If At First You Don’t Succeed

Posted by Heather H. | September 13, 2007 | 8 Comments

So I have a pile of books by my bed, on my shelf, on the computer desk; okay, that’s three piles of books. These are books I’ve started reading or am planning to read. Raise your hand if you have a pile or two of your own? I know I’m not alone. So when Mara issued the challenge, the book challenge to read fifteen hours in a week or read 1400 pages I thought, “Great I accept!” I will get rid of one of those piles in only a week.

Well, I didn’t. I failed. I thought, “I’ll sign up for a blog post date, a deadline will help me meet this challenge.” A deadline hearkens back to the days of France (smile if you know where this reference comes from) when I would forego sleep and proper meals so I could turn in a fabulous paper on time, or study extra hard for an exam that would be handed back to me with a 97 circled on top. And even though I know this blog won’t be graded, I also know that people are expecting me to finish the book challenge and write something lovely about the magic of reading. I’m not the kind of gal who likes to disappoint, and if you know me at all, you’re laughing hysterically at the gross understatement of the last comment. But today I am going to tell you that I didn’t do what I said I would do, I failed, I know why, and I’m going to learn from my mistakes.

The following explanation will not be an excuse; I am in no way trying to justify my failure, but as a human I do feel I deserve the right to give an explanation and I deserve to be heard, possibly even understood. A few minutes ago, after I had written just a few lines of this post I looked to my left because I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Sure enough a mouse stood frozen at the gap near my dishwasher. I got up from the computer to go find some traps and he scurried away into his safe unreachable place, a place that even the exterminator’s poison cannot seem to penetrate. I knew he was there, watching me move about my kitchen, waiting for a moment to emerge and find the bountiful remnants of my pregnancy-induced sub-standard house cleaning. And the fact that he waited and watched, unable to be reached sent me into a bit of a tizzy. I got out the broom, swept the floor, got down on my hands and knees to wipe up anything sticky with a hot wet cloth, then put out four new traps, in all the places I could imagine him running to hide. My kitchen isn’t big, but this process took me at least twenty minutes.

I came back to the computer and typed a few more sentences, I think I even got to the part about the days of France. I laughed at my little joke just as I heard a cry from the other room. Unfortunately it wasn’t the pitiful squeaky cry of a mouse caught in the act, but my two-year-old had woken up, disoriented in his bed, searching for his Dora cup. This required re-tucking, comforting, and a few strokes on his white-blonde head. He settled and as I turned to go I tripped over block-shapes filled with something that makes them rattle and all but punctured the ball of my foot on the spiky tail of some kind of plastic lizard. I had decided to overlook the toys earlier so that I’d have time to write my blog post about how I’m a failure, with a throbbing in my toe I overturned that decision in favor of fewer foot injuries in case additional night visits became necessary. Picking up and putting away the toys took me about ten minutes.

So I came back to the computer and re-read what I had so far and wondered why on earth anyone would want to read this post about what I learned from failing a challenge. This is supposed to be about the magic of reading, not the inevitability of failing to read and think as a mother of young children in a small New York apartment.

And so with my abstract explanation behind me I hope you’ll understand that this evening is not much different than most of my other evenings, mornings, and afternoons. I’m not always chasing mice (thought it’s more often than I’d like), my kids don’t always wake up in the night (no really, they don’t), but there is always something, something that feels urgent and necessary that gets in the way. It’s hard, it’s a bummer, I’m disappointed that I can’t forego sleep and proper meals and somehow make it happen. But a cheesy phrase comes to mind, and here’s where the pity party stops and I get to tell you something awesome, “Shoot for the moon; you may end up among the stars.” I didn’t read fifteen hours in one week or finish three books or get rid of one of my piles. But in my preparation for and attempt at the book challenge I did read more than I would have. And I didn’t just read, I talked to my friends about what they’re reading, I had discussions with my husband about his favorite books, I recalled my own favorites and shared how literature and writing has touched and changed me in the past. I became anxious for that to happen again and it has. I finished re-reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and am half way through Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (I really couldn’t let it go after Deathly Hallows, I had to start again. I missed my Harry too much.). I am awaiting a copy of Eclipse, I make no attempt to justify my enthusiasm for the third installment; it’s not meaty, it’s got issues, but it’s like brain candy (maybe that was justification). I began a beautiful novel called Moloka’i that has already made me weep with heartache for the characters. When I forgot my other books and had time at a friend’s house I started a novel called A Most Uncommon Degree of Popularity that tries to unfold the disconcerting pattern of meangirls and queen bees and that adolescent stuff I find so fascinating and scary. I borrowed a copy of Kite Runner from my friend, because I’ve heard too much about it to keep passing it up. It now sits at the top of one of my piles. I’ve begun racking my brain to remember which friend I leant Rough Stone Rolling to, so I can get it back and read it. Though I failed the actual challenge I believe I have achieved the original goal. I’ll report back as I do finish these books and it will be a literary post, that makes you all run to your library in search of a good book. I promise. For now I have to go back into the kitchen and check the traps. I haven’t heard any squeaking, but hey, I’m shooting for the moon.

