“All Things Must Fail”

Posted by m&m | June 30, 2009 | 24 Comments

I try hard to minimize the amount of medication I take, but I have a pretty major sleep disorder, and drugs have been a heavensend in managing it.

When my sleep meds stopped working last winter, life got really hard. My health problems (undiagnosed chronic issues) predictably worsen when my sleep isn’t good. I felt awful physically. I felt panicked, even depressed. In desperation, I went to my sleep doc’s office, hoping beyond hope that he could help me figure something else out.

The combination he gave me worked. It felt like a miracle. I thanked Heavenly Father for this tremendous blessing. I shared my gratitude in the “good news minute” in Relief Society meeting at church. For someone who has really never slept well, to get a sense of what it was like to lie down and actually drift off to sleep (and to sleep more deeply, and for longer stretches) was sweeter than sweet for me.

But after a very short time, the magic combination stopped working. (The drug he gave me had a side effect of helping with sleep. My body quickly adjusted to the drug and the side effect went away.)

To say I was devastated is an understatement. Not only was I back to being physically behind the eight ball, but spiritually and emotionally, I was in a hole, one that felt deeper than before. Hope and gratitude gave way to feelings of helplessness and grief. Why had something that felt so miraculous been taking from me? And what was I to do now? I was angry, worried, weary.

It took a few weeks and a few significant experiences to remember a sobering scriptural phrase that helped me reset my perspective.

“Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail.”

The word ‘must’ intrigues me. Is it possible that one of the only ways I can learn to lean on the Lord is to have all the other things on which I tend to rely fail me? I wonder…. Does this scripture tie into what it means to be compelled to be humble, or to have weakness revealed?

I’m reminded of Elder Holland, who said:

Life has its share of some fear and some failure. Sometimes things fall short, don’t quite measure up. Sometimes in both personal and public life, we are seemingly left without strength to go on. Sometimes people fail us, or economies and circumstance fail us, and life with its hardship and heartache can leave us feeling very alone.

But when such difficult moments come to us, I testify that there is one thing which will never, ever fail us. One thing alone will stand the test of all time, of all tribulation, all trouble, and all transgression. One thing only never faileth—and that is the pure love of Christ.

For me, it’s one thing to talk about faith in the Savior — it’s another thing to really try to live it, to really trust Him, regardless of what specific things may (or may not) be happening in my life.

How have you learned to lean on the Lord more in your life, to “cleave unto [His] charity” — especially when other things have failed?

Comments

24 Responses to ““All Things Must Fail””

Selwyn
June 30th, 2009 @ 5:06 am

I’ve learnt to lean on the Lord more in my life ESPECIALLY because other things/people have failed. To realise that I had “trusted in the arm of flesh”, however much I wanted that arm to be trustworthy, meant that eventually I would find myself needing a more secure place to balance/stand.

The Lord will never falter, never change, never be anything but perfect. It is a constant faith-growing opportunity though to put more of my trust on Him, no matter how many times previously He has lifted me up, stopped me from face-planting bottom, and even carried me.

A song called “Beautiful” by Shawn Mcdonald says “Sometimes I want to jump from this tree that I’ve climbed up in, and trust that you will catch me and keep me safe from harm. Oh I want to let go, and trust that you are in control. Won’t you take me, and make me beautiful… beautiful”

Trusting that He will always catch me – particularly after I’ve been left to crash by others – is an amazing, graceful lesson to learn. Repeatedly.
Luisa Perkins
June 30th, 2009 @ 5:30 am

Oh, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find another solution.

I could be a really good mother to three kids on my own strength. I’m a competent mother to four or five on my own strength.

But I have six now, and they’re wonderful, butI am convinced that the Lord sent me so many to teach me to lean on Him constantly. I simply cannot mother six children without His help. “I Need Thee Every Hour” has taken on new significance for me. I am slowly learning not to rely on the arm of my own flesh, which fails constantly without otherworldly assistance.
Kay
June 30th, 2009 @ 6:17 am

Slowly, day by day I am learning more to ‘be still and know that I am God’. It is one of my favourite scriptures. To know that He is there for me and though sometimes I really don’t understand what is going on and cannot see the big picture, it will be o.k.

My husband handed his notice in at work in March. For many reasons. This included that he felt strongly he needed to be at home and not away most of the week. On Sunday my unemployed husband became Bishop. The stake president said that they had fasted and prayed for months and knew it was to be him, but that they could not extend the call while he was in that particular work situation. As soon as he was unemployed they put his name forward to the 1st presidency. Now he is Bishop. It was part of a plan that I did not see. I was upset and extremely worried for our future when he left work. Now I still worry but know things will work out.
Eric Nielson
June 30th, 2009 @ 6:55 am

Life seems so fragile sometimes. Almost anything could happen to any of us at any time. I find I must trust in God to keep any sense of peace or sanity.

