Comments on: Open Eyes, Open Heart http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 24 May 2012 14:57:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: jks http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-168094 jks Mon, 21 Dec 2009 00:43:11 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-168094 Love is a choice. It may be easier to choose when a baby comes from our womb, or when someone is exclusively ours. I truly believe that with a lot of effort, step-parents can come to truly love their step-children. It takes daily effort and is a continual choice. Some are willing to make the effort, some people aren't or find it too difficult. I believe, however, that it is an effort that is worth it. I applaud all step-parents who step up and choose to love every day. Kids deserve that. Love is a choice. It may be easier to choose when a baby comes from our womb, or when someone is exclusively ours. I truly believe that with a lot of effort, step-parents can come to truly love their step-children. It takes daily effort and is a continual choice. Some are willing to make the effort, some people aren’t or find it too difficult. I believe, however, that it is an effort that is worth it.
I applaud all step-parents who step up and choose to love every day. Kids deserve that.

]]> By: discovery – segullah post by katrina « the daily delights http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167831 discovery – segullah post by katrina « the daily delights Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:42:40 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167831 [...] post about becoming a step-mom of three and a mother of two in a few short years?  Here is a fabulous article my friend Katrina (Musings of a Redhead) posted at [...] [...] post about becoming a step-mom of three and a mother of two in a few short years?  Here is a fabulous article my friend Katrina (Musings of a Redhead) posted at [...]

]]> By: trina berg http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167828 trina berg Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:33:32 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167828 Soo proud of you girl! This is a beautiful post. You have an incredible talent for helping others to have that open heart and eyes. One of the reasons you're such a great photographer! I luv you, thx for sharing! luv, trina Soo proud of you girl! This is a beautiful post. You have an incredible talent for helping others to have that open heart and eyes. One of the reasons you’re such a great photographer! I luv you, thx for sharing! luv, trina

]]> By: Sage http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167599 Sage Wed, 16 Dec 2009 12:25:15 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167599 My FIL wanted to love his step child so much (my mil was pregnant by her first husband when they married) that they never told their kids about the first marriage or the real father. We only found out recently upon my FIL's passing. Unfortunately for my brother-in-law, his birth father died a year ago. So at age 46 he just found out why he wasn't as much like his "dad" as his two other "brothers". My FIL wanted to love his step child so much (my mil was pregnant by her first husband when they married) that they never told their kids about the first marriage or the real father. We only found out recently upon my FIL’s passing. Unfortunately for my brother-in-law, his birth father died a year ago. So at age 46 he just found out why he wasn’t as much like his “dad” as his two other “brothers”.

]]> By: Sage http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167598 Sage Wed, 16 Dec 2009 12:24:25 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167598 My FIL wanted to love his step child so much (my mil was pregnant by her first husband when they married) that they never told their kids about the first marriage or the real father. We only found out recently upon my FIL's passing. Unfortunately for my brother-in-law his birth father died a year ago. So at age 46 he just found out why he wasn't as much like his "dad" as his two other "brothers". My FIL wanted to love his step child so much (my mil was pregnant by her first husband when they married) that they never told their kids about the first marriage or the real father. We only found out recently upon my FIL’s passing. Unfortunately for my brother-in-law his birth father died a year ago. So at age 46 he just found out why he wasn’t as much like his “dad” as his two other “brothers”.

]]> By: annon http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167555 annon Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:29:29 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167555 I come from a combined family with 2 blood siblings, 2 step sisters, and 2 half brothers. They are all my brothers and sisters. Period. I think stressing the "step" or "half" only creates a gap between the relaitonships. And my step dad, who truly is my dad, is the best. I feel like he loves me as much, sometimes even more than his own from his first marriage. I don't think I ever had to question his love for me, and mine for him. He raised me for half of my life, and loved me, and gave me boundaries and rules, and everything a daughter needs. I have no doubt that being a step-parent is hard. I don't think I could do it. But I know it's 100% possible to have a fantastic relationship with your step children, and to make them feel as loved as your very own. Good job... for taking on what so many others probably couldn't do! I come from a combined family with 2 blood siblings, 2 step sisters, and 2 half brothers. They are all my brothers and sisters. Period. I think stressing the “step” or “half” only creates a gap between the relaitonships. And my step dad, who truly is my dad, is the best. I feel like he loves me as much, sometimes even more than his own from his first marriage. I don’t think I ever had to question his love for me, and mine for him. He raised me for half of my life, and loved me, and gave me boundaries and rules, and everything a daughter needs.
I have no doubt that being a step-parent is hard. I don’t think I could do it. But I know it’s 100% possible to have a fantastic relationship with your step children, and to make them feel as loved as your very own.
Good job… for taking on what so many others probably couldn’t do!

