Sometimes, I want my life to be different.
I want to be tan.
I want to be a serious writer. Or a serious speech therapist. Or a serious something .
I want conversations like, “What are you doing? Are you sticking a rubber-band up your nose? You ARE sticking a rubber-band up your nose! WHY are you sticking a rubber-band up your nose?” to be less frequent in my home.
(Yes, that was a word-for-word transcription of the conversation that just transpired between my husband and my 8 year old son.)
I want to be on top of things better. I want to have emails like, “Where were you?” or “We missed you!” or “I thought you said you were coming” not be so frequent in my life. I want to NOT show up at a friend’s door with a smile and a checkbook and say, “I’m here for the Pampered Chef party!” and have them say, “Um, Heather, that was LAST Saturday. But hey, that explains why you weren’t here.”
I want my son to stop sticking things up his nose.
I want to never have to wipe my children’s tears as they tell me about the mean things people say to them. And this week, my niece was involved in a serious skiing accident that may change her life forever, which makes me want to wrap my children in one of those big hamster ball thingies so they never get hurt by anything or anyone ever.
(But you know what they say. Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball.*)
I also want another baby.
And a convertible.
I don’t know if I’m going to get any of those things. I’m too fair to ever get a tan. I’m not disciplined enough to be serious. And clearly, I can’t stop my kid from sticking things up his nose.
I’m probably never going to be on top of things the way I want to be. By virtue of choosing mortality my children face dangers and pain on every level every day. And because of my issues with my kidneys, I’ve been told I will never be able to give birth again.
And we probably can’t afford a convertible.
Not getting what we want is kinda hard. My 3 year old often cries when she doesn’t get what she wants, and my 8 year old, who has grown out of crying for the most part, is not above whining. Since crying and whining is sort of inappropriate for a grown-up (at least in public, and high-pitched whining is out altogether), where does that leave the 10 years old and above crowd?
I’m going to venture a guess and say that all of us have faced disappointments, big and little, in our lives. It’s a part of being human. Things don’t work out the way we want them to, people don’t act the way we wish they would, jobs don’t pan out, cars break down, loved ones get sick. It happens to all of us.
How do we deal with it? The gut-wrenching disappointments especially. What’s the best way to respond? What’s the best way to cope? How do we move past not getting what we want, especially (and here’s the kicker) when it’s something that falls under the category of a righteous desire?
I’m not sure if that phrase is an oxymoron or not, but it sure sounds fancy and makes me feel like it’s okay to want things.
Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts about disappointments, and how to deal with them. In the meantime, I’ll be out pricing convertibles.
*ht: Veronica Mars. It’s a show about a teenage detective. Like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, only different.