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Virgin lips

By Kathyrn Lynard

I was in ninth grade (late bloomer, me) and on a field trip to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. My friends and I attracted the attention of this guy, age sixteen or so, who had dropped out of school and spent his days hanging around the waterfront talking to people. A total loser, yes, but to fourteen-year-olds with anti-establishment leanings, he was cool. Plus he was hot. Very hot.

So, he hung out with us for a few hours, charming us with his oh-so-mature views on life. At one point he turned to me and started singing Depeche Mode’s “Somebody,” which was the song to swoon to in those days. Then he said “Can I speak with you alone for a minute?” All my friends looked at me with drooling envy as I floated off by his side. We walked a ways to a candy store, where I bought some Jelly Bellies. He started feeding them to me. Right after a peppermint one, he kissed me. Zing!!!

At the end of the afternoon, right before our group boarded the school buses, he kissed me again, in front of my entire class. For the first time in my life, I was a celebrity.

But it was all downhill after that. He called me (long distance! It was true love!) that afternoon, but he was shy on the phone and hung up after a minute or so. I never heard from him again. A week later my friend and I went back up to the Harbor to try to find him, to no avail. I was devastated.

Years later I bumped into him at a music festival. He was drunk and looked like crap. I smirked and went on my merry way.

Your turn!

About Kathyrn Lynard

(Founding Editor) is the author of the memoir The Year My Son and I Were Born (Globe Pequot Press, 2009) and the editor of four published anthologies. She contributes to Mormon forums from Meridian Magazine to Sunstone on a variety of topics including gender issues, disability, mental health, sexuality, family life, and spirituality.

35 thoughts on “Virgin lips”

  1. I was a junior in high school and had been seeing a really smart, funny, redheaded sophomore for about 2 months. When the school year ended, I was heading off to music camp for the summer. He kissed me goodbye the night before I left. We're still friends.

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  2. Um, I was 23 and a returned missionary. He was an elder I'd known during my mission and had been in touch with for a few months through email/phone calls. When I got back to BYU we started dating in person (and we had a class together). After a few weeks of dating we were hanging out in Kiwanis Park in Provo and he asked if he could kiss me–it was his first kiss too. We've been married almost 9 years now and neither of us has ever kisssed anyone else.

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  3. Geez, what an eye-catching post title!

    We were both EFY counselors. I thought he was the coolest guy ever and obsessed about him for weeks. We were co-counselors for my last week of EFY that summer. My best friend got him to come to my surprise birthday party the following week. We hung out all that night and it was magical. Then he went back to EFY the next week and ended our almost-relationship the next weekend. Ouch.

    The good news is that another guy came to that birthday party, and after being burned by EFY boy I decided that this other guy would never do that to me, so I married him before EFY even started the next summer.

    And you thought EFY dating drama was confined to your teenagers–ha!

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  4. Cookie cutter, Mormon, college relationship as my first. I was enamored. When he returned from his mission I felt there were red flags being thrown up from the side-lines, but I couldn't understand why. Years later, oh yeah, he wouldn't have done for me long term at all. We just have different priorities, different goals, and different views on presiding. 19-year-old and 21-year-old me didn't realize how crucial aligning on those issues are, but now-me is extremely grateful to have a man I'm well-matched with.

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  5. 14 and you were a late bloomer, Kathryn?! Yikes. (Okay, my first born child turns 14 in 20 days, and I can't imagine her locking lips yet!)

    I was 15, He was 17, after the stake dance, behind the mosaic wall of the Stake President's office (Holla Newport Beach peeps!). When he stuck his tongue in my mouth I freaked out a bit. I was more interested in just a hug. Later that night I thought it meant we were going to get married and wrote him a heartfelt note to that effect (encouraging chaste interactions etc. till the I DO's were said). Happily I never saw him again, so he didn't get the letter. I found it a decade later, taped behind a picture of the temple I had hanging on my wall (I recalled that seemed like a safe place to keep it till I could get it to him.)

    I've tried to convince my kids that what I mean when I talk about kissing before marriage, is a kiss on the hand, or perhaps the cheek. Somehow I don't think they're buying it. ♥

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  6. I was president of the VLF club for years. I met my future husband at 28 and he was almost 31. Two shy people had managed to hang onto those virgin lips. We were both a lot terrified (I think because we were older and thought we should have had a kiss by then)and talked all night before anything happened. At the end of the night he asked, I exclaimed, "Of course!" and 3 kisses later my presidency was over. 10 years later he's still my sweetheart and neither of us regret the long wait. The kisses? They are more practiced but still magical.

