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What a girl wants

By Heather Oman

Sometimes, I want my life to be different.

I want to be tan.

I want to be a serious writer. Or a serious speech therapist. Or a serious something .

I want conversations like, “What are you doing? Are you sticking a rubber-band up your nose? You ARE sticking a rubber-band up your nose! WHY are you sticking a rubber-band up your nose?” to be less frequent in my home.

(Yes, that was a word-for-word transcription of the conversation that just transpired between my husband and my 8 year old son.)

I want to be on top of things better. I want to have emails like, “Where were you?” or “We missed you!” or “I thought you said you were coming” not be so frequent in my life. I want to NOT show up at a friend’s door with a smile and a checkbook and say, “I’m here for the Pampered Chef party!” and have them say, “Um, Heather, that was LAST Saturday. But hey, that explains why you weren’t here.”

I want my son to stop sticking things up his nose.

I want to never have to wipe my children’s tears as they tell me about the mean things people say to them. And this week, my niece was involved in a serious skiing accident that may change her life forever, which makes me want to wrap my children in one of those big hamster ball thingies so they never get hurt by anything or anyone ever.

(But you know what they say. Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball.*)

I also want another baby.

And a convertible.

I don’t know if I’m going to get any of those things. I’m too fair to ever get a tan. I’m not disciplined enough to be serious. And clearly, I can’t stop my kid from sticking things up his nose.

I’m probably never going to be on top of things the way I want to be. By virtue of choosing mortality my children face dangers and pain on every level every day. And because of my issues with my kidneys, I’ve been told I will never be able to give birth again.

And we probably can’t afford a convertible.

Not getting what we want is kinda hard. My 3 year old often cries when she doesn’t get what she wants, and my 8 year old, who has grown out of crying for the most part, is not above whining. Since crying and whining is sort of inappropriate for a grown-up (at least in public, and high-pitched whining is out altogether), where does that leave the 10 years old and above crowd?

I’m going to venture a guess and say that all of us have faced disappointments, big and little, in our lives. It’s a part of being human. Things don’t work out the way we want them to, people don’t act the way we wish they would, jobs don’t pan out, cars break down, loved ones get sick. It happens to all of us.

How do we deal with it? The gut-wrenching disappointments especially. What’s the best way to respond? What’s the best way to cope? How do we move past not getting what we want, especially (and here’s the kicker) when it’s something that falls under the category of a righteous desire?

I’m not sure if that phrase is an oxymoron or not, but it sure sounds fancy and makes me feel like it’s okay to want things.

Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts about disappointments, and how to deal with them. In the meantime, I’ll be out pricing convertibles.

*ht: Veronica Mars. It’s a show about a teenage detective. Like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, only different.

About Heather Oman

(Prose Board) lives in the south with her husband, her two kids, and her wiggly black lab. She is a licensed speech language pathologist, but spends most of her days trying to teach her own kids how to say please and thank you. She is a member of the Segullah Editorial Board, and is the founding member of the blog Mormon Mommy Wars.

41 thoughts on “What a girl wants”

  1. I'm still struggling with this one too, so I'd love to hear what y'all have to say. The only thing I've found so far that works is service. Serving people whose difficulties are worse than mine, or just different, or maybe not as bad as mine but painful enough for them that they are suffering. "Mourning with those that mourn" has a way of taming my own wants.

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  2. Great post, Heather. I don't know how to deal with disappointment very well. Sometimes things just take time. The really truly awfully disappointing things sometimes take a long time. It took me 14 years to get over my biggest disappointment, not that I was still crying over it every day, but it would cross my mind occasionally. It took that long to see how something traumatic back then was actually a blessing. We don't always get to a point where we can see a reason for what happens or doesn't happen. BUT, we can trust in God. For me, that's what it comes down to. I just discovered a wonderful scripture about this very thing in the front cover of a book I finished this morning. It's Jeremiah 17:7-8, and I love it:

    Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD
    And whose trust is the LORD.
    For he will be like a tree planted by the water,
    That extends its roots by a stream
    And will not fear when the heat comes;
    But its leaves will be green,
    And it will not be anxious in a year of drought
    Nor cease to yield fruit.