Category: Book Challenge

Comments

8 Responses to “If At First You Don’t Succeed”

Leolani
September 14th, 2007 @ 8:42 am

We do what we can with the books we tell ourselves we have to read. I’ve been fortunate enough to have time to read far too many books in a short amount of time but I am a bit over exhuberant. I’m reading kite runner right now and I look forward to your review of Moloka’i. I love the escape of reading.
Nathan
September 14th, 2007 @ 9:18 am

Heather!
I loved every word of this blog and cherish every smile and giggle and memory and thought of you and the kids, it afforded me…

Now-leaving the personal part of the blog behind-

about reaching for the stars and achieving the moon…. “cheesy” things exist because they actually communicate something universal and important for us, individually and socially. The fact that you used a “cheesy” phrase to express your experience with reading so much, allowed me the opportunity to contemplate how “cheesy” phrases are easy ways to say something big and important and universal…AND how books are also “easier” ways for us to experience the lives of others in way that allows them to have GREAT importance to us socially and individually and spiritually…

Even if you didn’t read 1400 pages in a week–as you say–you still had how many pages of little journeys into someone else’s way of seeing the world…

Okay, if this makes no sense…its because I speak Russian (very, very, very poorly) these days and haven’t written a penetrable sentence in English in over a week!
Wendy
September 14th, 2007 @ 9:40 am

Heather, this is fantastic! I love your descriptions of your motherhood/responsible adult distractions. I love that you said you at least read more than you otherwise would have. Since I did the reading challenge, I haven’t read a lot, but I have read much more than I used to, and so I feel great about that. Bravo for your efforts!

Shall we start a “We like the Twilight series Anonymous” club? Hi, my name is Wendy, and I like nice Vampires.
Angie
September 14th, 2007 @ 10:38 am

I’m proud of you for not forgoing sleep, meals, and childcare. Being a good mom, day in and day out, is a worthy challenge too.
Heather H.
September 14th, 2007 @ 4:47 pm

Hi Wendy, my name is Heather, and I like nice vampires too.

I think as long as I keep thinking of myself as a reader, then I will keep plugging away at my piles of books, whether its fourteen hours a week or a month. Some seasons of my life will allow more time for reading than others, but what this has reminded me that even spending a few minutes every day is worth it. For all the reasons you said Nate, to experience lives of others, and to have my perspective challenged and expanded, to learn, and yes to escape.
Emily M.
September 14th, 2007 @ 5:18 pm

Heather, I only got my book challenge done because 1-I extended the amount of time to include an entire month, and 2-during that time I went on two vacations, thus enabling me to read during the long car rides. So no guilt.

And eeek! on the mouse!
Wendy
September 15th, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

Ditto on the no-guilt command. The only reason I got mine done was no kids, no job, dirty dishes, and patient husband.

Down with guilt!
Justine
September 15th, 2007 @ 3:12 pm

My book piles only grow, they never ever get smaller. I keep adding new books that intrigue me at a much faster rate than I finish anything! Nice to hear I’m not the only one…

Just keep plugging along. We’ll all be thinking women again one day.