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Woolly Mommoth

segullah-picEmily A. does not live in the Boise area with her husband and their two boys, ages 5 and 4.  She does not enjoy writing or blogging in any way.  She is glad that she does not have time to do it more.  She hates going out to eat, but prefers to spend hours slaving over a hot stove just to have two kids refuse to eat what she puts in front of them.  Her family and friends would describe her as quiet, shy and borderline antisocial.   This is not her blog:  http://emlouisa.com

Wait. What?

When I was little my grandpa would give me big hugs, then rub his coarse whiskers all over my face.  I would giggle and tell him to stop, hating and loving it all at the same time.  Grandpa is gone now, but his legacy lives in me.

I have chin whiskers.

Cool on Gramps, not so cool on a thirty year old female.  Yes, I said thirty.  And yes, I said female.  My birthday isn’t until next week but I’m already embracing it, what with the coarse chin hairs and all.

I pluck, I wax.  I can’t keep up with the plucking anymore.  It’s like weeding single blades of grass in the lawn.  You can pluck and pluck and not get anywhere. It just keeps growing back.  Dang grass.

Waxing turns my skin red for three days so I don’t choose this option unless I am going to be out of the public eye.  You can only imagine how often this happens.  So I put it off until pictures of Grandpa and me look strikingly similar, then go in for an overdue session.  Luckily my sister (whose face and chin are hairless, by the way) is a waxer.  She scolds me for waiting so long, then rips sections of my chin and shows it to me so we can both say “Ew!”

The other option is laser hair removal.  I’m seriously considering it, but I’d rather have a new couch.

Friday night I picked up our babysitter.  “Good Vibrations” by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch was on the radio and I couldn’t stifle my enthusiasm.  “This reminds me of when I was in sixth grade!” I announced, apparently feeling the good vibrations.  “I know this song. It’s so cool!” she replied, “I love old school music!”

Ah, old school music.  Marky Mark certainly qualifies.  For as long as males (unfortunately) have worn baggy pants with boxers sticking out we have had Marky Mark.  Almost twenty years.  And my, how the tables have turned.  I remember appeasing the woman I babysat for sixteen years ago, telling her that REO Speedwagon “ruled” when she rocked out to it on her way to take me home.  I thought she was super old.  She was probably younger than I am now.

Now it’s my turn to be thirty.  I look back at the past few years and I’m glad that I’m here.  My life doesn’t give me much to complain about these days.  I have two great little boys, a comfortable house, a fabulous husband, and for the most part my health.  It’s a nice place to be.

I used to think thirty was old.  I used to think size 8 was fat.  I used to think that parents who didn’t potty train their kids before Sunbeams were lazy.  I used to have it all figured out.

I’ll take a few strands of gray hair and some chin whiskers that need an occasional plucking (or waxing) if, in turn, I am granted wisdom.

37 thoughts on “Woolly Mommoth”

  1. I can so relate. I'm wrinkled. I remember thinking my mom was so beautiful when I was a kid, and I'm pretty sure my kids just think I'm a wizened old thing. But then again, I'm older than she was when her kids were the same age mine are.

    At least you can pluck or wax. Short of Botox, there's not much I can do for wrinkles.

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  2. Oh Em! I wish I could tell you that laser will solve all your problems. But alas, you will still have to pluck… or wax – although much less frequently. How do I know? uh…. a friend… yeah, a friend 🙂

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  3. fantastic, Emily.

    Marky Mark was my sophomore year of college. Heavy rotation on MTV. My husband just bought the song as part of our college-years retrospective (along with Tone-Loc!)

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  4. I feel your pain. Although I don't have a problem with chin hair (a little bit of Native American ancestry is very helpful in the body hair department), I am still wondering when I am going to quit having acne. I remember being a freshman in high school and thinking to myself that by the time I was a senior, I would have clear skin and cute hair. Twenty years later, I'm still wondering when it will be my turn.

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  5. You always make me laugh–and it's nice to know that someone in the family takes after my dad!! Thirty is young (just look at your ancient Mom)

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  6. Emily you are hilarious and amen… 30 is totally young… now! I hope when I'm 40 and 50 and 60 I am full of wisdom and live with less anxiety about life in general. Oh, and the potty training, SO much when the kid was 3. Thanks for the great post!

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  7. I've got the 'stache and the beard and I'm not even 30 yet! Dang hormones!

    I heard waxing causes premature wrinkles, so I choose to pluck, but, boy, does that take forever!!