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  7. My first kiss was in 10th grade, which isn't as late as it sounds because I was only 13. (Way back then, they used to skip you a grade or two at the drop of a hat. Not good, and I'm glad they try to avoid that now.) Anyway, the guy was a close friend of the family we had been "best friends" with in our old ward before moving away. When we went back to visit one summer, he and I sort of "saw each other with new eyes."

    It was all pretty innocent, but he was the stuff my dreams were made of…smart, captain of the basketball team, and a really nice guy as well. We did manage to date off and on throughout high school, but we weren't exclusive because of the distance.

    We attended senior prom together, though. And I must say that those senior prom goodnight kisses were a big improvement over the 10th grade ones!

    😉

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  8. I was on a school ski trip in Switzerland when I turned 16. An 11th grader really liked me and we spent the day together. Late that evening he kissed me, complete with lots of tongue (yuck) and I clearly didn't know what I was doing. The next day he ignored me and I felt awful.

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  9. 13 years old…8th grade…backseat of his friend's mother's suv as she drove us all home from the movies. He put his tongue in my mouth and it was weird!!! I remember it being very sloppy, but I was still floating on cloud nine for the rest of the night! My friends wanted all the details and thought I was awesome.

    It never went beyond "at school" boyfriend and girlfriend. We went on two group "dates" to the movies and that was it before school let out for summer.

    He and I both moved away after school ended and I never saw him again, but we did find each other on Facebook a couple years ago. Pretty funny!

    I'm shocked at all the "virgin lip" adults on here! I always thought that was the minority.

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  10. I was 14, too, and a drummer I had a crush on convinced me that it would be a good idea for him to give me my first kiss. I thought if he kissed me, he'd be sure to fall for me…I was very sad that he didn't. And that he tried the same thing on my friend the next year. A guy with an eye towards service, I guess.

    We're facebook friends now, though, so I guess we really did have a future after all.

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  11. I was 15 and going out with a boy. He kissed me while we were sitting by a crackling fire with "In Your Eyes" playing. Sounds like a good start, I guess. Unfortunately, there were 4 or 5 of our mutual friends there and I'm not a fan of public first kisses. He kept trying to put his tongue in my mouth, even when I pursed my lips against him and tried to pull away. Maybe this is overly dramatic, but it felt like lip rape. Anyway, I felt really gross afterward. I still can't listen to Peter Gabriel without feeling creeped out.

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  12. I was 16. And like you Katherine I was a late bloomer by comparison. It was this guy I had like for a while via the Mormon dance circuit. Mormon dances were big in the Denver area where I grew up and we attended religiously (ge it?) every two weeks. Anyway after a dance a group of us went back to my best friends house to watch SNL as was the tradition. As we were saying goodbye and goodnight to the guys that had come over he and i started talking…then a long handshake turned into a hug, and then while we were hugging he said "so your friend told me you've never done this…" and he kissed me. Since I was trying to play it cool, when we pulled apart I said, "she said that? What a liar….". I doubt he believed me. A few weeks later I kissed one of his friends….geeze what a hussy.

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  13. Interesting that so many were creeped out by the tongue thing. I thought it was just me. BYU, freshman year, first kiss, too much tongue. I was wigged out but apparently he got a bit more out of it because he went to our bishop the next day to confess and made me into the harlot. I switched wards. He was trying to "keep himself pure" for his mission but a few weeks later he started dating another girl and they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Hmmmm….

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  14. I was 16; he was going to Ricks College. We had met at a dance (long, long, long story). He had come to pick me up for our date, but I wasn't ready, yet. He watched me as I did my hair (sounds weird now, but it wasn't then) from the doorway of the bathroom (we had been dating a few weeks) and when I passed, I gave him a quick hug which turned into a long kiss.

    Several months and make-out sessions later, he left for his mission. The next time I saw him I was on campus at BYU and pregnant with my first child.

    And yes, I dated older men. I know, I know…

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  15. 22, wstching City of Angels with my best friend (we did everything together)…first kiss for both of us, and 10 years later we are still together, happily married for 9…and the kissing is still wonderful!

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  16. This is highly entertaining! I wasn't raised with all the Mormon chastity "lists", I was 12, back of the station wagon while my mom drove us home from church youth group. He was a nerdy 15-year-old, a family friend. Tongue didn't occur to either of us. I'm from a different generation; we weren't sexualized so young. We didn't see all that tongue on the screen, so kissing could just be kissing. It didn't have to be French. It was nice. Sweet and innocent.

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  17. My first kiss was with my next-door neighbor, Scotty. We were both five. We sat on my front lawn, put a blanket over us, and practiced "movie star" kisses. I was an advanced child. =)

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  18. I think I officially get the title of the late bloomer after reading all the posts. The only person I have ever kissed is my husband. I married at 31.