One thing I often have some trouble with is the line between trusting that God is ‘in charge’ of things, and blaming God for all the bad things that happen to yourself and others. My only reconciliation I can think of at the moment is hoping that it will all be for the best in the long run.
traci
June 30th, 2009 @ 7:49 am

Physical stuff is hard! That includes health and finances if it is effecting your medical or habitation. I have several issues, physical. some that i have had my whole life and some that have progressed in the last 10 years or so. I never used to sleep, and then is was sporadic and interrupted – no fun is putting it mildly.

Lately I have tried to find a foreign word for Pain or Hurt and try to see that that “angel” is visiting me and bringing me closer to the Lord. Remebering, acting on it, all things pass, and somedays as you well know – nothing works it seems. God is there, here, then, when.
Anonymouse
June 30th, 2009 @ 8:53 am

How do you know when it’s right to seek help from people (I know the Lord provides inspired doctors, counselors, etc.) and when we must rely completely on the Lord for our help?

How do you get His help when you have no idea what to do? I pray, and seek, but I’m still in the dark.
Faith.Not.Fear
June 30th, 2009 @ 9:10 am

Alma was praying to know what to do — the Lord prepared Amulek, not only to feed him, but to be his missionary companion.

Abinadi had to rely completely on the Lord.

Moses felt insufficient to be the prophet — the Lord provided Aaron as his assistant.

Esther had the support and prayers of her people, but had to talk with the king alone.

Prayers, fasting, and seeking are all key — listening and watching, and being willing to follow through on what we receive are vital.

I know Heavenly Father has sent me people as reassurances that He has heard my prayers — sometimes they provide answers; sometimes they are there to let me know I’m not alone.

Answers will come.
Dovie
June 30th, 2009 @ 9:11 am

Your post reminds me of a talk one I heard in church. The theme for the meeting was “Charity the pure love of Christ” There were three speakers I was the one in the middle. It was a powerful meeting. The three talks tied together in such a beautiful way. The third speaker taught some powerful concepts.

I have tried since then to figure out the book that she was drawing from. I believe it was by Jeffery R. Holland. The speaker has years since moved from our ward and I don’t even remember her name and I never ask her about it.

It kills me because I would love to read the book. The concepts contained in the talk were all things that I knew but they were presented in a way that really opened my heart and mind and expanded my understanding of what Charity really means. The oft quoted but poorly understood statements became full of richness and meaning “Charity never faileth” “Charity the pure love of Christ”

Corinthians 13:8
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

Moroni 7:46-47
46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

If any of you well read ladies know of a book that fits this description I would be truly “eternally grateful” for the information.
Josi
June 30th, 2009 @ 9:16 am

This is a beautiful quote and a timely one as per some struggles we’re facing right now. I find it very hard to trust in Him sometimes and I don’t really understand how we put our burdens on Him. Do we do that by lifting other peoples burdens even if it makes ours heavier? Do we do it by simply going through the motions, even if we don’t feel the peace and joy we seek? I know He is there and I know that, ultimately, the things that we’re going through will be for our benefit, but it scares the bejeebies out of me to imagine how much things may change. Will I be up to it? I guess it’s very hard for me to rectify what I want and feel I’ve worked hard for with what might be ultimately best for my spiritual development. And there’s always that fear that I WON’T make the best of it and then those trials will be for my detriment instead of my exaltation.

Life is just hard.

I wish you the very best in your search for sleep, that is certainly a heavy burden to bear. Great post. Got me thinking.
Rebecca
June 30th, 2009 @ 9:45 am

Anonymous- It is my understanding that if whatever it is that you are struggling with is keeping you from functioning in a healthy way on any given day then it is appropriate to seek out help, whatever that means to you.
A few years ago I was suffering from fatigue on a daily basis and knew that my kids needed a healthy mom, so I went straight to my doc and was ready to do whatever it took to be healthy for them.

m&m, I too hope that you find the help you need. It is so hard to feel sub-par physically, mentally, etc. It sounds like you learned a beautiful and important lesson through this experience. IMO, if a trial teaches us about the atonement then we have probably found the main lesson of that trial.

Thank you for sharing your struggle and insight.
Merry Michelle
June 30th, 2009 @ 9:50 am

Dovie, “Broken Things to Mend” is probably the book you are looking for by Jeffrey R Holland. It’s also the title of a talk he gave which is included. The talks in there are spectacular, including one about not being full of fear in the last days called “Terror, Triumph and a Wedding Feast”.

