My husband and I were talking one night about a young woman in our ward that had her baby taken away because of her living conditions (she claimed she couldn’t keep house because of her diabetes). After some conversation about it, I said, “It must break Heavenly Father’s heart to send those spirits into situations like that. Those poor babies.”
Later that same week, I heard a horrifying news story about a two-week old baby who had been microwaved by a babysitter trying to keep her warm. As I nursed my newborn and listened, aghast and tearful, the thought crossed my mind again—this must break Heavenly Father’s heart.
Why would we agree to such a deal in our pre-mortality? I imagined the scene, each of us getting an overview of what we might experience in this life, and then saying, “Sign me up!” Someone was willing to be born into slavery, some to disease- and poverty-ridden slums, to places where they would never learn of the Savior, or never feel human love, or never be free. What’s in it for them eternally?
It was then that my mind “caught hold upon the thought,” to borrow Alma’s phrase, that this is the value of receiving a mortal body. At almost any cost, Heavenly Father’s spirit children were willing to leave his presence and come to earth—just to gain a mortal body. And while I am sure it does break Heavenly Father’s heart, I am sure his perspective eases the pain of that tiny flicker of eternity when those innocent spirits suffer. He sees his children one step closer to Him.
This little “lightbulb” meant a lot to me. It has altered my general perspective, helping me see more purpose in suffering, and helping me value my own mortal body. While I have been at odds with my body on and off throughout my life, I am learning to love it and honor it as a gift from my Father, and as the vehicle that brought three lights into my life—two beautiful daughters and my sweet baby son. I am learning to wear the stretches and wrinkles and extra rolls of me with a little more grace and gratitude for the experiences that put them there, and faith that this body brings me, in ways I don’t fully understand, one step closer to divinity.
What’s your take on the value of our bodies? Have you had a similar “a-ha” moment?
What makes you feel strong/ graceful/ goddess-like—at home in your own skin and grateful for your body?
How are you teaching your children (especially daughters) to cherish and respect their own bodies?
This hurts me, too. I mean I physically hurt for those little kids. I empathize. I agonize.
I have no answers.
But I had a moment of personal inspiration “pure intelligence” once. I know it was from God. It was undeniable.
I was newly wed to Bill and struggling as the stepmother of two children with ADHD who’d been abandoned by their mother and raised for a year and a half by a heartbroken and overwhelmed father. And just failing miserably. My son was 8 and hated the marriage, they were 5 and 3 and I was in total system shock going from a “gay divorcee” to an overworked wife and mother also trying to adjust.
I so wanted to have another baby–my Sarah, I knew she was out there. But I was driving to town one day, feeling tired and angry and discouraged. I don’t know if I’d yelled at the kids, whatever. In retrospect, I was simply a monster, at the time I was trying with all my heart and soul to be perfect and to force my kids to be, as well.
A news story came on the radio of terrible abuse. I don’t remember what incident. I started to cry and I told the Lord “how can I bring a child into this terrible world, weak and flawed as I am. You know how awful I was to my kids, you know my demons. I don’t deserve another child”
And clear as day a voice came to me: “This spirit is going to come whether it’s through your body or not. Your worst is better than many peoples’ best. You could be saving her.”
And I made up my mind. I knew what the Lord wanted me to do.
Am I glad? Yes, I love that child with all my heart and she brought me immeasurable joy. Without her, I would not be alive today.
And yet. There are times, almost every day, when I am hit anew with my failures, I let her down so many times, and I think “Oh, God, if I had to do it over again and I know what I know now, I would never had married and never had children. I would lived a solitary life where I couldn’t hurt anyone. Oh, God, this life is so hard.”
But thinking of these children you mention, I also always wonder what Sarah would be doing if I hadn’t given birth to her. Who would have? What kind of person would she be? As flawed as I was, she’s joyful and beautiful and kind and ditzy. Would another person have destroyed her? Mistreated her? Was that what God was saying? Did I save her? I can only hope so in light of all the mistakes I made which I see reflected in her today.
Same with all my kids.
Well, I’m tired and I’m punch drunk. I’m not always such party pooper.
Oh, sorry, I missed your questions in the drama of my experience.
I’ve never felt strong and Goddesslike in my life.
