Practicing Kindness

I make my daughter’s lunch every day, even though she is a junior in high school. One of my goals in parenting has been to encourage autonomy in my kids, and yet nearly every morning I’m standing at the counter in my pajamas, chopping red peppers. Sometimes I wonder if I should keep doing this, and my parental fears of children who are unable to fend for themselves rear their ugly heads. Sometimes I even drive her to school, despite the fact that the high school is only three blocks away and the parking lot is a nightmare in the mornings. Cold, snowy mornings when you are carrying a heavy backpack and two musical instruments can be made a little brighter with a ride. I have learned that these times are not about being unable to do something, just an instance of learning to receive help and kindness. And although I want my kids to be independent and capable, I also want them to be kind and helpful as well.

As a parent, friend, family member, and employee, I often ponder this interplay between kindness, autonomy, boundaries, and good relationships. I’ve seen instances when behavior that was meant as kindness backfires by creating entitlement, apathy, burnout, and resentment. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is to say ‘no’ to a person. However, as I get older, I’m also learning the importance of being gentle, holding space, and adding small moments of grace to the world. I’ve always been too anxious about social rules and about drawing attention to myself or others. Too often I feel an impulse to do some small, kind thing for another person and I second-guess myself before I say or do anything.

A friend recently started a social media campaign called “Tiny Kindness” that shares accounts of small acts of kindness that people have received from others. I’ve been uplifted as I read so many examples of simple, loving gestures that brighten someone’s day. It has made me reflect on the little moments of kindness I have received from others. I think of the paramedic who carefully washed the blood off my hands after I broke my nose in a car accident last year. The friend who mailed me a generous, handmade birthday present with a kind note. The unexpected public praise for a work assignment I had struggled with. The strangers on airplanes and in airports who treated my younger children with smiles and me with patience. Neighbors who drop by with fruit from their trees. Although this season of the year is usually dedicated to talking about gratitude, especially gratitude for things we have, I’m discovering that highlighting acts of kindness dovetails nicely with gratitude as we acknowledge and thank people for their actions.

And so, my goal from now on is both to look for opportunities to be kind, and to acknowledge more fully those moments when they happen. I’ve had a difficult time this fall, dealing with some family issues and an unexpected home repair project that has massively disrupted my family, my budget, and my job. During times of upheaval, my tendency is to turn inward and deal with my stress by shutting others out. When all I can hear is the background thrum of anxiety, it’s hard to pay attention. However, opening my eyes, heart, and hands can turn the volume a bit. I love the idea of kindness as a practice, because it reminds me that I can try a little more every day to make the world a better, softer, more generous place. I’m not always very good at being kind, but I am committed to daily practice.

You can follow Tiny Kindness on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TinyKindnesses/), Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/tinykindnesses/) and Twitter (@TinyKindness)