]]> By: Katrina http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167544 Katrina Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:35:02 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167544 I've enjoyed all the comments so far. This is a topic that brings up a lot of emotion. There is so much more I could say about the many aspects of being a second wife and step-mother, but that could fill a book. I mostly wanted to show the perspective of a young LDS woman who is living a life that is in many ways different than what I expected. When I was first married, I ached to talk to anyone who was in a similar situation but didn't know anyone. I hope that this article may serve as a bit of insight and also comfort to anyone else out there in a similar situation. I know that step-parents are often seen as the villains, and I hope that I've shown that it doesn't have to be that way. I'm certainly not perfect by any means, but I truly do care about my step-children, want them to be happy, and have done my best to make our family feel whole. We never stress the fact that my son is "only" their half-brother. He is their brother. I can't lie and say that my feelings for my step kids are identical to my feelings for my son. They aren't and never will be. The bond is just different. As I said in my post, they already have a mother and so they don't feel about me the same way either. But that doesn't make our relationship unimportant. We still love each other. I am still their parent and the mother in our house. They respect me in that role. I have yet to hear "You aren't my mom, you can't tell me what to do." I'm still waiting. :-) My advice to someone who will be a step-parent is to really go into the situation with your eyes open. Realize that this is your choice and then make the best of it. Don't ignore the children. In a way you are marrying them to. Most importantly, love them! Children long for love, especially children whose parents are divorced. Try to be a stable figure in their lives. Be your best. You will make mistakes, but if you truly love them and tell them and show them, those mistakes will hopefully be forgiven and forgotten. Divorce is hardest on the children. No matter how amicable it is still not the natural state of being. Being a step-parent isn't a natural role either. If the world were perfect all children would be born to parents who love each other and stay together. Unfortunately, that's not how things are. We have truly tried to make the best of our situation. Our children have parents who love them and are doing their best. I think we are all very blessed. I’ve enjoyed all the comments so far. This is a topic that brings up a lot of emotion. There is so much more I could say about the many aspects of being a second wife and step-mother, but that could fill a book. I mostly wanted to show the perspective of a young LDS woman who is living a life that is in many ways different than what I expected. When I was first married, I ached to talk to anyone who was in a similar situation but didn’t know anyone. I hope that this article may serve as a bit of insight and also comfort to anyone else out there in a similar situation.

I know that step-parents are often seen as the villains, and I hope that I’ve shown that it doesn’t have to be that way. I’m certainly not perfect by any means, but I truly do care about my step-children, want them to be happy, and have done my best to make our family feel whole. We never stress the fact that my son is “only” their half-brother. He is their brother.

I can’t lie and say that my feelings for my step kids are identical to my feelings for my son. They aren’t and never will be. The bond is just different. As I said in my post, they already have a mother and so they don’t feel about me the same way either. But that doesn’t make our relationship unimportant. We still love each other. I am still their parent and the mother in our house. They respect me in that role. I have yet to hear “You aren’t my mom, you can’t tell me what to do.” I’m still waiting. :-)

My advice to someone who will be a step-parent is to really go into the situation with your eyes open. Realize that this is your choice and then make the best of it. Don’t ignore the children. In a way you are marrying them to. Most importantly, love them! Children long for love, especially children whose parents are divorced. Try to be a stable figure in their lives. Be your best. You will make mistakes, but if you truly love them and tell them and show them, those mistakes will hopefully be forgiven and forgotten.

Divorce is hardest on the children. No matter how amicable it is still not the natural state of being. Being a step-parent isn’t a natural role either. If the world were perfect all children would be born to parents who love each other and stay together. Unfortunately, that’s not how things are. We have truly tried to make the best of our situation. Our children have parents who love them and are doing their best. I think we are all very blessed.

]]> By: angela michelle http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167537 angela michelle Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:32:26 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167537 i'm the mother--the real, permanent, sealed mother--of a daughter born to another woman, who eventually relinquished her parental rights because the state was about to take them away. (which is a complicated way of saying I adopted our foster daughter.) so i'm trying to love a wonderful, sweet, beautiful girl who had a terrible beginning to life, who doesn't really understand how to give or receive love, who doesn't really believe i'll be here every day to do things like feed her. it is harder. for me, loving a baby i gave birth to (i have 4 of those) is so simple and easy. this kind of love is a bit harder, but not less real. i’m the mother–the real, permanent, sealed mother–of a daughter born to another woman, who eventually relinquished her parental rights because the state was about to take them away. (which is a complicated way of saying I adopted our foster daughter.) so i’m trying to love a wonderful, sweet, beautiful girl who had a terrible beginning to life, who doesn’t really understand how to give or receive love, who doesn’t really believe i’ll be here every day to do things like feed her. it is harder. for me, loving a baby i gave birth to (i have 4 of those) is so simple and easy. this kind of love is a bit harder, but not less real.

]]> By: Annon http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167406 Annon Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:23:59 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167406 I am posting annon because my mother might read this. I wanted to just thank you for a willingness to take on these children who need love and stability in their lives. I am a step-child, and though my step-mother came around when I was a teenager, she has been an incredible blessing in my life. While I of course do not know your family, I can appreciate the sacrifices you had to make in order to create a family. I am posting annon because my mother might read this. I wanted to just thank you for a willingness to take on these children who need love and stability in their lives. I am a step-child, and though my step-mother came around when I was a teenager, she has been an incredible blessing in my life. While I of course do not know your family, I can appreciate the sacrifices you had to make in order to create a family.

]]> By: jendoop http://segullah.org/up-close/open-eyes/#comment-167371 jendoop Mon, 14 Dec 2009 04:37:43 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5290#comment-167371 Thank you for honestly sharing your perspective. It is hard to admit when we don't have the perfect attitude about something. You doing so helped me to feel more compassionately about your situation because I learned what kind of hardships you have. Otherwise I might remain ignorantly insensitive. This is one of the reasons I enjoy Segullah. Thank you for honestly sharing your perspective. It is hard to admit when we don’t have the perfect attitude about something. You doing so helped me to feel more compassionately about your situation because I learned what kind of hardships you have. Otherwise I might remain ignorantly insensitive.

This is one of the reasons I enjoy Segullah.

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