It’s been a long time since I woke up feeling this way. You know the feeling: for the first second everything feels normal, and then you remember, and the sickness returns to the pit of your stomach, and you wonder how you’ll pull yourself up out of bed and face the day.
The last time I remember feeling like this was when I was at BYU. I’d been dating a guy for about a month, which is definitely enough time for a girl (especially at BYU) to make the mental shift from like to love to picking out wedding napkins and daydreaming about what our future children would look like.
He and I had a habit of getting together every night after dinner to take a walk or a drive, and that night, after our walk, he asked if we could also take a drive, and I started to think, “Oh my gosh, he’s going to tell me that he loves me.” Well, it turns out that he wanted to tell me he thought we should see other people. See other people? We’d just spent the last two hours making out! And just like that, not only did I not have a boyfriend anymore, but I would also be missing out on spending time with a great guy and his great family (who had quickly adopted me since I was thousands of miles from mine), and all of my plans for our future– kaput.