S e g u l l a h
Focus Column
What is Joy?
After over fifteen years of medical procedures and doctors, my friend was pregnant. A mere three weeks before her baby was due, his umbilical cord became wrapped around his neck, and he died. They buried him in the smallest casket I have ever seen. In the last year alone, I've been to funerals of young mothers, watched friends' marriages disintegrate, seen husbands sent overseas to Iraq, read about tsunami victims, helped orphans in Haiti, wept with victims of abuse, and struggled to understand the statement that “men [and women] are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). Two weeks ago you could have found me crying at my computer desk; the genealogy record listed death dates, over a century old, not even my family—yet how could anyone not wince to see that three brothers, ages eleven, seven and five, died on the same day in 1897? I have three boys. Accidents happen.
Some days I know why Christ is “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Mosiah 14:3). Life in this fallen world makes me wonder how we are to have anything more than fleeting moments of joy.
Some of my wonderings have led me to define “joy” as something different than “happiness,” if only for my own rhetorical purposes. For me, happiness is a feeling largely based on external circumstances, events, and relationships—all of which I never have as much ability to influence as I wish. I feel happy when my kids do well in school. I feel happy when my husband compliments me. I feel happy when my students give me good teacher evaluations. I try to heighten my happiness: I study with my kids, I prepare a thorough syllabus and think of creative lesson plans, I tell my husband I like him to say nice things . . . but my husband sometimes has bad days or meetings or endless phone calls and does not say much to me at all, my kids clearly have their own minds, and a few students hate English no matter how many dog-and-pony shows I put on. Joy must be something else, something more stable, less volatile, more long-lasting, and less ephemeral—something dependent on eternal and internal matters, rather than matters beyond my control. Elder F. Enzio Busche explains, “[I]n each of us is the potential for two opposing situations. A person can experience feelings of joy that become almost unbearable. Or a person can experience unhappiness to the extent that there seems to be no way out.”[1] While we might “believe that circumstances are the deciding factor in happiness,” such is not the case.[2]
Lehi teaches that joy and misery are intricately intertwined. Indeed, we can “have no joy” if we do not “know” misery. While it is easy to slip into platitudes about what will bring us joy, it is rather more difficult to open ourselves to grief and misery and allow ourselves to thoroughly “know” the pain life inevitably brings. Yet once in awhile I notice how much room is created in a heart scoured by pain; I see how much stronger the joy is, almost unbearable in fact, when we have faced and felt the alternatives. It is a strange paradox that we need both to feel either, and that neither is based on external conditions as much as one might suppose. We asked our readers to consider the scripture in 2 Nephi 2:25 and to ponder: What is joy? How, when and where do you find joy? How does it impact your life? Here are a few responses.
—Kylie Turley, Focus Editor
The difference between joy and happiness is that joy is spiritual. Recently I had surgery on my feet, and I received a priesthood blessing. I was lying on the couch with my feet up, and I was just filled with the most all encompassing warmth. That was joy. It was purely spiritual. One of my sons was recently called to the high council. When he told me, I felt joy. I wasn't just proud of him. I was deeply moved to know that he had a testimony, that he was worthy, and that he was serving the Lord. That was joy. I also feel joy when my testimony is strengthened or affirmed. Every month it is my goal to read the Ensign from cover to cover. Sometimes I am touched so deeply by what I read that it seems to be written just for me. That spiritual manifestation is a form of joy. The gospel is the source of strength and joy.
—Bonnie Schultz
It's always very painful to see a child turn from values that you hold dear to your heart. When our son decided that he didn't need to attend church meetings or seminary any more, that hurt! You pray with all your heart that Heavenly Father will help him to feel something spiritual, that he will know in his heart that the things he's been taught are true. As the years pass, you watch and wait and pray for a miracle. It's a joy when you see small sprouts of hope popping up. They start to flower, and you thank Heavenly Father and continue to pray for stronger growth. My son was recently married in the Mt. Timpanogos temple. What a beautiful, joy-filled day. Joy to me feels like contentment, a full heart and gratitude. When you're doing the right thing and doing what you can, joy finds you!
—Lynette Gardiner
While my husband was finishing a 1-year internship for medical school, we decided not to have children. Our plan did not work. I was unhappy when we found out I was pregnant, and really upset to discover the baby's due date was the exact date of Michael's graduation in San Francisco. I slowly decided to accept God's will, but, as the time drew near for the baby to be born, the magnitude of having a baby, packing up a house, then moving and flying to a graduation seemed overwhelming. One day I offered the sincerest prayer to the Lord. The anxiety I felt subsided, replaced by the comfort and light I needed to press forward. Two weeks later (but two weeks early) I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I will never forget how I felt while looking down at my precious new baby. The darkness was replaced with brightness and great joy. I feel like I now understand why the Lord provides us with opposition in all things. Having personally experienced darkness and uncertainty made the joy all the more sweet.
—Wendy Petranek
Reading a recent article about the common “depressed mother” sent my mind reeling. If you and I “are that [we] might have joy,” why is it so hard for so many to find? Yet when I realized that not only are women not enjoying motherhood, but a greater majority of people simply aren't enjoying life, I understood. Life and motherhood are not the problems—rather, it is us and our realization of what brings joy. I truly love life and find great joy in mothering; I love stepping outside for a run in fresh dawn, and feeling the clean thrill of a new day. I love curling up with a freshly bathed toddler in Downy pajamas. I love pondering on my porch at sundown, capturing lessons learned in careful prose. During these moments, my heart echoes e.e. cummings's lines: “i thank You God for this most amazing day . . . for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes.” And yet these joys aren't free—they are secreted in sacrifice, surrounded with self-discipline, and revealed through righteousness. Joseph Smith taught, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.” Talk about a path less traveled!
—Emily Halverson
I've been caring for my critically ill husband for the past few years. It has been a time of great challenges, but also the joy that comes from drawing closer to the Lord and serving one that is dearly loved. We do not in advance know how the Lord will take us from where we are to where we need to be . . . we only know that we MUST walk in faith, nothing doubting. And when the journey seems unbearable we can take comfort in the words of the Lord: “I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold I will heal thee” (2 Kings 20:5).
We have much reason to hope. Joy can be ours, for joy is not the absence of disappointments, or heartache, or trials or suffering, or the absence of illness and infirmities. For true joy is the presence of God. And we can rejoice for the Lord said, “Verily, verily I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy.” (D&C 11:13)
—Marianne Hatton
Let our things serve us as a reminder as to where real joy commences.
—Kimberly Beal
[1] F. Enzio Busche, Yearning for the Living God (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 2004), 274.
[2] Ibid., 275 (Busche’s italics).
Focus topic for Fall 2005: How does the gospel of Jesus Christ help you during difficult times?
Focus topic for Spring 2006: What insight would you share with a young woman who is considering serving a mission?
See guidelines to respond.