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  19. I like Sharlee's!

    I was a week or so shy of 24, and had been home from my mission for about a week. I had realized that I should marry my high school sweetheart (whom I had never kissed. I know, I had issues) while out on my mission, so I came home, aloha kissed him on the cheek the night after I got home, and finally let him kiss me a week or so later. I married him in just under three months after that. Now, pushing seven years later, I am pregnant with our third child.

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  20. 14. Debate camp. I had braces, he didn't. I suggested it, he complied. Not a bad kiss, as kisses go, but then the next day I told him I liked another guy. The other guy got wind, and tried to kiss me too, but I refused, trying to re-establish myself as a goody two shoes. So he had sex with somebody else the next night. Betcha didn't know debate camp could be so full of drama, eh?

    I met my husband at age 17, in a debate round. What can I say, I find articulate men sexy.

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  21. The first boy to kiss me–I was 10 and had no idea it was coming–he was about 12 and called me over to talk to him. I was not impressed, and got away from him quickly. I am willing to bet I was the first girl he "kissed", too. Even at 10, I knew he had to be doing it wrong.
    The first boy I kissed and meant it–13. He and I spent summers together in the pool, and at the end of the swimming day, he'd give me a quick kiss goodbye. We were doomed, you see, because I was a Mormon, and part of a cult. I was his secret relationship.
    We are still friends all these years later.
    When I think about all the men I kissed, it's really quite overwhelming. And that I've been kissing the same man for all these past 14 years seems strange sometimes, too, given my previous wanderlust. 🙂
    I make it very clear to my 10 and 7 year old they don't date until 16 and no single dating until 18. If they're like their mom, I'm hoping that policy will keep them out of a little trouble.

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  22. I was in Jr. High and a boy came to work on his Grandpa's farm. I was a wonderful summer love. He came to my birthday party where we ran through an alfalfa field and his eyes swelled up like crazy. We kissed in our play house. I ended up writing him for almost his whole mission years later. The last letter he got was mine telling him I got married. 🙂

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  23. My first kiss was with my first boyfriend at age 14. We were "dating" but at that age it meant we saw each other at basketball games and talked on the phone every night. Anyway, his last name is my new married last name which is kind of random.

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  24. I think my favorite story is from when I was in Kindergarten…this little boy would hide behind the door, then when I ran by to go out to recess, he'd grab me, kiss me on the lips then run away. Awwwww, puppy love…:-)

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  25. I managed to *not* kiss two different boys, one at 13, one at 15. My right hook was pretty solid, though.

    First actual completed kiss was with a very nice fellow, after a really late night of movies, as a just-turned-18 sophomore in college.

    First kiss with my husband, though… that was a stunner! Parking lot, misty October evening, complete surprise… and I still love kissing him 15 years later.

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  26. I was 15. I'd met him at a church dance, but he wasn't a member yet (later). He was sixteen and we started going out. We went to study at the library and he kept passing me notes about "that rock group". (KISS) I finally acquiesed to a chaste peck back in his front seat. It was the start of a lot of kissing for me. Way too much/too many. But I made it safely to marriage at 23 after my mission. I think I was the second girl my husband kissed, so we don't count. After 20 years (almost) all the others are forgotten (even if that first one is on my facebook and reads my blog).

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  27. I was thirteen, expecting just a regular kiss on the lips, wasn't prepared for tongue. I really don't think that is a good choice for a first kiss with anybody.

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  28. A boy I liked drove me home from track practice two weeks before I turned 15. We kissed in the front seat of his car. He came to my birthday dinner expecting to see 16 candles. (I skipped second grade, but he didn't know that.) We broke up. He didn't want to wait to date for a whole year! Interestingly, he is one of the few high school friends I have retained over the years. I really like his wife!

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  29. I was seventeen and a senior. He was a cute Leonardo Di Caprio look-alike foreign exchange student. We were on our first date and walking down State Street when we stopped to talk and he kissed me. Way too much slobbery tongue. Four years (and quite a bit of practice) later, when my husband kissed me for the first time, I knew he was the one because he was the first guy who didn't stick his tongue down my throat on our first kiss.

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  30. 19 years old…sitting on my parents couch with a boy I had been "in love" with for 3 years. He was home from his mission and kissed me. I thought that was it…we were exclusive and would be sending wedding invites out in a couple of months. That is until I found out he was kissing 2 other girls (one of which was my best friend). I told him I didn't kiss more than one guy at a time and if he wanted to keep kissing me he woulnd't be kissing anyone else. Well we never kissed again because he wanted to kiss more than me :). Thank goodness….he wasn't a good match for me…I didnt marry for 6 more years!

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