Bill giving me the diamond for our 25 anniversary (my first diamond)made me feel more cherished and valuable. I’ve always hated myself (which I’m working on guys, yesterday I said, “hey I like myself” but it could have been the drugs) and I subtly conveyed to my daughters that they were less than. Long story. I hate myself for that now LOL.
But since March, when I got the diamond, I tell them differently. I tell them they are girls, they deserve girl stuff, they deserve to be put on a pedestal. Preaching a whole new tune I never understood before and only understand through a glass darkly now. And they’re listening. It’s sad how they’re listening.
Fat/skinny, my kids don’t seem to focus on that much, mostly because THEY HAVE PERFECT BODIES. Jessie, 6′ tall, 130 lbs of sheer muscle, good boobs, tan. Sarah, 5′7″, 118 lbs, perfect. I do think, though, that I made a lot of their physical beauty, not because I value that beauty, but because they are truly beautiful, stunning girls. Sarah keeps in in perspective, knows outside matters less. Jessie, though, her self esteem is a lot on how pretty she is, not all her other stellar qualities.
I was sort of that way, when I was cute and single, I wondered why I wasn’t the most popular girl in Special Interest. I was the cutest. But I was screwed up in myriads of ways and my boyfriends went after girls much less attractive. No lie, I got dumped for woman who look like me now.
A year or so ago I bought some slim fast (I am the short fat one in the family, you should see those family pictures) and Sarah saw it and said, “Mom, I don’t want you to go on a diet, I love to hug my chubby little Mommy.” Mixed emotions with that one LOL.
amen, Jamie. Thank you so much for this. I, too, believe that each of us willingly chose this mortal coil so that we could have a physical body eternally. It can be hard to believe that sometimes, given the horrific pain and suffering that people go through–especially innocent children. I think we just can’t grasp that the reward of a body is worth any pain we go through.
I had a very similar experience to yours–here’s an exerpt from a post I once wrote about it:
In our old neighborhood we lived across the street from a very depressing family. The deplorable physical condition of the yard and home was a good match for the mess of abuse and other problems that plagued the family’s relationships. I was a visiting teacher to one of the daughters in that home, a young adult who had suffered horribly over the years. One night when I made a visit, she was babysitting one of her sister’s children (it was a family tradition of sorts to bear children out of wedlock–there were a half-dozen or so living there at the time). This baby was lying on a filthy, crusty couch. He only had a diaper on. His mother was prone to disappearing for days at a time, leaving him in the care of her younger siblings, who were none too pleased to have the responsibility thrust upon them. Needless to say, the baby and the other “cousins†were not well-treated.
He was a gorgeous child–half Latino, with olive skin and huge, deep-deep brown eyes and long lashes. He stood out like a sparkling jewel amidst the squalor of his surroundings.
When I was home again I thought about the future that awaited him. My heart hurt so much I didn’t think I could bear it. I just couldn’t reconcile his perfect, holy little self with the circumstances he had been placed within. How could this be okay?
The answer came, clearly and firmly: He chose to come.
This discussion reminds me of one of my favorite stories, “I Stand Here Ironing” by Tillie Olsen. There is a line in there, near the end that talks about how her daughter will never be everything she should be and how that’s okay, but she pleads, “only help her to see that she is more than this cloth and helpless before the iron.” (Or something like that.) The human capacity when strengthened by the spirit of God is an amzing thing– it CAN overcome.
Jamie, this has been on my mind a lot these past couple of days. I read a horrific story about a child porn ring. Some of the children abused were younger than my baby. I can’t stand the thought of it, and I prayed that night (I should always pray) that somehow there are angels to help all those innocent babies who are harmed this way, that someone on the other side sees them suffering and helps them through this awfulness. There are no words for what they go through.
The only thing that helps me understand this, even a little, is knowing that they chose to come to earth.
Also, I take a little comfort in knowing that Hell Exists, and that’s the place for the people who abuse these little ones.
Jamie, you made me cry! I think I’m super wierdo girl because I have always loved my body (and it’s a strange thing, too, because I am not a cute lil thing).
The thing that got me going here was your passage that states we were willing, “at almost any cost” to gain a body. What a gift we have. What potential for abuse our bodies place us in. But what potential for beauty and grace we also carry. And what a responsibility to honor the bodies of the children in our care, the loved ones in our lives, the people all around us.
