Dear Little Blue,

You don’t really need this letter, because you’ll eventually figure all these things out on your own, but if I could share a few insights with you, I’d let you know that even though it feels like there’s not a soul on earth who’d really care if you ceased to exist, in just a little while that will change. Some angels will appear in your life, in the form of a school teacher,  a church leader, and various acquaintances.  Their kindness will carry you through the next few years, and you will start to feel what it’s like to be nurtured and cared for.

Your sense of your identity is going to evolve, too.  You don’t know yet that you’re not utterly worthless, or that that’s even how you think of yourself, but soon you’ll start to notice some of the internal beliefs you have, and question them. This is good.  Examining everything we believe is an important exercise in life, and requisite for growth. You’ll start to feel something inside–called resonance–when things are true for you.  If you honor that, you’ll be led and directed in ways that will be good for you.

Not everyone is guileless.

It’s going to take decades, but someday you’ll forgive your parents and older sibling. They probably won’t ever be a part of your life, but you’ll eventually find peace with that situation.

You’re going to learn the most from the hard stuff you go through, so I’m not going to tell you much, but you might just want to turn and walk the other way when you meet a dude named Kevin.

The cure for anything is saltwater: sweat, tears, or the sea.

A lot of the people you love most will lose their faith in God and leave the church. You’ll struggle for a long time with your faith, too, and part of it will be the shock that this even happens to people.  Now you know, so just remember to trust what rings true within you, prove ALL things, and hold fast to the good.  Proving requires righteous living.  Be fastidiously honest with yourself, regardless of what other people believe.  Eventually you’ll find your own, bona fide faith, and it will be worth the effort.

Don’t judge others who are doing anything differently than you. They get to.  Love them for where they are at, no matter what.

There’s something called Healthy Boundaries.  Life would probably be easier if you learned about them before your forties.  Just sayin’.

When you’re 18 years old, you’ll meet a boy who will be nice to you and care for you and accept you loose ends and all. You’ll learn to love each other and provide a safe harbor for each other to heal, evolve, and grow for a long long time.  Despite all that, he’ll break your heart little by little, and you’ll break his.  But you’ll become fantastic individuals, and raise completely fabulous children together. I don’t know the end of this story, so we’ll have to find out together.

You won’t believe this now, but you are not going to be lonely. There are loads of unbelievably wonderful people in your future, and you will be overwhelmed with gratitude for the goodness and love in your life.  You’re going to discover some things about yourself that will surprise and delight you, and this world will be a better place for having had you in it. So hang in there, kid. Remember, we’re all just winging it in life, and none of us is here very long.  The journey is the reward, and it’s a wonderful journey.

Older, slightly wiser Blue

What experiences and lessons have most surprised you in your life.  
Do you have any advice for your younger self?   Are there any kids in your life (especially non-related) who could use some care and nurture…who you could make a difference for?


  1. Amy

    November 27, 2012

    This is great advice to your younger self. I have loads of things I’d like to tell my younger self, but not my teenage self, my twenties-self. As for kids who could use guidance, I certainly see some of those, but I see adults, too, who could use some care and nurturing and forgiveness of their younger selves.

  2. Jenn

    November 27, 2012

    Love this post. I’ve loved writing letters to my younger self- and almost always find it ending with “as a matter of fact, don’t do anything differently, because it all turns out well in the end, and all the mistakes and things you need to learn will help you get to that point”. It feels good.

  3. Selwyn

    November 27, 2012

    I’d tell my younger self that being weird is not only okay, but something which will be celebrated with other “not normal” friends. To keep writing. That having a best friend will take years, but will be even better than imagined.

    I try to keep in touch with younger people I’ve connected with. Now I want to write letters of advice for them – and me! Thanks Blue!

  4. Sage

    November 27, 2012

    This is beautiful, Blue. Thanks for sharing it.

    I am going to try to stop crying and think what I would say.

  5. Michelle L.

    November 28, 2012

    Oh Blue. Thank you for writing this. More than anything, I am struck by your faith, humility and acceptance of all life has offered you.

  6. Kathirynne

    November 28, 2012

    What a moving post. I love the bit about “… you might just want to turn and walk the other way when you meet a dude named Kevin.”

    If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self the following:

    1. You are beautiful. Not only in the “everyone on Earth is beautiful in their own unique way” sense of the word, but also in the “striking features pleasantly arranged” sense. Don’t bank on your pretty face, but don’t discount it, either.

    2. Hard things are ahead of you. But they will make you stronger and prepare you to reach your full potential.

    3. You don’t have to be the same as everyone around you. Get to know who you are, and just be YOU. Those around you can take it or leave it – but you have to live with yourself, so make sure you are someone you like.

    4. You are intelligent. In fact, you are more intelligent than most of the people who are telling you that you are weird. Truth be told, they are all probably wishing they could be as clever as you are.

    5. Don’t make choices from a perspective of fear. Things have an uncanny way of working themselves out. Don’t settle for something familiar just because you’re afraid of the unknown.

    6. You are more capable than you can imagine. Don’t tell yourself that you cannot do a thing. Just forge ahead.

    (Actually, this might be good advice for my current self….)

  7. Beth

    November 30, 2012

    As part of my therapy homework I’m supposed to write a letter to my younger self. I wish I was at the point where I could say what you said. It was almost point by point what my younger self needs to hear, but alas, I’m not there yet.
    Thanks, though.

  8. Blue

    November 30, 2012

    Beth, et al, hold on! The light will come. It will get easier. It’ll also get hard…there’s no such thing as “getting past” hard things in life. But you can be stronger and healthier and happier at times in the future than you ever thought you’d be. You’ll get through tougher stuff than you ever thought you’d face. You’ll be exactly as tested as needed to help you keep growing. Just hang in there! ♥

    “If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don’t know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle, you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?”
    – Boyd K. Packer

  9. Jennie L

    December 1, 2012

    This is gorgeous. Reflection is an amazing thing and I would tell many similar things to my younger self! Loved the line, “you’ll start to feel something inside–called resonance–when things are true for you. If you honor that, you’ll be led and directed in ways that will be good for you.”


  10. brittney

    December 1, 2012

    dear little blue, sweet child, here are a few other things you should definitely know: you were always too beautiful to look like a boy, even if/when your mom butchered your hair, bless her heart. that math test? it never mattered. nor did anything those poor, insecure kids ever said. you wouldn’t believe me if i told you, but you’re in for big things, things that make the world stop, and keep stopping, to take note: that book you started writing:genius. and every year those amazing cakes! some random lady’s three small kids will believe, for most of their young lives, that you were their fairy godmother. who does that happen to? yep, you. and you won’t believe it now, cause it’s hard to feel special when your life feels like it mostly goes unseen, but someday most of the people you see in a day will walk away wondering, if only for a moment, what it would be like–their lives, this world–to be as beautiful as you. when you’re asked to forgive do it. when you’re compelled to love, do that too. a bedroom in the garage at 12 years old makes for about a million great stories when you grow up. all of it will have been for your good.

  11. Juliana

    December 3, 2012

    Wonderful, Blue, absolutely wonderful. You inspire me.

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