Comments on: On scriptures and prayer http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 09 Feb 2012 22:01:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Dalene http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-106496 Dalene Wed, 01 Oct 2008 12:29:46 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-106496 Meredith--and everyone--I appreciate the courage it took for you to share your stories. Thank you! Meredith–and everyone–I appreciate the courage it took for you to share your stories. Thank you!

]]> By: Meredith http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-106354 Meredith Tue, 30 Sep 2008 22:19:29 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-106354 Several years ago, my husband had a mental breakdown. A series of extremely difficult, and faith-trying, circumstances had combined to break him. Since then, my spirituality has increased dramatically, while his initially took a huge nose dive. He quit wearing his garments, refused to go to church, and would have nothing to do with scriptures, prayers, or FHE. He even tore up his temple recommend and threw it on the floor at my feet. Through those years I learned that I could only be responsible for myself and my children. Heavenly Father will force no man into Heaven, so why should I try to force my husband? I just did what I knew was the right thing for me to do, and took comfort in knowing that "all flesh is in [His] hands; be still and know that [He is] God." (D&C) However, I also had to really learn what Jesus Christ meant when he said, "As I have loved thee, love one another." How does he love us? Unconditionally. No matter what. Whether we read our scriptures or not, pray or not, go to church, or not. So, I resolved to just love my husband, and let go of my worries about him. I had to develop faith that things would work out exactly as Heavenly Father intended them to, whether I worried about them or not. One day, early on in this trial, I saw a sign on a church marquee that said, "Worry is the darkroom where negatives develop." That hit me like crazy. All the worrying I was doing about him was making my outlook negative, enveloping me in a cloud of gloom, and that was impacting not only me, but my children. After that, I resolved to let my husband go, figuratively speaking, and move forward as best I could without him. That was painful, but the most important decision I have ever made. My focus changed from trying to "fix" my husband, to my kids. We immersed ourselves in service, attended all church activities, showed up to church on time, and never missed family prayers or scriptures. Doing these things without my husband was hard, but I knew that this was his trial to work out, and I couldn't do it for him. The worrying I did was only distracting me from what I was supposed to be doing -- parenting my children and preparing them as best I could for their own eternal progression. Eventually, my husband started coming back to church. He is still taking baby steps, but he will read scriptures and say prayers with us now. I never ask him to join us -- I just round up the kids. That way it is totally his choice. I have no idea what other progression he may make, but I don't worry about it anymore. I hope that we will be together in the end, in the Celestial kingdom, but nothing I do will guarantee anything other than my own progression. I don't know if any of that is helpful, but I hope it gives you some sort of insight. Several years ago, my husband had a mental breakdown. A series of extremely difficult, and faith-trying, circumstances had combined to break him. Since then, my spirituality has increased dramatically, while his initially took a huge nose dive. He quit wearing his garments, refused to go to church, and would have nothing to do with scriptures, prayers, or FHE. He even tore up his temple recommend and threw it on the floor at my feet. Through those years I learned that I could only be responsible for myself and my children. Heavenly Father will force no man into Heaven, so why should I try to force my husband? I just did what I knew was the right thing for me to do, and took comfort in knowing that “all flesh is in [His] hands; be still and know that [He is] God.” (D&C)

However, I also had to really learn what Jesus Christ meant when he said, “As I have loved thee, love one another.” How does he love us? Unconditionally. No matter what. Whether we read our scriptures or not, pray or not, go to church, or not. So, I resolved to just love my husband, and let go of my worries about him. I had to develop faith that things would work out exactly as Heavenly Father intended them to, whether I worried about them or not.

One day, early on in this trial, I saw a sign on a church marquee that said, “Worry is the darkroom where negatives develop.” That hit me like crazy. All the worrying I was doing about him was making my outlook negative, enveloping me in a cloud of gloom, and that was impacting not only me, but my children. After that, I resolved to let my husband go, figuratively speaking, and move forward as best I could without him. That was painful, but the most important decision I have ever made. My focus changed from trying to “fix” my husband, to my kids. We immersed ourselves in service, attended all church activities, showed up to church on time, and never missed family prayers or scriptures. Doing these things without my husband was hard, but I knew that this was his trial to work out, and I couldn’t do it for him. The worrying I did was only distracting me from what I was supposed to be doing — parenting my children and preparing them as best I could for their own eternal progression.

