My Sabbath Malling

December 8, 2017

Last Sunday was not the best of days for me. I didn’t feel well and was medicated. I sat glazed through Sacrament Meeting and then left to go home to sleep. Within five minutes of my being home, my computer fell and shattered. Because of urgent demands for the upcoming week, this was an “ox in the mire” for me, the sick oxherd.

Instead of heading for a nap, I headed an hour and a half away to the nearest Apple Store. Going into an Apple Store is not for introverts, Luddites, or anyone who prefers dark corners and quiet (which at that time was pretty much me on all counts.)

The technical diagnosis was swift: Complete death. New computer purcha$e required. Brain transfer to the new computer mandatory.

The Apple People allowed me to roam the mall for the two hours required to get things set up for the overnight mind-meld that required both the old and the new computers.

Wandering around a mall crowded with early Christmas shoppers was depressing everywhere I turned. Throw a swig of MucinexDM and a dash of guilt into the mix and it was a particular kind of torture. Everything seemed garish and either cheap or outrageously expensive. The piped-in Musak boomed with coerced cheer. The decorations seemed nominal at best. I saw a calendar listing all the times Santa was going to be around for lap time, but it was still too early for that adventure, thankfully. The shopping options were a blend of ubiquitous American commercial stores, novelty shops and unique aisle carts with aggressive hawkers. The mélange of food court smells was probably toxic, but I couldn’t smell. If I were a Christmas dwarf I would have been Sneezy, Sleepy and Grumpy rolled into one – and longing to spend time with Doc.

By the time I got my text to return to the Apple store, I realized I should have spent that time just sitting in a comfy chair near the restrooms and ignored the creepy, crowded spectacle.

When I finally got horizontal at home (computer-less), I turned on the TV. I’m going to credit God with a dose of grace and good humor because up popped a documentary about the making of the Salt Lake Temple followed by the First Presidency Christmas Devotional. God found a way to gift me the rest of my Sabbath after all.

And then the Muses – or more likely the deleterious influence of cold medicine – prompted this little riff on my Sunday mall experience. Try it yourself with a word that will stand up to twelve stanzas of forced rhyme. Cars, stars, bars…? Trees, cheese, bees…?

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

an app from the Apple Store.

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

2 leather chaps,

and an app from the Apple Store.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

3 ancient maps,

2 leather chaps and an app from the Apple Store.

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

4 rodent traps,

3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps and an app from the Apple Store.

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

5 turkey wraps,

4 rodent traps, 3 ancient maps,

2 leather chaps and an app from the Apple Store.

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

6 Santas’ laps,

5 turkey wraps, 4 rodent traps,

3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps, and an app from the Apple Store.

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

7 gaudy caps, 6 Santas’ laps, 5 turkey wraps, 4 rodent traps,

3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps, and an app from the Apple Store.

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

8 shoes with straps, 7 gaudy caps, 6 Santas’ laps, 5 turkey wraps,

4 rodent traps, 3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps,

And an app from the Apple Store.

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

9 ginger snaps, 8 shoes with straps, 7 gaudy caps, 6 Santas’ laps,

5 turkey wraps, 4 rodent traps, 3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps,

And an app from the Apple Store.

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

10 tents with flaps, 9 ginger snaps, 8 shoes with straps,

7 gaudy caps, 6 Santas’ laps, 5 turkey wraps, 4 rodent traps,

3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps, and an app from the Apple Store.

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

11 gentle taps, 10 tents with flaps, 9 ginger snaps,

8 shoes with straps, 7 gaudy caps, 6 Santas’ laps, 5 turkey wraps,

4 rodent traps, 3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps,

And an app from the Apple Store.

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

12 well-earned naps, 11 gentle taps, 10 tents with flaps, 9 ginger snaps,

8 shoes with straps, 7 gaudy caps, 6 Santas’ laps, 5 turkey wraps,

4 rodent traps, 3 ancient maps, 2 leather chaps,

And an app from the Apple Store!

 

May your Christmas prep be merry and bright, and every Advent Sabbath a delight!

 

4 Comments

  1. Sharlee Mullins Glenn

    December 8, 2017

    “If I were a Christmas dwarf I would have been Sneezy, Sleepy and Grumpy rolled into one – and longing to spend time with Doc.”

    Can’t stop giggling, darling Linda! So grateful your Sabbath was redeemed.

  2. Sherilyn

    December 8, 2017

    Haha!!!!

  3. Jennie

    December 9, 2017

    The older I get, the more malls at Christmas are a place I avoid. It does feel like a “creepy, crowded spectacle” at times. But I’m glad you made the best of it and recovered / recharged with the true spirit of Christmas.

  4. Terresa Wellborn

    December 15, 2017

    Linda, I love this delve into pre-Christmas mayhem and madness. And glad for your circling round to humor & rhyme. An equal mix of God and corniness make this season go ’round. xoxo

Comments are closed.

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