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  3. Grandma, that's the trick, isn't it. Deciding to be happy. I know a woman who I swear is out of the habit of being happy, like she's forgotten how to do it. Everything and everybody is a disappointment to her, when really, her life is actually pretty darn good. I've had to back up and realize that most of how we look at things is a choice. In a lot of ways, that idea is pretty empowering. Doesn't always make it easy, though.

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  4. Great thoughts Heather…it's so easy to say it is a matter of agency & choice or in other words, it's a decision (not to offend anyone!). But when we are wrapped up in the day to day, it's hard to see clearly & have the perspective that it is s choice. For me, having face one of the most difficult circumstances one can face, the suicide of my brother, I learned to "lean into the wind", to embrace the storm of life. Sometimes I think we "wrestle" with life, fighting, tearing, grabbing & pulling to somehow make it right. Make it more manageable or acceptable. Well, suicide can't be nicely packaged. So I did the only thing I could do….I leaned into the wind. I let the tears roll when they came & laughed outloud when I found something funny (even if it was at his funeral!). But I embraced it! As someone who is accumulated a few more experiences (I'm an old hag); I've learned to wrap my arms around the moment. I actually get excited for the trials of life as I know I will come out on the other side having learned something more than when I started. Not sure if my babble makes any sense…but those are my thoughts. As far as disappointments (small day to day experiences),well, call me a pessimist, but I expect the worse & hope for the best. Sounds corny, but it works for me….

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  5. I spent a few years (well, okay. Decades) feeling jilted, feeling like "this isn't what I signed up for!!!" Wah! Wanting the things that I wanted, and being all victimy because I couldn't have them. I mean, isn't it a noble, righteous desire for your loved ones to keep the faith and endure to the end?! That's all I wanted…for my dearest loved ones to be believers.

    But I finally figured out how to stop being a victim, and it had nothing to do with them changing, and everything to do with me learning to love them as is, unconditionally. Suddenly, happiness flooded in, and I have been able to glimpse how our Heavenly Father must feel…at least just a hint of a glimmer. As for the rest, things will just take care of themselves. If this is as good as it gets, I've had an incredibly blessed life. ♥

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  6. I find that being in the temple quiets my noisy stress and concerns and allows me to focus on the big picture. The one where my posterity extends out farther than I can see. The one where my family is not separated by generations, but is together as if a ward or stake family. The one where my ability to love and serve others is appreciated more than my ability to clean or organize. You know, the one where Someone Else is in charge and actually knows the ending.
    The noise definitely returns, but it's nice to know there is somewhere I can go to press the mute button.

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  7. Peace and happiness sure are a choice alright. A choice that sometimes I have to make over and over about bajillion times a day. But if I keep choosing it, things are pretty good, right? There's still too many children's bodily fluids wiped on the curtains and what-not, and the house still isn't paid off (righteous desire, right?), but it doesn't seem to matter as much. sometimes. well, mostly.

    But I've also been told that I'm a goofball who doesn't take her life seriously enough, whatever that means. So bring on the snot. I'll just keep laughing. Because there are just too many rotten things that would keep me hiding in bed all day long if I didn't.

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  8. Recently I was feeling some of my disapointment turn to anger and resentment as "righteous desires" were left empty and festering. I was at ward chior practice (not expecting any serious spiritual insight) when we started singing The Lord is My Shepherd. The phrase "no want shall I know" seemed to mock me and then… the Spirit starting to fill up my emptiness. I was reminded that even though this life is difficult the Lord will offer me support and in the end I will be giving every righteous blessing that I am worthy of… and more.
    My most important righteous desire is to return to my Heavenly Father again. Despite my best efforts when I stand to be judged I will be found "wanting". If I have done my best to follow the Good Shepherd He will be there with me, an Advocate with the Father and in that moment "no want shall I know."
    Since that day in chior my disapointment still brings painfull tears to my eyes but my anger and resentment are gone.

    And on a lighter note…I wish I was a serious speech therapist too! But that is a little hard to do when I go into work with chocolate fingerprints on my shirt and a Dora the Explorer sticker on my behind 🙂

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  9. This is where making it to middle age pays off: I can just picture me grinning at the kid for you and going, Well, if that's what you think is the best thing you can do for your nose… Hey I know! Let me knit you a nose cozy!

