”
And “No, I don’t think I will teach the children all of the verses and the descant to that song. One verse will be fine for the primary program.”
I am so happy to see Dalene grit her teeth and admit what the rest of us already know: that she’s brilliant.
I’ve struggled while reading everyone’s responses. You see, I don’t have a difficult time admitting what I’m good at, and that makes me feel alone. Not that I see myself as egotistical, but I do enjoy the limelight, and I’ve always loved sharing my gifts. I am by no means a supermom in my own eyes, but I do recognize what I do well, and I’m not shy to volunteer those abilities. I’m grateful I’m good at a generous handful of things (and I recognize that there are others who are more skilled than I am at every one of those things). So I guess I don’t get to participate in the 12-step program. Can I volunteer to be on the staff?
My name is Wendy and (I love that I can say finally this), I’m a good mom!
Wonderful post, Dalene. Happy to see you here, too!
Hi. My name is Shiloh and I have a big heart.
(even after reading everyone’s comments, that was harder than I thought it would be!)
Thanks for a great post (and thanks to Holywood for ripping it off, so that I could find it!)
My name is Kylie, and I am organized. I am also good at fixing comma splices. Seriously. I have lots of practice.
I’m loving all of your comments here. Any more thoughts as to why this is so hard for so many of us?
Yes. Yes, you are…….
And the next line in the 12 Step Meeting Welcome is:
Keep Coming Back!
Hello, my name is Brenda and I’m good at making people laugh, I can relate/get along with almost anyone, I’m also a pretty good hugger. I’m also number 45.
Hi, there. My name is Suzie Petunia. No, that isn’t true. My name is really Sarah. I am a good runner. I’m also very good at telling my kids I love them.
Hello, my name is Keryn and I am really, really enthusiastic and cheerful. And I’m a good class lecturer.
(And it was really hard not to write some kind of caveat in there. Wow. Thanks for writing this post. And thanks to everyone for the comments–they were just long enough for me to get my courage up!)
Hello, my name is Ashley and I’m good at figuring things out.
Thanks for the post, capable is something to think about.
Dalene, I think the idea of admitting we’re good at something smacks right at the heart of ego and pride and feels like it goes against the idea of humility. But instead of humbly accepting and strengthening our talents, we use the word humility to become self-deprecating and loathsome of any strength we might feel we’ve got. It’s almost like acknowledging that we’re good at something becomes associated with a dirty or negative feeling — like something we should rid ourselves of.
But instead, maybe we should be boldly boasting in the Lord — that just seems kinda hard to do, eh?
Dang - this is hard!
I’m Mama and I’m good at connecting with people. (I am resisting the urge to type, “But others are better at it. For most things I think I’m half-good at, I can think of someone who does it faster or better, so it makes it hard to accept that I have certain talents of my own and that it isn’t a competition.)
What has been fun in reading this thread is thinking, “Oh - I’m OK at that, too!” or better yet, “I stink at that - I’m so glad someone is good at it. They can fill in for me when I get asked to do that!”
I would LOVE to read miss D here every wednesday. She is amazing. Her thoughtfulness and words help me through a really, really difficult time of my life. She is a good woman to know is just there. I am sure the Segulla readers will see this soon too.
Sorry that I didn’t do the exercise….. there are a lot of things that I am good at, but I seem to be spending most of my time dealing with learning NEW things to be good at…
r
For you, Dalene, because your kindness meant so much…
I’m going to admit, that it was so hard for me to reveal what I know are my greatest strengths, that I had my comment removed, and Dalene graciously respected my wishes. But, after some soul-searching, I’m putting it back, and then some. So…
My name is Amy and I am good at being understanding, tender, and empathetic. I have an ability to love people exactly where they are at, no matter what they’ve done or how they choose to live their lives. I’m also good at just being there for others when they are in any kind of tremendous pain.
I also think society as a whole tells women to compete with one another -we’re trained to compare ourselves to one another, to constantly size one another up. We worry others will shoot us down if we volunteer talents that certainly are capable, but not necessarily #1. It’s a bit uglier than just wanting to be humble, but I think there’s a lot of truth to us being taught to not like one another, in order to keep us from lifting each other up.
This was really hard for me as well:
Hi my name is Rachel. I’m pretty good at writing creative fiction; I make fun music mixes; and I’m actually quite talented at being single.
Hi, my name is JayneAnne and I am Dalene’s sister. I’m so glad to be able to read her writings again, and to read how others appreciate her too. Thanks, Sis, for setting a good example once again. Love ya!
I am JayneAnne and I am good at reading, listening and helping. My son says I am a good Mom, too (thank goodness!).
Hi, I’m Terina and I can play the piano well. I am also a good listener and I can make friends pretty easily.
I have a book that helped me to understand why the self deprecating attitude is so harmful. but as i moved into my house all of four days ago, i cannot tell you where that book is. but if you have how to hug a porcupine, read it!! great book!
HI I am Corrine and I am a good friend and a good blog surfer and admirer of others with the ability to pen their thoughts. I am a good journal writer, and recently over came my fear of others reading my writings by starting a blog.
Thanks for your post!
Hi, my name is Meems, and I’m a good daydreamer.
I have this almost uncontrollable urge to play the game in an evasive way — you know, write the stuff that’s true but silly, like: “My name is Georgia and I’m good at checking out more library books than I can carry.” That is nearly always my response — it’s not quite self-effacement, but I think it’s something like that.
I’ll try to simply do this, really I will. Here goes:
My name is Georgia, and I am a good lover. (And I don’t mean that in the nudge-nudge wink-wink sense, although I’m certainly not ruling that aspect out.)
Oh, and I meant to say that I hereby proclaim that Hump Day shall from henceforth be called Worthy Wednesday.
And you will be a wonderful keeper of Worthy Wednesday.
Hi, I’m April and I’m great at organizing. I’m also very empathetic and have a great amount of common sense.
Hi, my name is Jen and I am good at having fun, making people laugh, reading, exercising, being likable, serving, listening, driving, cleaning, cooking and sudoku. Wow, I’m amazing.
[...] on to something ’cause I’m not the first one to sniff this out. Did you read this Segullah post? (Dear CW, I thought that post was totally brilliant and wonderful. Love, Em.) And since [...]
Hi, I’m Rachel. I’m a great cook when following a Rachel Ray recipe. I also excel in creating a comfortable atmosphere in our home. I think I have an eye for what looks good decor- wise. I am somewhat of the glue that helps to hold my family together, and I think I usually can articulate my thoughts well to others (verbally, that is).
Whew, that felt good and so bad at the same time. Thanks, I love your writing!
Thanks Emily Anne and Rae. You both just made my day.
I understand the role of glue in a family. It’s really too bad that’s not the kind of talent you can spotlight at those awkward YW talent nights growing up. Somehow those unseen gifts often go unappreciated even when they’re the ones that make a difference in our lives.
Hi, my name is Bree and I’m a great choreographer.
Hello, my name is Maddison. I am a good stepmom, wife, sociologist, writer, student, and organizer. Just to add one more, I am also good at coming up with ad slogans (not that I’m in the biz or anything, but if I was, I would probably be highly paid! LOL)
Love this post, thank you for the opportunity! And I’ve loved everyone’s comments - this is great!
Hello, my name is Claudia and I am a good play director.