There is a river near my childhood home. It runs swift and deep and wide. If you have only ever lived in the west, try not to think of rivers like the ones that run out of the canyons, but instead go google an eastern river (try the Mississippi). If you live anywhere east of the Mississippi River, please feel free to imagine at will.
I really miss this river. I grew up in front of it, learning its joys and its dangers. I learned to navigate it, I learned when to stay off it. I learned how to read its moods. I knew where I could touch bottom and where I could not. Where the current would keep me safely near home, and where the current would carry me off. I can mark moments in my life by where in the river I was ”“ safely on shore, splashing in a slow swell of safety, diving off the tree limb into the swift flow.
I think about this river sometimes. I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot lately. For some reason, this river is supposed to teach me something again.
I have a daughter who is one of my great joys and one of my greatest heartaches. I pray over this child far more than any of the others. I pray for her peace. I pray for my peace. I pray for answers, for hope, for calm. My prayers almost always end with me thinking about the river. Strange, eh? I think, actually, that I’m finally seeing my answer.
She is the river.
Her feelings and emotions run far deeper than I can see, and hold undercurrents that lead her away to unknown and scary places. She swells unexpectedly, washing away anything in her path. She is sometimes impossible to navigate, bearing far too wide and swift for any safe passage. She holds, just beneath the surface, dangerous barbs that can injure unsuspecting travelers.
But she seeks progress. She is deeper than most, carrying great volumes of strength and vitality along with her. She has many safe islets and shores. She has a breadth of power that is paralleled by few. She is fun to be with. She actively seeks out peace and calm, willing to overrun her banks to find it.
I’ve just begun to understand that I need to begin to know the river again. I need to learn to navigate properly. There are safe ways, and there are foolish ways. My daughter’s emotions run deeper than most, they are more powerful and demanding. They are as helpful and harmless as a glass of water, until multiplied by a million to create the avalanche of destruction that water can bring when channeled poorly.
Small answer to a very large prayer. The theme of my answer was one that came from great peace in my youth. I once knew how to navigate the river, the Lord knows I can do it again.
What are some recurring themes in your life?
Faith. I feel ever at odds with understanding the true meaning of “Thy will be done.”
Justine, this is beautiful. Your daughter is lucky to have a mom willing to learn how to run the river. Me, I’d sometimes just rather pay the river guide…
Justine–I have one of these as well. I’m so prone to thinking that magically one day he will wake up and things will suddenly be “easy.” I think a more healthy vision would be the one you suggest. Thanks for the reminder.
i should have grown up next to a river.
I’ve been reflecting back to this river metaphor all day. It’s a lovely and encouraging way to think of my teen children–even though I don’t have proven real-world river skills.
I love how you brought peace into it. God promises peace like a river is in Isaiah 48:18 and 66:12, but these words also also reminds me of Isaiah 54:13/3 Nephi 22:13: And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
Recurring themes… vision. Vision, meaning charity: to see others clearly, as God sees them. Vision, meaning to see myself and my sins clearly, so that I can repent of them. Vision, meaning to see where I’m at, where I want to go, where I’ve been. There’s a lot more implied in the title of “seer” than just seeing the future.
I have a strong-willed one as well. Learning to navigate our family’s river too…
I have a 28 year old Mississippi. I have always tried so hard to understand how to navigate her. She is unlike anyone in the family. She is so very complex and makes our lives always intensely complex and drama filled. I have had to get out, off and stay clear of the river at times and for a season when it became detrimental to myself. Yet, I always go back. Learning to just love & listen, love & listen, rather than fix & answer, fix & answer. It’s been the hardest job I have ever done. I get these moments of success and it’s when I just love & listen that they come. And believe me to love and listen when grandchildren are involved take on a new dimension. I still have a cassette tape from when she was 12 entitled “Loving Those That Are Hard to Love”.
It’s hard to submit that this child will never fit into any format that our family is in sync with. She hears a different drummer!
Beautiful post. Reminds me of a line from a favorite song:
“That was the river,
This is the sea”
(I also thought this was going to be about the book, Peace Like a River.)
Recurring theme for me:
Matthew 11: 39
He that findeth his life shall lose it:
and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.