    Next thing you know I'd be teaching him how to knit his own Groucho Marx look. And I'd be sending you off to go buy yourself some chocolate or whatever while I do it, too, so you'd get some time to yourself, because I so remember what it was like back when I didn't have any either. You know, back when my four kids were little. (They're in their 20's now.)

    The things you go through with the illness and the kids–it makes you a better writer later, too, especially since you're practicing at it now quite nicely.

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  10. I'd always had this vision of what doing things the right way would look like: I'd wake up well-rested (because I'd gone to bed early), read my scriptures, select a cute outfit from my color-coordinated closet, and head off to class (this vision didn't persist beyond my grad student years). My homework would all be completed before arriving at campus, and I'd be ahead in my reading. My desk would be neat, my files organized, my lab notebooks up-to-date and thoroughly referenced.

    And then I had this gradual epiphany–if an epiphany can be gradual–life is supposed to be messy. If you oversleep, forget to prepare your lesson (oops), didn't understand all the instructions, are feeling inadequate/afraid/overwhelmed; if your life is messy and things you didn't want to happen are happening, then that probably means you're doing things right. That's how things are supposed to be.

    It's so much easier to live with life's messiness with that perspective, because then I can deal with what comes up without also worrying that I'm somehow doing something "wrong." It's pretty freeing to accept my life's imperfections and just move ahead from there.

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  11. I echo Laura. Mortality is messy. The more I accept that truth the more I am able to take a step back and try to figure out what I can do with the messy today.

    I also think that the whole making a choice thing is SO true, but just because I know something is true doesn't mean I know how to live that truth in consistent ways.

    The older I get and the more of messiness I have seen and experienced, the more I am coming to feel how much I need Christ, both to fill in the gaps and to also help me know what to focus on and what to let go of.

    What a journey this is.

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  12. I was flying home from our son's funeral.

    In my seat next to the window I sat, still as a stalk of quivering, electrified, skinned-alive neon blackness, struggling for breath, every word and sound and passing flight attendant scraping into the thin sheath over my heart. The world felt boldfaced, italicized and underlined, reality a throbbing super-amplification.

    A mother and her young adult son sat behind me, exchanging quips. She hated economy. He hated small servings. She hated the air vent. He hated her aunt they'd just visited. She hated that he just said that. He hated that she criticized him for ev-er-y-thing, then she slapped up the slap -down tray so emphatically I felt it in my shoulder blades. She whined, "Hey bud, you don't quit complain', I swear I'll kill ya."

    Nothing went into my ears after that sentence.

    In fact, I've heard it in its nasal, stereophonic glory inside my head three years and going strong.

    Sometimes maybe it takes is a plate tectonic shift to gain perspective on what's really worth complaining about and being "disappointed" over. There are gradations that stretch all over the spectrum from Minor Irritations and Nitty Inconveniences and Failed Dreams to the few Cataclysms.

    Perhaps the true moral danger comes when we can't distinguish between those gradations. And the true moral majesty comes when Christ, who suffers more than all of us combined, sits still while He softly—sympathetically— listens to the least of our complaints.

    Love this :

    "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
    — Maya Angelou

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  13. I like what Sherry said, "lean into the wind." Life is about change, disappointment, worry and trail. Avoiding pain is like trying to dodge the wind. Don't think you can avoid it, thinking you can makes life a disappointment.

    Melissa db – Thank you. That experience will linger in my mind, reminding me how ridiculous my complaints must sound to God who sacrificed his son for me.

    “Always fall in with what you’re asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever’s going. Not against: with.” -Robert Frost

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  14. I've been thinking about this very issue A LOT this week. The phrase that keeps coming to my mind is "choose faith." This morning I searched for the phrase on LDS.org and found this from a talk by President Edgley: "So I say, choose faith. Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism."

    Faith – it's so simple. I heard thousands of talks and lessons on it. I've read and reread the scripture passages that describe it. I know what it is, I've exercised it in times past, yet it's something that I keep coming back to.

    This week I'm choosing not to doubt, not to frantically try to make things happen. I'm choosing to trust that the Lord will cause things to work out in the best possible way. I'm letting go, but I'm also keeping close to Him so that when He tells me to act I can act with confidence.

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  15. This is a topic close to me right now.

    It doesn't work for me to just "count my blessings" or "choose happiness." That just seems to make the darks on my canvas look darker. Kind of like losing an arm and saying "well, at least it wasn't both arms" or "at least I got pancakes this morning."