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  8. I was walking home, lamenting that my 80 yr old neighbor just referred to me as a "kid"…granted we live in the home I grew up in (since I was 1) but I am married and have 2 kids, and well past my teen years!

    30 doesn't sound old to me, but it made me realize it's ok to be in my mid-twenties and still be a "kid." I think I'll take my kids out and play in the sprinklers. 🙂

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  9. I'm a frequent waxer of my stache, my brows and my burns. I have several little black hairs on my chin that my waxing lady takes care of. There are lots of errant black hairs in other places (cleavage! Ew!) but we won't discuss those.

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  10. I just turned 34. I have LOVED my thirties. As a late bloomer who carried a number of insecurities around with me for a number of years, turning 30 was like being liberated. I'm finally past so much emotional baggage and have decided that I love who I am, even with all my issues and quirks. My mom has been telling me "You will love your 30's" for a decade. It took turning thirty for me to believe her.

    And on the upside–your HAIR is fabulous.

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  11. Here's a good one. Getting my hair dyed by a nineteen-year-old the other day; having a conversation about having children. She proceeds to tell me that she wants, "To be an older mom. You know, like twenty-six."

    I'm 25. Yeah. We older moms are cool.

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  12. Had to laugh about the waxing vs. lasering. My daughter has done both, and neither one was successful for long. Her best aid has actually been electrolysis. That seems to provide the longest lasting results.

    Sometimes I'm sorry wisdom comes with age. But other times, I love every wrinkle.

    =)

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  13. I was just thinking I like being thirty. Then I just realized that I just celebrated my thirtyFIRST. I'm now a thirty-something. with chin whiskers. I saw a mystery-diagnosis show on and the lady said she had chin whiskers and she had a disease, so I thought I should be scheduling my CT scan, gathering my important papers, and semi-planning my funeral.

    I tend to get a tad bit carried away…
    where was I? oh yeah, 30. It's a great one to celebrate! It just may be all downhill from here. Downhill means easy right?

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  14. You are way too funny! You need to write some short stories! Your boys are way too cute and we had fun at the park today. You don't look a day over 24. Happy birthday!

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  15. Emily…….you are so great!! Thanks for the honesty, it is so refreshing. Being real that's a concept I believe we all need to embrace. Being real is beautiful…..as are you.

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  16. I'm 51 and a pudgy grandma now. I was at YW camp this week admiring the cute thin bodies of the younger leaders, remembering that when I was their age I was that size, too. But I wouldn't trade all the stuff I know now for that cute body again. It's great to get older and wiser. The physical body starts to go and it's a reminder that we best be working on the character we'll take with us to eternity.

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  17. emily- love you and this post was hilariously fabulous! I had to laught the other day when a friend from high school said to me "you look great, really, you don't even have wrinkles!" What were you expecting I am only 33- I guess I am so wise he was expecting some…

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  18. em…i learned from my sister to have an agreement with a friend (or more than one) who understands this…so in case you are in the hospital unconscious for any reason, they will come and pluck your chin so no one knows that you can actually grow a sad beard. 😀

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  19. I have PCOS, a lovely side effect of which is extra body hair. Unfortunately you can't choose WHERE it appears… you just find it. Thankfully most of my 'extra' is blond/nigh on invisable, yet it's the brown hair (I'm a redhead) that is on my neck straight down in line with my chin that bugs me. I get it waxed every fortnight, and for $10 I feel feminine again. Worth every cent.

    I'd like some wisdom. If it manifested in a single white hair on my head I'd keep it. A chin hair, maybe not. Maybe that's the point!

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  20. Hilarious! And yes, because of my Slavic blood, I've got wiry, dark, abundant hairs popping up everywhere (except my head, alas!). We need a Big Fat Greek plucking party…

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  21. I still feel like I can top you all. Waxing, plucking, laser treatment, have been left in the dust for me. None of them were able to keep up with my man-beard. It's a horrible thing to be a mom of young children with a five-o-clock shadow. BUT, I have learned that a bearded chin won't kill me, that people worth knowing don't care about it, that after I'm dead it won't matter, and that marrying the right husband is the answer to all beauty problems. I love that I completely forget about my chin whiskers when I'm at home. I love that he pretends not to notice that I'm using his electric shaver, and I love that he looks at me like I look like someone else.
    Emily, you are right. It's okay to get older. There are definitely perks that are worth putting up with the drawbacks. Besides, a hairy chin won't matter after I'm dead, but other things will.

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  22. Ummmm…Honey…try 42 and one kid started 1st Grade today and the other one is still pottytraining….now THAT'S old! And now you get to do it all over again, hairy chin and all!

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