Beautiful blog. This is what we came down here to learn or remember how to do (plus a body). Believing in hope or help you can’t see when everything else is failing around you and in you. Christ is there. Angels are there. And a loving Father in Heaven makes sure that no suffering is EVER wasted. And we probably wouldn’t even think to look for them unless we were faced with these failures.
Thomas Parkin
June 30th, 2009 @ 9:53 am

Great m&m.

When our business was decidedly failing and in the months that followed, I’d go for long stretches where I couldn’t sleep more than a few hours a night. That greatly augmented the misery of it! I can relate, roller-skate. ~
Faith.Not.Fear
June 30th, 2009 @ 10:23 am

Josie
Just a couple of thoughts:
– I think that sometimes serving others lifts our burdens (esp. with depression and discouragement).
Sometimes, though, it is a very literal “please take my burden from me, or give me the strength to bear it.”

– Going through the motions sometimes is all we can do. Pray, though, that you can be strengthened even in that.

– Pres. Monson’s words “whom the Lord calls He qualifies” comes to mind — it seems that that would work for following what you feel He wants you to do, too. 1 Nephi 3:7 — He’ll prepare a way.
m&m
June 30th, 2009 @ 10:38 am

These are all wonderful thoughts. After I come back from round 2 of my sleep (hehe), I’ll say more. Just wanted to say thanks for the discussion thus far.

I will say that part of the reason I wrote this is because I think it’s often, as someone said above, “hard to trust in Him sometimes and I don’t really understand how we put our burdens on Him.” How many times I have asked those questions myself! While it ends up being sometimes beyond words, I hope that we can discuss a little of what that looks and feels like — to really come to feel and understand of the Atonement in a way that truly lightens our burdens. We talk about it a lot, but for years, I really couldn’t get my mind around what that meant in a practical, how-to-do-it kind of way.
SilverRain
June 30th, 2009 @ 11:26 am

I think it is because I am finally living my own pain in life that I have learned what charity really is. It is not until we hurt that we can feel compassion for others’ hurting.
traci
June 30th, 2009 @ 2:06 pm

I remember a saying from somewhere – If you hurt and do not recieve love, you become bitter, if you do recieve love, you become compassionate!
Melissa M.
June 30th, 2009 @ 2:50 pm

I just have one thought to share in regards to using the Atonement to alleviate our burdens. Just last week I had a painful discussion with my daughter, and afterwards I continued to feel pained and distressed and sad. I lay there the next night, reliving the conversation and feeling shellshocked, unable to sleep. I finally prayed and asked that through the power of the Atonement the pain from that conversation would be taken away so that I could sleep. And almost immediately that burden of sadness was lifted and I was “pained no more,” in the words of Alma. I had a similar experience about eight years ago. I was pregnant and went to my first OB/gyn appointment and found out then that I didn’t have a viable pregnancy after all and would need to have a D&C. I was so sad that night, so distressed, but when I finally prayed for relief I felt a literal warmth envelope me, and again, the pain was taken away. Of course, I still had to work through my sadness in the days to come, but at that moment I felt pure comfort. So I know that in our moments of great distress we can pray for relief and our burdens can be eased, sometimes lifted, because of the Atonement. I’m only just beginning to understand this.
Merry Michelle
June 30th, 2009 @ 2:54 pm

Melissa M.–WOW. That is HUGE and so lovingly put, thank you.
m&m
June 30th, 2009 @ 4:24 pm

Selwyn:

“I’ve learnt to lean on the Lord more in my life ESPECIALLY because other things/people have failed.”

I think that is often what is the case — we have to learn by experience that there is no other perfect solution than to turn to the Lord…even as we might have help from other sources along the way. I don’t think we can fully put faith and trust in anyone or anything but the Lord.

#
Luisa, thank you for sharing your tender thoughts about leaning on the Lord in your motherhood. I love that hymn, too.

Kay, I love that scripture, too. It’s hard sometimes to be still. And wow…what a story about your husband and his new calling!

Eric, thanks for your thoughts. I sometimes get scared when I realize how many things could go wrong. It helps me, too, to trust that God sees and knows what I don’t see and know, and that pain in our sphere is, imo, often not seen the same way through an eternal perspective.

traci. thanks for your thoughts.

Anonymouse, I have been there before, and sometimes still struggle with those kinds of questions. I have found that sometimes I have to keep praying and waiting on the Lord and doing my best with what I know until some answers distill. Hang in there!

Faith.Not.Fear, thanks for the reminder about scriptural people and how they trusted in the Lord and how He helps in different ways.