    I have found that you have to allow yourself time to mourn, time to be angry, or whatever the situation warrants. But you do it WHILE you try to see the good stuff, too. You mourn knowing that "this too shall pass." You let yourself and your life be mortal and imperfect, and leave perfection up to God.

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  16. I really enjoyed reading this post and the comments that have followed. I just wanted to say that we can talk about happiness being a choice, and I think there's a lot of truth to that, BUT, sometimes there is so much crap we're carrying around that it takes decades to heal from it all…and some of us leave this life still very broken and grumpy….and only God knows our hearts and what we're capable of changing in mortality. Yes, I believe in resilience. Yes, I believe in our ability to cultivate gratitude. Yes, I believe that people can work on seeing the silver lining in a lead-filled situation. But, let's be patient with ourselves and others if choosing to be happy doesn't come very easily.

    My heart grieves on an almost daily basis that there is so much pain in my relationship with my parents. I still feel "homesick" frequently as I long to have a mother who is something other than distant and neglectful and a father who is something other than immoral and dishonest. Yes, I have a very kind husband and am developing something different with my own kids. But, some of my disappointments in my family of origin run so deep that forgiveness has taken years to feel, and I'm still working on it. To be completely honest, I think that I may still be working on it the rest of my life. And, I think God knows that sometimes our attitudes (as imperfect as they might be right this moment) might just be enough for today.

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  17. The other day one of my boys tentatively said this: Mom, I like [some object] that you got me, but I would have rather had the [nicer, bigger, more expensive, more whatever].

    I said, "You know, that is what life is all about. Most of the time you don't get the exact thing you want. You get something a little less. But, the key is being grateful for what you get."

    We've had the same conversation multiple times as they realize all the things in their life that fit into this category. It was good for me, too, as I struggle with this about my home, my neighborhood, my body, etc.

    There was an excellent article in the February Ensign called "Learning to be Content" that relates to this. It really humbled me and gave me a lot to think about: http://lds.org/ensign/2011/02/learning-to-be-content?lang=eng

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  18. Stephanie, I love that thought: “You know, that is what life is all about. Most of the time you don’t get the exact thing you want. You get something a little less. But, the key is being grateful for what you get.”

    I also like to think about it like this: If my children really, really want something and I say "no," I usually have a very good reason. I might say no because I've already bought it for them for Christmas and I know it will be more meaningful if they wait for it. I might say no because I don't think they are mature enough for it yet, but I plan on giving it to them later. Or I might say no because what they want will not be good for them.

    As others have said, faith is key. Trusting that God has purposes that we can't see IS faith. He's a loving Father and He knows what He's doing.

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  19. Saying that choosing happiness is possible doesn't mean that those who choose happiness don't have major trials that afflict them on a daily basis. It's that those trials are handed over to the Lord.

    I can't change my father's bad behavior either, so I let it go to God. I choose to be happy about what is going right, I choose to let the Holy Ghost comfort me, I choose to trust God- that all things will work together for my good. Sure, there are moments that the negative in my life does afflict me and I shed tears and feel pain. But the majority of the time I feel happy because I choose it and work for it – receiving it through the Holy Ghost because of God's grace and mercy, not because everything is perfect.

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  20. Jendoop, I completely agree that much of our happiness is a "choice". I just wanted to throw out the possibility that for many people, it is a battle to be happy and grateful…and some of that is due to body chemistry (which may or may not be impacted by antidepressants) or some of the scars left behind by abuse or neglect. There are very real limits on some people's "happiness level". I am not suggesting that such people are doomed or cannot improve the way they feel, but in this life there might be very real limitations. Yes, Christ can heal us, but I believe much of this healing (especially when it involves very deep scars) happens over decades and continues into the next life. Some disappointments matter more than others in terms of how heavy they are to bear. Being disappointed that you're 20 pounds heavier this year than last is very different than having your husband walk out on you (which a close family member is going through right now…and that will take possibly years to recover from). I believe in trying to look on the bright side, but I also believe that many of people's hearts have been weighed down with so much pain and sorrow that their capacity to be grateful is impaired.

    I've probably hammered this into the ground, but I feel like I need to speak for those of us who have to fight like hell to be happy.