Eventually, my husband started coming back to church. He is still taking baby steps, but he will read scriptures and say prayers with us now. I never ask him to join us — I just round up the kids. That way it is totally his choice. I have no idea what other progression he may make, but I don’t worry about it anymore. I hope that we will be together in the end, in the Celestial kingdom, but nothing I do will guarantee anything other than my own progression.

I don’t know if any of that is helpful, but I hope it gives you some sort of insight.

]]> By: Sara http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103886 Sara Sun, 21 Sep 2008 05:05:31 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103886 Thank you Kathryn. I'm keeping that comment to read again and again. Thank you Kathryn. I’m keeping that comment to read again and again.

]]> By: Sunrise Tantalize http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103861 Sunrise Tantalize Sun, 21 Sep 2008 03:14:23 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103861 [...] are in a relationship where we may be more devout than our significant other, there’s a great related post on Blog Segullah. The poster [...] [...] are in a relationship where we may be more devout than our significant other, there’s a great related post on Blog Segullah. The poster [...]

]]> By: Dan http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103726 Dan Sat, 20 Sep 2008 15:44:57 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103726 I learned a very valuable lesson about motivating others and helping others become their best possible self while on my mission. My mission president and his wife always saw the best in others. He viewed me as if I was already my best possible self, and he articulated that to me on several occasions. It instilled in me a desire to be the person he saw when he looked at me. I don't think that I ever became that person fully, but I know that tried to, because I loved him, and I knew that he loved me. I learned a very valuable lesson about motivating others and helping others become their best possible self while on my mission.

My mission president and his wife always saw the best in others. He viewed me as if I was already my best possible self, and he articulated that to me on several occasions.

It instilled in me a desire to be the person he saw when he looked at me. I don’t think that I ever became that person fully, but I know that tried to, because I loved him, and I knew that he loved me.

]]> By: anon from the post http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103453 anon from the post Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:48:09 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103453 Dear sisters, Thank you so much for your compassionate support! You enabled me to refocus in the midst of our trials. I will be printing out your words to put in my journal as a future reminder to follow the Savior's counsel to "continue ye in my love". To the sisters who know too well what I feel: keep up your great faith knowing that despite appearances you are not alone. It is hard when those who don't have problems like this act as if problems of this type are a deal breaker. It is the stuff of real life. To quote Kathryn Soper, "let yourself become better by learning to love imperfect people. Like I love you.” What a blessing the internet and especially this blog is. In pondering it all I don't know where I could have gotten such great advice and love without compromising my husband's privacy and agency. Again, thank you sisters! Dear sisters,
Thank you so much for your compassionate support! You enabled me to refocus in the midst of our trials. I will be printing out your words to put in my journal as a future reminder to follow the Savior’s counsel to “continue ye in my love”.

To the sisters who know too well what I feel: keep up your great faith knowing that despite appearances you are not alone. It is hard when those who don’t have problems like this act as if problems of this type are a deal breaker. It is the stuff of real life. To quote Kathryn Soper, “let yourself become better by learning to love imperfect people. Like I love you.”

What a blessing the internet and especially this blog is. In pondering it all I don’t know where I could have gotten such great advice and love without compromising my husband’s privacy and agency.

Again, thank you sisters!

]]> By: SingleSpeed http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103306 SingleSpeed Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:58:47 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103306 The author of this post seems unwilling to consider that maybe her husband just has a *different* way of worshipping or praying. I can't recall the last time I've actually knelt down, closed my eyes, bowed my head, and offered a typical 4-step prayer. But it doesn't mean I'm not communicating with God. Based on what is written in the original post, I think it is inappropriate to assume your husband is even having a crisis of faith at all. Enos said he prayed for an entire day while he was hunting. Does that mean he was actually on his knees all day, or was his soul communicating with God while he hunted? I guess it's debatable, but I vote for the latter. The author of this post seems unwilling to consider that maybe her husband just has a *different* way of worshipping or praying. I can’t recall the last time I’ve actually knelt down, closed my eyes, bowed my head, and offered a typical 4-step prayer. But it doesn’t mean I’m not communicating with God.