Dovie, when you find out which book it is, let us know!

Josi, I can relate to some of your questions as well. Faith can sometimes feel scary. That is something I’m working on a lot. I think it is hard sometimes, too, to find the balance between my part and God’s part. I’ll tell you this, though, I am learning that God is really smart, and that sometimes my pain has ended up having broader purposes. I’m trying to let go a little more and not hold so tightly to my visino of what life ’should’ be. Easier said than done, though. It does help me, though, to remember that fear and faith can’t coexist, so I can know that God doesn’t want me to be afraid (again, easier said than lived!)

Rebecca, the effect of my health issues on my kids has been VERY hard for me. It’s one example of something in my journey that I have had to let go of a little, because doctors can’t really fix what’s wrong (they can’t figure out what’s wrong to know what to fix!) I keep telling myself that ‘it’s their journey, too’ — they are learning and growing; we are learning and growing as a family.

And I LOVED this: “IMO, if a trial teaches us about the atonement then we have probably found the main lesson of that trial.” Amen!

Merry Michelle, beautiful thoughts. Thank you.

Thomas, thanks for the empathy. And thanks for being willing to share some of your own struggles…we all have them. That’s something that is certain in life!

SilverRain, good point — sometimes our struggles help us gain more charity through a compassionate heart. This learning by experience business can be hard stuff!

traci: “I remember a saying from somewhere – If you hurt and do not recieve love, you become bitter, if you do recieve love, you become compassionate!” Interesting thought. Motivates me to want to be more loving!

Melissa M., thank you for sharing your powerful experiences.

Thanks everyone, for your thoughts so far.

(I love Segullah!)
Sage
July 1st, 2009 @ 6:14 am

M&M, thanks for sharing your struggle and for asking such an important question about how we can apply the Atonement. I used to struggle with insomnia too. That is so hard (not that you’d have the same thing, but my problem turned out to be a wheat intolerance. I had a blood allergy test from a naturopath and had to give up milk, wheat & eggs for 3 mos. Then upon reintroduction discovered that wheat was the problem. I’m much improved) I hope you can find relief somehow!

Luisa, (Hi!) your comment reminded me how the Lord answered my fervent prayer to be a better mother by blessing me with child number five! I think I will be better for the reason you described: I must rely more fully on the Lord to handle all that I’ve been given.

I’m so grateful we have the scriptures to guide us toward the Atonement, but it seems to take real-life experiences to truly teach us how to live charitably and by faith. It seems we realLy did need to come to earth to learn this lesson (at least I know I did).

I, too, love how Segullah gives us a place to discuss and share our thoughts and ideas about this wonderful thing called the gospel. I feel so blessed!
m&m
July 2nd, 2009 @ 1:42 am

I’m so grateful we have the scriptures to guide us toward the Atonement, but it seems to take real-life experiences to truly teach us how to live charitably and by faith.

Well said.
Justine
July 8th, 2009 @ 7:23 am

In regards to your original question, sometimes everything has to feel like its completely falling apart before I adequately rely on the Lord. It’s so terrible of me, I know. It presumes such an arrogance on my part that I simply must figure out how to rid myself of.

In that way, I am very grateful for my trials because they do keep me close to the Lord.
Carin
July 8th, 2009 @ 7:36 am

This is so thought provoking…I will be thinking about it all day!
Janelle
July 11th, 2009 @ 7:25 pm

Elder Bednar gave a talk about Grace in which he described grace as “the enabling power” of the Atonement.

After listening to the most recent General Conference address by President Monson about the woman who traveled from Russia to Germany and lost all her children on the way I was confused. What was I to learn from this story? I was positive that woman prayed along the way, only to find everything taken away from her.

After studying Elder Bednar’s talk on the enabling power of Grace as well as the topical guide and Bible Dictionary I felt I understood President Monson’s Conference Address a little better. After losing everything, this woman had not lost her faith in God. And God remembered her, by memorializing her faith through His prophet years later.

Grace enables us to pass through the trials of life and come out better, wiser, sanctified. Grace does not always take the trial away. Physical struggles remind me of Paul who suffered with an ailment all his days. And you can’t tell me he didn’t have the faith to be healed. Look at how much he accomplished.

In this post you paid special attention to the fact that the scripture points out that all things “must” fail. That includes the hold a particular ailment, flaw or illness has over us. And that gives me comfort. The one person that will never fail me, has already secured the failure of the effects of ailments, death, fatique and pain with His resurrection.

I do hope that you get to sleep normally one day soon. But you are accomplishing much despite this hinderance, and that is very “grace”ful.