I think I feel most beautiful when I’m around my husband. He still, after all these years, looks at me in a way that conveys his love for me. It’s not in the lustful and wanting way it was before we were married, but it’s in a calm, assured way. He looks at me, and I shine.
I also feel great when I’m being good to my body, like running, being active, not overeating, etc. I’ve never really talked to my girls about body image. We just kind of talk about being healthy. I hope that’s enough. I just hope that by not focusing on it, I’m sending a message that works. Who knows…
This was a great post, Jamie, thanks.
Wow, what an awesome post! Thanks Jamie for such GOOD reading.
Although I have struggled with WHY I chose to take on a mortal body, I have finally come to the conclusion that I am here to be a part of HIS plan. Even though at times I secretly wish I could go abck to where I came…I balance out again and know that I am here for a reason. There are certainly “lessons” to be learned, but I am finding that sometimes I am here to “teach” the lesson.
I used to struggle with my body image…having ALWAYS been taller than everyone else (even the boys when I was a kid), having developed in the boob area quite early…(and a bit OVER developed hehe.) I was always different than everyone else. As I have gotten older the lightbulb for me has been about acceptance. I accept who I am and where I am with my body image. I don’t fret anymore that I can’t wear all the “hip” clothes or maybe be as trendy as everyone else. Frankly, it really isn’t part of my personality to be “hip and trendy”.
I feel best when I am doing the things that make me feel good…feeding my soul makes my “outside” shine!
When it comes to my precious daughter, she is beautiful and I tell her every day. She has a good sense about her body image and I a take a VERY active role in that. Her father is also quick to tell her how nice she looks or how smart she is and always finds a way to feed her “soul”
Even after having 4 C-sections and never quite getting that pre-pregnancy body back, I have accepted that it’s ok. My hubby doesn’t seem to mind and quite frankly he LIKES having something to hold onto…and Lord knows there is plenty of that going on here!!
What a great post, Jamie…thanks!
Thanks, guys! Every one of these comments boosts my testimony of the gift of bodies. Emily, I, too, take a little comfort in the special hell that awaits those that hurt children…I always think to myself, “Here’s a millstone for your neck…and there’s the Yellowstone River…!” Justine, I kind of take the same approach with my daughters. I think part of my problem came from appearance being such an issie growing up, and I decided that it just wouldn’t be in my house. We try to avoid subjective or worldly standards, and stick to standards and words that are cut-and-dried, like “modest/immodest”, “clean”, “healthy”, “appropriate”, “fun”, and “happy”. I hope that “pretty” or “cool” or “Skinny’ or “hot” won’t hold so much sway over their hearts when they know they are clean and healthy and happy!!
(PS: Hi Jenn! Thanks for the comments!
This makes me think of an experience I had a few months ago. I was reading an article about the “comfort women” coerced into sexual slavery by the Japanese in WWII. This particular article focused on the women forced to “service” American troops and on the ramifications of that experience for the women. As I read I wept, and I prayed to understand how Heavenly Father can allow such treatment of his daughters. The answer I received was a prfound impression of the magnitiude of all fo the suffering involved in that war, and particularly that that the perpetrators brought upon themselves, and correspondingly of the incredible love and power wrapped up in the gift of the Atonement, given by One who was willing to descend below us all, and who has the power to heal us all.
Good thinks, James.
I just yesterday got called for the ‘leventy-umpteenth time to work with the YW (hurrah!). What I’m personally working on at the moment is discovering hidden places inside me that are holding onto wrong attitudes about my body, my abilities, my gifts, etc. It’s so important to me to learn how to pass on a legacy of strength, confidence, purity, and self-respect.
I want to write more by way of response, but my computer keeps putting itself to sleep every 15 seconds. Very annoying.
thank you annegb for this:
And clear as day a voice came to me: “This spirit is going to come whether it’s through your body or not. Your worst is better than many peoples’ best. You could be saving her.â€
you triggered a light bulb (a-ha!) kind of moment for me. i have been feeling done & unwilling to try for more children since our struggle to get pregnant has been long/difficult. but your comment gave me some hope. i could definitely try for more children if i thought of it as an act of service. what a different way of looking at our situation.