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  21. Laughter! Its the only way to deal with disapointment, bad news, life altering events, anything life throws at you. Make a joke out of it and the big scary beast isnt so big and scary anymore.
    Today officially ended a horrible period of time my family and I have been going through. We look back on the last 8 years of hell and we laugh. We laugh at all the wierd, quirky, horrible things that have happened and we are beyond genuinely grateful for the people that laughed with us, hugged us, supported us and held our hands when we needed to get through a hard day. Obstacles show that the Lord knows us and is always mindful of our situations and what is coming our way, I am grateful for the last 8 years of hell because I am a better person for it, I've learned to laugh at the big scary beast and I KNOW I can do anything!

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  22. Great topic. I've been pretty happy lately. Then this morning, after I got on the scale and was up three more pounds, I started getting grumpy. I really had to work on changing my attitude. One thing that is hard is how my husband doesn't offer sympathy very well when I'm struggling (even with real problems), but strangely that has made me learn to choose happiness more often. Hopefully I'm not just burying my stress in my body (I don't think so).

    But I feel for those with greater trials. I feel like the comments here are equivalent to a life time of lessons in teaching how to lean into the wind and with faith make it through this messy mortality with gratitude in our hearts for the sacrifice of our Savior who can lift us beyond the pain of our life's disappointments.

    Thanks for these lessons. They've touched my heart.

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  23. Sometimes when I'm dealing with huge disappointment, I think of the times when God has blessed me WAY more than I could have every imagined. When I have asked and received…and that receiving completely exceeded my expectations. But for whatever reason I have begun to taken those blessings for granted. I've got a couple of those experiences tucked away. They remind me, they lift me up, they blow me away – when I choose to remember them.
    Great post.

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  24. Excellent perspective, mom o' boys, and I agree completely. Perhaps it more a question of degree rather than kind. There have been times when ebullience just wasn't possible, but contentment was within reach.

    Thanks for bringing that realism to the discussion.

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  25. I don't have the time to read through all the comments, but I'm sure they're awesome. I wanted to share the first thing that popped in my head when I read your question about how to deal with disappointment: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…" It's so easy to wallow in misery (and even easier to make others wallow with you.) And it takes A LOT of work to just get up and keep moving forward. But I think that the effort it takes in and of itself goes a long way in helping you heal from disappointment. That effort tells you that you're still a worthwhile human being who has worthwhile things to do. No, not everything will work out the way you plan, and there will always be bad circumstances that are out of your control… but if you just keep swimming, more blessings and opportunities will come your way. And the big trials you're facing now will result in even bigger blessings. The only way to get to that point, though, is to keep moving forward, keep working.

    When my oldest was born with a heart defect that required her to go through 3 open heart surgeries, I would never have called it a blessing. All the pain and suffering that we had to go through – I wouldn't wish on anybody. Then again, my oldest child is the sweetest, most amazing child I know (though I am admittedly biased, and her little sister's no slouch either), and I know that I am who I am today because of going through that experience with her. (Not saying I'm perfect, just better than I probably would have been.)

    And just yesterday, my youngest was telling me that we couldn't get rid of the carseat when she outgrew it because we were going to have another baby (no, I'm still not pregnant). I told her she probably shouldn't get her hopes up, since I've been having so much trouble getting pregnant, or staying pregnant. She just looked at me and said, "No, Mommy, you're going to have a baby." I don't know when that will happen, or how it will happen, but what I do know is that I need to have the same kind of faith my youngest has! And to just keep moving forward, no matter what happens.

    That's how I get and stay happy … by doing what it takes to move forward, even when everything seems to be trying to push you back. 🙂

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  26. Losing a child lowers the bar of expectations/wants pretty low. Not that I'd recommend it. But seriously, I'm able to let go of a lot more now than I used to.

    I'm not excited or happy about the trials in my life. Sure, I've chosen to learn something from them, and I've grown, and I don't know if I'd trade myself now for the person I used to be, but I will never, ever say I appreciate my trials or that they were good things to have happened. They were horrible things, and thats okay to say. Its okay to be sad about them.

    Thankfully, despite that, hope and joy can return to your life again.

    I guess this is a tangent, but it just bugs me when people try to "love" their trials. Its not necessary to do that to be a happy person.

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  27. Laugh or cry and sometimes even do both at once- laughter through tears.