Based on what is written in the original post, I think it is inappropriate to assume your husband is even having a crisis of faith at all.

Enos said he prayed for an entire day while he was hunting. Does that mean he was actually on his knees all day, or was his soul communicating with God while he hunted? I guess it’s debatable, but I vote for the latter.

]]> By: Claudia http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103218 Claudia Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:52:23 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103218 Kathryn: Thank you. There is nothing else to say, thank you. Kathryn: Thank you. There is nothing else to say, thank you.

]]> By: edawn http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103195 edawn Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:18:08 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103195 I would be asking what it is that makes him not want to pray or read his scriptures. There could be some fear or hurt that he is hiding. I would be asking what it is that makes him not want to pray or read his scriptures. There could be some fear or hurt that he is hiding.

]]> By: Strollerblader http://segullah.org/up-close/ask-nine-women/on-scriptures-and-prayer/#comment-103127 Strollerblader Thu, 18 Sep 2008 06:16:42 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=1065#comment-103127 I am right with you there, Anonymous. I think I've got a pretty precise understanding of the things that are going through your mind and the things you're feeling. But, I feel like I've made it through the hardest parts. No, my husband has not stepped farther back into the Church, but *I* have found peace. I KNOW that if I do what I should that Heavenly Father will make everything turn out for me. Does that mean that I will be in the Celestial Kingdom with my dh? I don't know. All I KNOW is that in the end, I will see with perfect clarity all that He's done for me and be happier than I ever dreamed I could be with the outcome that He's helped orchestrate, despite my spouse's agency. I also realized, after the panic settled down, that my husband is a great guy. So maybe we don't share the same faith, but that is definitely no reason to ditch him. It would be like considering breaking up your marriage because your husband changed to a different political party than you. (Yeah, I know that trivializes the whole concept of eternity... but not if you believe as I do that I'll be so suprisedly happy over how HF helps everything turn out.) I also remembered the covenants I made when we got married. If I don't keep up my end of them, then I've got no hope for a good eternity. I can only be responsible for me and my choices. I had a branch president once tell me this (I was still single at the time): "Sometimes I think that marriage is just about learning to live with just one person for your life. God doesn't expect us to learn how to get along with everyone, but he does expect us to learn to live with one person during our lifetime." At the time I thought that that was a very depressing view of marriage, but now that I'm 12 years into it, I can totally understand the profound-ness of this comment. So I am focusing on learning to love and live with just this one person. Imperfect-and-constantly-changing me is learning how to live with and love imperfect-and-constantly-changing him. Best wishes navigating the tricky waters! Keep the faith! I am right with you there, Anonymous. I think I’ve got a pretty precise understanding of the things that are going through your mind and the things you’re feeling. But, I feel like I’ve made it through the hardest parts. No, my husband has not stepped farther back into the Church, but *I* have found peace.

I KNOW that if I do what I should that Heavenly Father will make everything turn out for me. Does that mean that I will be in the Celestial Kingdom with my dh? I don’t know. All I KNOW is that in the end, I will see with perfect clarity all that He’s done for me and be happier than I ever dreamed I could be with the outcome that He’s helped orchestrate, despite my spouse’s agency.

I also realized, after the panic settled down, that my husband is a great guy. So maybe we don’t share the same faith, but that is definitely no reason to ditch him. It would be like considering breaking up your marriage because your husband changed to a different political party than you. (Yeah, I know that trivializes the whole concept of eternity… but not if you believe as I do that I’ll be so suprisedly happy over how HF helps everything turn out.) I also remembered the covenants I made when we got married. If I don’t keep up my end of them, then I’ve got no hope for a good eternity. I can only be responsible for me and my choices.

I had a branch president once tell me this (I was still single at the time): “Sometimes I think that marriage is just about learning to live with just one person for your life. God doesn’t expect us to learn how to get along with everyone, but he does expect us to learn to live with one person during our lifetime.” At the time I thought that that was a very depressing view of marriage, but now that I’m 12 years into it, I can totally understand the profound-ness of this comment. So I am focusing on learning to love and live with just this one person. Imperfect-and-constantly-changing me is learning how to live with and love imperfect-and-constantly-changing him.

Best wishes navigating the tricky waters! Keep the faith!

]]>