WORDS FALL IN: A Vision of Heavenly Mother

“We have been lost to each other for so long. My name means nothing to you. My memory is dust. This is not your fault, or mine. The chain connecting mother to daughter was broken and the word passed to the keeping of men, who had no way of knowing.” Anita Diamont

I denied it. I balked at its existence for decades until the so-called empty cup tipped the hot liquid of awareness into my life. I couldn’t deny it any longer. I had a mother wound. It’s a gnawing ache deeply felt, but difficult to understand, especially for LDS women as we are not encouraged to explore the Great Mother. “The mother wound reflects the challenges a woman faces as she goes through transformations in her life in a society where the patriarchy has denied us ongoing matrilineal knowledge and structures.” In other words and in my definition, I missed my Mom. Luckily, and I thank LDS doctrine, I knew she existed. I saw glimpses of her in the theology, like seeing the back of a woman quickly turning around the corner or a shadow dancing on a wall only to turn and see the source and she isn’t there.

So what does one with a wound? Keep picking at an infected scab or sharply open it up, clean it out, let it bleed, and watch it heal to beautiful perfection? But, how? I didn’t have the cultural tools that I knew of. I looked outward for a long time until I realized that if I was made in Her image, then all I needed was inside of me. Right, Dorothy? My Heavenly Mother was the mountain to my valley…I just needed to look at my own reflection on the water and dive in deep.

I turned to desires that had long been stagnant-connecting to Nature, healing work, women gatherings, dance, worship song, journaling, shamanic journeying, drum circles, drum making, mystical poetry, and meditation. All of this lit by the light of my Savior and His encouragement. It has been a wild woman reclaiming and search for soul sovereignty. I define my connection to the Divine. I knew my way home if I just gave in to the listening.

Two weeks ago I had hours home alone. I claimed it for time with God. I set my intention to feel God’s love. Sometimes we hear, we rotely pray, we glibly flip open the holy books, and we skim the surface of knowledge instead of wisdom. I wanted to feel and I was going to pound on the Golden Gates until I was let in.

And I am going to tell all who have the mother wound whom I met when I was let in.

(in my further description, I’ll be leaving out alot of this as it is too personal, but it gives you a general idea). Meditation has been key to helping me grow spiritually and emotionally. I’ve formed new ways of looking at my life problems and figuring out who I am and why I am here. In my sessions, my personal symbols show themselves, as you will read….

At first, I was on the ground looking up at a giant beehive. Hundreds of other bees came down to me and clung to my arms and chest and lifted me up to the landing board of the hive. I asked to meet the Queen Bee (or Heavenly Mother). They buzzed around me and said I wasn’t ready. Like ladies-in-waiting dressing me, the bees opened my chest and with their long proboscises, they cleaned my heart and then packed it with honey. A woman dressed in white came with a carafe of golden liquid and motioned me to open my mouth. I did and she poured it into my mouth. Then, they carried me through the entrance and started to lift me up through the tall walls of the hive, covered in honey hexagons. I was flying towards an energy that pulsed through the hive. Up above me I saw the underside of a giant queen bee. She beckoned me to lay down on her. Her black belly felt like a mink blanket and love surrounded me. The queen bee morphed into the image of a woman and she held me and rocked me like a baby. The hive walls fell away and the cosmos was all around us.

Once my friend had a vision where she was swimming through the cosmos with Heavenly Mother, her dress trailing with stars. For me, I was floating in her- literally. She showed me the entire earth inside of her womb and explained how everything is part of her and she of it. It was at-one-ment. Literally and energetically, she held everything and knew everyone and everything on it. Suddenly, I was in her womb and felt my own daughter inside of me and so on down through eternties. I saw my Heavenly Mother inside of her Mother and so on. We were a vast number of nesting dolls inside one another. The womb of possibility was inside of me as I was inside of her. Whatever we create in our lives is part of Her. It was mind-boggling.

The most ancient and holy voice spoke to me. It was like taking an ocean of feeling and wisdom and love and purity and depth and trying to put it into a cup. I think anyone would benefit from reading the exact words she spoke to me: “I am beauty. I am peace. I sing the song of all creation. I am love. I am yours. I am the I am. And you, daughter, you are my eyes, my heart. I call to you to come into me and see all things as they are. Look. Look up. (I was looking at some fabulous things). You are mine. You are joy. You are whole. And as you walk through life, remember I love you. That I am with you.” I saw many other things, alot of it unexplainable to me now, but while I was with Her my soul understood it. Two hours later I opened my eyes. Ayla Nereo sings, “The great turning has come.” No power on earth will stop the Mother from sending divine love to Her children. She loves you just the way you are in all your possibilities.

As part of Words Fall In, I have created a guided-imagery meditation for you to listen to and hopefully, as this is a writing blog and podcast, I ask you to write down your impressions, what you felt, heard, and if you felt loved after your meditation. I thank Melonie Syrett, the drumwoman, for the inspiration in creating the beginning of the meditation and the use of her “tendrils.”

music by Deuter and last song by Jami Sieber