    But, it is hard to move past the longing for that righteous desire (in my case marriage). I just have to trust that Heavenly Father knows best, He really does. I try to keep a positive attitude about life and realize that things will work out in the end though it's hard some days, really hard to keep that perspective.

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  28. Heather, you are already a brilliant writer. And I agree with you and mom o'boys– there are some sorrows that we simply can't laugh about. I love the idea of 'fighting like hell to be happy.'

    If I give you my kidney right away (rather than in ten years) could you have another baby? 'Cause my kidney is a lot younger now than it will be in ten years.

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  29. Neal Maxwell:

    "Sometimes we are tested not only by the requirement that we place certain things on the altar of sacrifice and service, but also by the trial of circumstances that seem to prevent us from placing a portion of self on the altar."

    It's from "It's Service, Not Status, That Counts," Ensign, July, 1975, pp. 5-7.

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  30. Mom of boys: I can't sleep and am up reading all these inspiring posts.I am a convert to the church. I came from an abusive home, shuffled to the orphanage and foster care, and then adopted to an abusive family who every day, let me know I should be grateful they took me in. My adopted father died in 2004. It was a glorious day for me. My adopted mother is still alive, but has signs of dementia. I have been fortunate that elderly women in my ward here have sort of become mothers to me and taught me a better way. It is hard to overcome the early beginnings and hard to overcome the abuse. It is perilous to look back sometimes. I have a wonderful husband, but I really think I am not worthy of him. I struggle a lot trying to keep my head above water. But it is possible. There are things that bring me moments of satisfaction, even joy.

    I have always wanted to be a musician. I began piano lessons at 27. I have studied about 20 years off and on. I accompany the choir. Decided I wanted to play mandolin. I'm not good at it. The whole music thing sends me into a downward spiral because I've never known what I'm good at – just what I love. So I persevere. Friends tell me I'm quite good – but after meeting Gene Johnson from Diamond Rio (he gave me a 3 hour mandolin lesson)….he thinks I have little talent….because his is all natural and he doesn't even read music or need music.

    I came home from that lesson and put my mandolin away and didn't touch it for about 5 months. I quit playing the piano as well…although I was choir accompanist. I bombed every performance for several months. It was heart wrenching.

    And then I decided….if my talent is only so small, that's ok. My goals were never Gene's goals anyway. My goals were to make music. I find joy in that. If I don't play at the Grand Old Opry or make it to Carnegie it's ok.

    So I'm back to music, and writing poetry. I know I can't be everything and at 53, who really cares how I spend my time. I am sad that I'm not the musician I want – but when I meet the Father and the Son, I will be able to say – I worked on my little talent.

    As for my early upbringing…I try to let it go. I can do it most of the time now. Since my Dad has passed and I'm not living in terror any more that he will show up or call, stay to visit for a week, threaten to put my son through the wall…..life is better. THAT is a blessing. Sorry for the long post…I am the queen of disappointment sometimes.

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  31. Anyone can do the perfect and happy life with a fairy-tale ending…that isn't hard. Someone who is fighting through tough moments and disappointments, that's when you really have to learn to stretch.

    That being said, I also believe that when it becomes necessary you have every right to feel upset sometimes…really let it out! Laugh a little and cry a lot. Ok…maybe A LOT! And then when you are ready, you start again tomorrow.

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  32. Well, I guess we live very different lives and I don't have a lot of wants as far as career goals or children goals for myself. I am very single.

    I am also very fair. When I graduated from high school, I foolishly spent some of my money on tanning accelerator. When I was not bronze after a short period in the sun, I gave it up. Well, I was very tan when I was little and had white hair.

    I guess I think it would be cool to be a Speech Therapist. Too bad I changed majors after one semester after 13 credit hours with an A+ in every class including Anatomy and Physiology of Speech Mechanisms. I decided on the major abruptly after pretty much opening the page. I prayed about it and felt good. Then, I did not have confidence for a variety of reasons including the fact that I did not think I would remember the information that I past on the test in the long run. But it turned out to be my love later as well as literacy. I was forced to change my major from elementary education due to my condition.

    But the door that opened in another major was good.

    You really do have a blessed life and I know that you know it.

    I know I have it good compared to many.

    It's nice to think about the what ifs though.

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