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Sam the Man

By Kathyrn Lynard

Driving in the van, after dropping kids off at school.

Sam: My teacher is mean sometimes.

Me: When is she mean?

Sam: When we’re leaving she doesn’t say goodbye. That’s mean. That’s why I’ll get a shotgun and shoot her.

Me: *stunned into silence*

Sam: That’s a joke, Mom.

Me: Well, you shouldn’t joke about shooting someone.

Sam: Why not?

Me: Because shooting someone is a very bad thing to do.

Sam: Okay, then, I’ll joke about the potty.

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About Kathyrn Lynard

(Founding Editor) is the author of the memoir The Year My Son and I Were Born (Globe Pequot Press, 2009) and the editor of four published anthologies. She contributes to Mormon forums from Meridian Magazine to Sunstone on a variety of topics including gender issues, disability, mental health, sexuality, family life, and spirituality.

7 thoughts on “Sam the Man”

  1. Too funny. And I like the way you seem to have taken his shooting joke with a grain of salt. Sam sounds like a character who will say about anything, and you're smart not to make a huge deal of it. I'd be much more likely to jump to the conclusion that my kid really did want to shoot the teacher. I'm going to remember your example.

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  2. Yep, you're right, Ahna. Lots of salt around here!

    I should mention Sam's got 2 teen/tween brothers who are fascinated with guns. Sent 'em to scout camp and they were never the same. 😉

    It's gotta be a y-chromosome thing.

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  3. Thanks for the laugh. I've read that boys of a certain age enjoy trying to shock people with language (read: boys of all ages enjoy shocking their moms with language). I was excited to hear my one son call my other one "potty-head," because I figure that is the worst/most shocking word he knows.

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  4. That makes me incredibly happy.
    Maybe it was a really really smart, manipulative thought ie: "How can I get approval for my potty jokes? AHA! Test the water with shooting jokes!" Kind of like when you would ask for a cabbage patch doll AND a pony–so the doll didn't seem too exorbitant in retrospect…

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  5. Yeah, we'd had multiple conversations prior to this one about not making potty jokes–I don't know if he planned it as a bargaining chip, but he sure used it as one!

    The kid kills me. Pun intended.

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