Do you want to know what I did yesterday?
It’s very sad, and you should know that before you read any further.
I went to try on my fat jeans and they didn’t fit. You speak fat jeans? They always forgive you. You wear them camping one night with hiking boots, and the next night to the theater with heels. They are your favorite friends and you can’t wait to put them on after you waited for a couple days from the last wear.
They are nothing like your skinny jeans which require a slather of Vaseline, a prayer and a disgusting grunt. Fat jeans are always a bit roomy (not too much). You stretch, they stretch. It’s eternally expanding joy and love beyond all fashionistic expression.
Then one day, (as with me yesterday,) you put them on and something is not right. Did I just wash these? you wonder. Is it the changing of the temperature having a negative affect on the cotton? And the last thing you want to admit to yourself in that situation is that you’ve gained the weighty. You’re fatter. It is likely divorce from your denim.