Comments on: Too late to start over?

By: Leah

Leah — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 03:58:50 +0000

My dad went back to school at the age of 45 with 9 children (7 still at home). He graduated with a bachelor’s degree at the top of his class. The time will pass whether or not your husband uses it to get an education. I recommend the education route 100%. my husband and I both have degrees, and were among the first in our family’s to obtain them. Our education has been such a blessing to us. An employment specialist once said, “You can suffer a little now, or you can suffer for the rest of your life.” Good luck–you can do it….& say lots of prayers too! =)

By: Johnna

Johnna — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 17:09:35 +0000

When we lived in married student housing in Michigan, there were families with school age children in our complex, some in the ward, some who weren’t LDS. The schools were good, and the courtyards of student housing foster community. It’s not easy being poor with kids doing undergrad, but it is less easy to be poor without a way out. Your children might share some of the sacrifices, but they will share the benefits of stability for your family.

By: Stephen M (Ethesis)

Stephen M (Ethesis) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 02:51:02 +0000

When Courtney died eleven months after Jessica died, leaving us with one surviving child, my wife felt unemployed and went back to school. First she got her nurses aid (which takes less than six weeks), then her BSRN, then we had Robin, who died, then we moved to DFW so she could start a CRNA program, we had Rachel (named after the Rachel who took seven years …) who is now eight.

It was difficult and hard and without God pushing us it would not have happened. But I’m 52 and it wasn’t that long ago I was still old by the standards of most people who post here.

Was it hard on our surviving child? Yes, but she endured with the rest of us. Hard on Rachel, yes, but she tests more than a standard deviation better than the target for fourth grade (and, as the only kid in the school who jumped a grade, is the shortest and youngest kid there by a margin).

It is possible.

By: Adri

Adri — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 01:09:33 +0000

Our best friends bit the bullet and he went back to grad school at age 38. It was a 6-year commitment, including the pre-requisites and the 4-year program. They moved out of their large home into a small, 3-bedroom condo, with three children in tow. They gave up much. But, they felt it was right for their family. I think that is the bottom line…it is the RIGHT thing for your family. Here are a few things I know they have done over the last 5 1/2 years (he is graduating in May!) to help the situation:

* They religiously met together monthly, as a couple, to work through finances, and both were committed to the changes they agreed upon. Seriously, this was scheduled on the calendar.
* She did as much free-lance work in her former profession as was possible. Have you ever considered in-home tutoring? Running a preschool?
* Everything was cut back to the basics. Even their then-8-year-old understood that they would just have to do with less.

Good luck!

By: Cindy

Cindy — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 02:49:58 +0000

I am the oldest of 10 kids. My dad went back to school just before the birth of the 9th. He had been a teacher and decided that he was not going to be able to continue to support our family on a teacher’s salary. My parents were fortunate that they had lived in CA where house values were high so that helped them be able to afford to move and buy a house. My dad worked FULL TIME and went to school FULL time so that he was able to graduate from chiropractic college without a huge amount of student loans. Having experienced this in my life, I would only suggest this alternative (working & school full time) if you are certain it is the route that the Lord has chosen for you. In our family only the first 2 or 3 kids have childhood memories of our dad. The kids younger than that missed out on him because he was almost never home. But almost worse than that was the fact that after 5 years back in college he never truly re-engaged in our family. He was so used to being busy and gone all of the time, it was very difficult and time-consuming for him to establish a practice, and things never got back to normal. I’m all for going back to college and incurring a reasonable amount of debt seeking an education that you know will provide a good living for your family and enable you to pay off that debt. I would just encourage both of you to do everything you can to come out at the other end without your kids feeling like they’ve lost one of their parents…

By: ~j.

~j. — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:19:32 +0000

Carina is right – going to school is imperative. And, as elizabeth-w pointed out, if you’re going to have loans, student loans are the best kind to have (not only low interest rates, but many can have deferred payments until the schooling is finished). There are many schools geared towards working adults (I’m parital to Argosy – http://www.argosy.edu/ – which has VERY flexible schedules in its 19 campuses across the U.S., as well as online classes). These schools allow for people to have jobs and work on their degrees on their own time.

Best wishes, and hang in there! You can do it!

By: Moddy

Moddy — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:58:51 +0000

Harlene, you made a great point, about companies that help with school. my husband started working at a company like that mainly because it was just part time, we got full benifits, and they had tution reimbursement. Now 7 yrs later he is working for them full time and he’s going back to school again, this time for his MBA, he’ll be done next September. He chose to go to a school that is geared towards working adults. He goes once a week in the evening and while it’s still ALOT of work it has been worth it. And he’s found talking to the other people in his classes, most of them choose that type of school because they could still work full time while going to school.

By: jendoop

jendoop — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 16:02:56 +0000

Harlene, Your comment comforted my heart. I don’t want to thread-jack but suffice it to say I worry greatly for my children in our crazy circumstances.

By: Harlene

Harlene — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 03:45:58 +0000

Your husband finishing school will never be regretted. There are a lot of options out there including, UPS who offers full medical and dental benefits for part time employees with tuition reimbursement as well. Home Depot and Lowes offer similar programs. As for you, many schools will hire on what is called a “preliminary certification”. You have the job while you are updating your license.

We have had our fair share of job changes and moves as well. I have spent many hours on my knees wondering how Heavenly Father had entrusted me with these precious kids. I can say looking back, that my kids have gleaned more from how we’ve handled challenges than they ever would have gleaned from the ideal childhood I had hoped for them. Pray for guidance, pray for faith, pray for your husband and love him. As others have said, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. My husband also didn’t want to open up about our situation. Once we did, we learned how much everyone around us cared and were sincerely looking for opportunities for him.

Good Luck, you are in my prayers!

By: Di

Di — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 22:14:19 +0000

My parents immigrated to this country speaking very little English, gave birth to 3 daughters in 5 years, both worked multiple jobs (at one point my father was a stereotyped dishwasher and my mother did menial labor as well), and at ‘midpoint’ my mother returned to school at night (learning to be a computer programmer) while my father continued working full-time and was also a student. Now as a physician, I reflect on the tremendous sacrifices they made on our behalf. We didn’t have much growing up but we certainly had their love. They did have the help of their parents very intermittently. We did not have support from LDS church members as my parents were not and are not LDS. What I learned from them was true sacrifice. You can do it! I may not offer much in terms of a formal plan, but as a person of courage, I offer you support and insight that your children will thank you in the end for making the tough choices now for future outcomes.